Ioss of my husband to drug overdose no-one knew kids found him

[hleslie24]

i just wanted to tell my story it is so hard for me to deal with! i met my husband when i was 15 he was my first everything, we have two children together, I am lost for words i was on my way to six flags when i got the phone call mommy daddys dead! i didnt want to believe it was true, he was my best friend my rock,I never knew none did he hid it and idk i got to the house and he was laying their on the floor blue and purple with blood on his face and a needle by his foot, my two small children found him dead and tried to wake him, this is so hard for me to deal with and for them i hold t together when their around i had to quit my job i had to do want was best for all of us now i sit home and cry my eyes out all day cuz I'm so lost for words he passed in october 6 of this year and this is the longest i have went with out holdin him etc this is so hard. i jsut want to know if anyone else has gone threw this i just want to know how you deal with something like this!

[HeyJude]

There are quite a few people who have gone through exactly this. I'm sure they will respond to you shortly. I am so sorry for your loss sweetie. I know it is incredibly hard. I am so sorry that your two little ones are the ones who found him. You have definitely come to the right place, just have some patience, someone will be around to help you soon.

[needy]

So sorry for your loss. My husband also passed away from sudden death from a heart attack in his sleep, 9 months ago. It hasn't been easy but I was determined to help myself get better. I tried a few therapist, unfortunately I didn't have the best experience with that but I know lots do. The best help I got was from some excellent grieving books, Al-anon, this group and learning (and still learning) to put myself first. Go day by day and but make sure every day you do something that is going to help you.

[IMISSTAO]

hleslie24, I am so sorry. That is very hard. My husband died 9 months ago, and I was not there. He was on a camping trip with my then 11 year old son, and it was my son who tried to wake him, alone and in the woods and had to go and get help - afraid, panicked and by himself. Thankfully, there was someone relatively close by (a former army Sargent) that helped him, but they were more than 8 hours away from me and my daughter. I know how horribly traumatic it is to lose your spouse, and then it is even more devastating to have your children, and not you, be the one to find him. It is a terrible nightmare for me that I can barely think about. I do suggest getting the kids into therapy if you have not done so. I had to put my son in therapy for his sake and mine, because I was so devastated and I couldn't even listen to his story without throwing up and panicking. It still makes me very sick to think about it.

You are hopefully in therapy, too. I couldn't find an actual therapist that I hit it off with, so I started doing Acupuncture and it helps me. My son is doing it, too, and it helps him as well. He is less volatile and angry. I realize Acupuncture does not help everybody, but if you get to a point you just can't find a person to connect and speak with, it is something to try - I was at my wits' end and willing to try anything for relief. My son is also with a wonderful children's therapist (as is my daughter) and they do Art Therapy. It is particularly good for younger kids that have difficulty communicating their emotions with a therapist. It may be worth looking for someone like that if your kids are pretty young. I am so thankful she is there to talk to them about the things I just cannot say at times. I felt badly that I couldn't speak to them about it but she told me that it was OK and that it is her job to help them, and my job to help myself, which will actually help them more. So take the time to find someone, or a group, or something to get through the devastation.

You are probably feeling guilty you were not there. That is normal. I still feel that way. But it is not your fault. You have to remember it is not your fault. EVERY parent needs a break to have some fun and release. Although something bad happened, you didn't make it happen by not being there.

Hugs to you and yours, and I hope you are able to find some help for you and your children's grief.

[traveler1959]

hleslie, I'm so sorry, I know it is hard, I've lost the love of my life on Nov.13th of this year. But what I found here, is that I don't have to face this by my self. All I have to say is you must stay strong for your children (as strong as you can) they are looking to you to make everything as normal as it can be. God bless you and children

[MissingDaniel]

Hleslie24, I am so sorry I did not see this before now. I have been out of town for Christmas and have not been on here in a couple of weeks. I am playing catch-up now. Please know that you are not alone. Although we all have our own stories, there are also common elements that many of us share. I also lost my husband to a drug-overdoese. He has been gone for 8 months now. I can't imagine how you must feel that your children were the ones to find him. I know that had to be devastating. My husband and I had two children as well, and I was aware of his drug problem as he had been battling it for a very long time. But he had been clean for 3 years when he died. He was back home in Alabama for his grandfather's funeral, and got around an old friend of his from high school, went to his house after the funeral, drank, and apparently got some heroin. I don't know where he got it and probably never will, but whatever he did, together with the alcohol, just caused him to stop breathing and his friend didn't realize it in time. My parents came to our house at 2:00 in the morning to tell me that he was dead, and I had to tell our children.

I can tell you that it does get better. It probably doesn't seem like it now. I thought I would have a lot of anger toward him for doing something foolish that took him away from us, but that's one thing I surprisingly haven't really felt. Just overwhelming sadness at the waste of it all, and emptiness at the huge hole it left in our lives. I talked to everyone who would listen at first, but inevitably those people will become fewer until it feels like you have no one to talk to anymore. This forum has been a wonderful outlet for me. Don't rush yourself. Handle things as you can, and don't let anyone tell you when or how you have to do things. Understand that as much as you love your children, you may feel like you aren't there for them like you should be sometimes, and try not to punish yourself with guilt over that. You have lost something so essential, and sometimes the grief makes it hard to do anything, even the simple tasks of being a mother. Let others help you if they will, and I agree that finding counseling for the kids, especially in this situation, is a good idea. I know Christmas has probably been very hard for you - it was tough for me as well. But try to hang in there each day, knowing that even though tomorrow may not be a dramatic improvement - and some days may even be worse - eventually, you will wake up and realize that you feel a little better and you can see a little sunshine peeking out from behind those clouds.

If you ever need to talk and I can be of help, I will be here for you. Take care of yourself and those kids!

[miekevson]

Oh my God that is aweful. I'm so sorry! How are you doing now? Hope you've been able to get some peace.