Members Sljamj4809 Posted December 15, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 I lost my mother, my light on November 21st 2013. She was only 55 and I never thought for a moment in my life that I would have to bury my mother when I was 28. This is taking me to a place of depression that I just can't handle. Mom had been living in a nursing home for about two years after a series of strokes due to her unmanaged blood pressure. She got lucky though as she was still able to walk and do most things for herself...but she still needed 24 hr care for medications and mental health problems. She had gotten a line put in 3 months before her passing to start dialysis. For her being in a nursing home she was doing rather well...no big life threatening health problems. Then on the 21st I woke up to three voicemails from the nursing home saying I needed to call them it was an emergency. I thought maybe her sugar dropped and they were taking her to the hospital. But when I called they told me mom was unresponsive...she had passed. I hung up the phone and lost it. I couldn't breath, couldn't speak. What just happened? We're they serious? I was the first to find out, so I had to call everyone and tell them my mom died. Unreal, not right. They think my mom had a stroke in her sleep. One week after her passing was Thanksgiving....didn't feel like even getting out of bed. For the sake of my daughter and husband I did and I made dinner...mom would have wanted that. My husband tries to help, but he has not lost a parent so he just doesn't get it. I don't know what to do, what to think. I feel so lost, so alone. This is so much, almost too much. I can't seem to get it together. I buried my mom two days before thanksgiving....I feel so lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tom Posted December 15, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 I lost my Dad 6 weeks ago and I still feel alone and cry a lot.I think that losing a parent , especially if it is your last surviving parent, is one of the most devastating emotional experiences a person can have.It is a personal thing - the relationship that a person has with their parent is something you can't explain to anyone else.If you had a close relationship with your Mum grief will hit you hard.Get support from your family - explain what you are feeling so that they can try to understand the reason for your moods and sadness.But don't expect them to really understand what you feel if they haven't had such a loss themselves.Just hang on from day to day which is what I do - some days are just so painful. The loneliness has never gone away for me and I doubt that it will because the gap has been left that no one but my Dad can fill.Talk to your family and cry. It helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sljamj4809 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Other than my aunt (moms sister) I am not close to anyone in my family. My mom and aunt were the only ones I talked to on a regular basis. My dad lives in Texas and I am in Ohio and I have only talked to him like 5 times in 9 years. This is one reason i feel so alone. I have three older brothers and I don't talk to two of them and the third I only talk to once in a blue moon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tom Posted December 15, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Well I have no one at all and I can tell you it is pretty bad to deal with.People will tell you to get support from a counsellor or go to a support group.I don't know whether that is any good for you - it works for some people I believe.I have no answers because I can't help myself - I just go from day to day hoping things will improve. My life is actually very empty now I don't have my Dad to care for , and it's a funny thing - when I was looking after him I had loads of things I wanted to do ( hobbies I mean and places to visit ) and I used to wish I had the time . Now I have all the time in the world and nothing interests me at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laneybc Posted December 16, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 My mom was in a nursing home too. She died November 30, 2013. I am finding that my emotions are more raw than a week ago. I have a file on my computer where I write to my Mom to tell her how I feel and things I want to tell her,. It is hard but try to remember to take ccare of yourself, eat well and get some exercise daily. I have been trying to get out with people because I tend to be rather reclusive and solitary until I am in the pits. Reach out to friends who may offer support. Look for support groups. I am sure we will all work our way through our grief and come to accept our losses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laneybc Posted December 16, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 My mom was in a nursing home too. She died November 30, 2013. I am finding that my emotions are more raw than a week ago. I have a file on my computer where I write to my Mom to tell her how I feel and things I want to tell her,. It is hard but try to remember to take ccare of yourself, eat well and get some exercise daily. I have been trying to get out with people because I tend to be rather reclusive and solitary until I am in the pits. Reach out to friends who may offer support. Look for support groups. I am sure we will all work our way through our grief and come to accept our losses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlesunshine87 Posted December 16, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Hi sljamj4809, Im sorry for your loss. Sadly i lost my dad on the 27th of november this year. He was only 56 and i am 26. Im the same as you, i never thought i would lose a parent so young. The day my dad passed away i was a mess. I cryied so hard to the point i couldnt catch a breath,and was physically sick. Now im at a reflective point and feeling all sorts like, guilt, sadness, regret, and things i wont have my dad around for like my wedding, having a baby in the future and all the other family times. I feel lost without my dad. I am an only child and was very close to dad,he was like a best friend. My dad was in a hospice when he passed away,he suffered a illness for 3months (which felt so much longer) and i now know he is at peace and not in pain anymore. It doesnt help or take the pain away but i know he is with the angels now and watching over me and mum. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jenni87 Posted December 16, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 So sorry to hear of all of your losses, I am going through the same. My mum passed away on 27th September at the age of 56, she had a heart attack which was a complete shock and I just can't deal with it. I have just been to my first counselling session and can't decide if it has helped or not.I just can't function without my mum - my best friend! I am only 26 too so was not expecting to have to say goodbye to my parent so early xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlesunshine87 Posted December 16, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Jenni87, i was thinking of asking my doctor to refer me to someone i can talk to. My dad had an illness for 18months and i have horrible memories i cant get rid of. I was with my dad when he died and its a very traumatic thing to whitness. Do you think it would help,has it helped how you feel?x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tom Posted December 16, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Jenni87, i was thinking of asking my doctor to refer me to someone i can talk to. My dad had an illness for 18months and i have horrible memories i cant get rid of. I was with my dad when he died and its a very traumatic thing to whitness. Do you think it would help,has it helped how you feel?xI think you should try some counselling because if you have had recent bad memories they might become fixed in the forefront of your mind and obscure the older happier memories.To put things into perspective it might be really good for you to talk through the WHOLE of your Dad's life and all the memories through from your childhood. That's hard to do on your own - you need someone to tell about your old memories , like a verbal biography of your Dad's life.It might put the last few months in perspective as a small part of his whole life.That's my view - I'm no expert. But it's something I should do , but I'm not strong enough just yet.I think for me, the written form of a book will be best about my mum and dad, rather than talking to strangers - we were a very private and close family so it's too personal for me to share with anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissuDad Posted December 17, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 17, 2013 HiYour loss is stil too recent, not even a month went by... It´s pretty normal feeling like you do, reality is settling in and that can make you feel horribe, lost, depressed...Take small steps and allow yourself to feel bad and when it gets too overwhelming focus something else you enjoy. Time does help, it doesn´t make it ok, but you start to have periods when you don´t think as much as you do now.A big hug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blackrock Posted December 18, 2013 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 I lost my dad on November 22nd of this year. I can't let myself think about it too much bc it's so painful and unreal. I tried to do other things but it didn't work for long. But I will always keep him close to my heart and remember his smiles, his walk and just him being there with me. That's my comfort when thinking about my dad. Let yourself grief, cry, be mad and talk to friends and family. This forum helps me to deal with my lost by reading how others are dealing with their lost, receiving supports and offering comfort to each other. Hang in there. Do some light activity or exercise to get some fresh air. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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