I Miss My Pa

[Johnny Cake]

I lost my pa right after Christmas due to a medical error. It was the worst heartbreak of my life. I feel that my grief is selfish because my pa was the only person who really loved me. My mother was a psycho and he hung in to protect us from her. He deserved so much better.

My pa was a WW-2 vet and there were times he seemed aloof but i suspect it was because of the things he saw like the death camps and he heaps of bodies. I don't think that is why he was such a loving man as his brother Mike was also a very good and decent man who died way too soon.

It's tough this time of year for me. My pa was the glue that held things together in a very dysfunctional family. He did not have the ability to deal with our evil mother who became increasingly evil with age and menopause like her evil mother. Pa was to gentle to slap her around even though a man married to a shrew could get away with that back then.

Ma died a few days before X-mas 2006. Saw her die have a doctor gave her a shot of Ativan in her IV. I cried some but even though the doctor killed her I saw it as mercy.

Even if there is nothing after this life Pa is in a better place than this cruel life.

Thinking about getting a dog. Probably a mutt. They are the healthiest and most interesting. Pa loved dogs and his dogs loved him. Dogs seem to be a good judge of character.

They say that people who are hard to love need love the most. I don't know if I believe that. For many reasons I want to be with Pa and Uncle Mike, my Grandpa Artie (never new my other grand parents) Aunt Theresa, Aunt Geradine and Uncle Larry and my dogs Lee, Stu, Brinny, Hienie and Stinger.

Don't have much family now. Wife in menopausal My brothers from another mother are my family mostly but they are far away. Rick died due to a medical error, Dennis too sensitive for this world took and overdose of pain meds, Hot Rod did the same thing. Duck and Flyin Mike are left and doing well. Flyin has a nice wife. Duck's ex is a psycho and currently he's looking for something better. Me, I don't want a woman, just my pa.

When I die the only ones who will be left to care will be Duck and Flyin. I got no kids of my own so there's so few that will grieve my escape.

I would like to have cloned my pa and raised him as my son.