Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Lost my Mom and my best friend


Angelnks65

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I lost my mom and best friend July 22nd of this year. It has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. She had been ill with dementia and copd .She also suffered from a stroke but was on the way to recovery. She had been to rehab a couple times from the stroke and the last time around she came home for 3 days before we had to go back to the hospital. She had given up and told the doctors she didn't want the vent again. I still get mad at her and she is gone. I wanted her to fight because I needed her so much. The holiday season is very depressing and id rather sleep through it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Angelnks65, I am so very sorry about the loss of your dear mother. I know you wanted her to fight, but perhaps she knew what was best for her. Regardless of whether she is here physically, she will always be with you. Yes, the holiday season can be awful the first year. I honestly cried and tried to block out that my dad was gone. I had to carry on for my kids. Was there something special your mother particularly liked about the holidays that you could do to honor her? That may be something to consider. We will be here with you. There are many, many people in similar situations here. Just know--you are not alone. --ModKonnie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lost my mother this last Friday, 12-5-2013. She was 60 yrs old and her health wasn't very good for years but nothing i thought would have taken her so suddenly. Me and my three boys 6, 13 and 18 yr old have always lived together with her. my mother and I thought she had the flu for a couple of weeks and she wasn't getting any better. She made a doctors appointment on the 2nd of December but wasn't feeling up to it to go because she hadn't had the strength to take a shower so it made her self conscious about seeing anyone. The morning time of Thursday I told her I would help her get into the shower, she said no it's ok but if I don't feel any better by tonight, we will go. That night about 7:30pm I went into her room and she was sitting up watching television and had told me "I feel alittle better" so I went into the next room to watch television. Around 10:00 pm I started hearing a loud moaning sound, I muted the remote and listened harder, thinking it was my uncle who lives in the apartment up stairs from me until I realized it was coming from my moms room, ( I now think she was trying to get my attention) i ran inside her room and she was laying in bed and couldnt breath, I panicked and ran out to bang on my aunts ( her sister ) next door, I ran back in the room and grabbed the phone to dial 911. I started CPR and was screaming and my 18 year old came in and was leaning over her saying "nana! Nana!" The 911 operator kept telling me to move her onto the floor so me and my son picked her up and set her onto the floor but her lips were already dark blue. The ambulance came in after 10 mins of calling and they carried her out into the living room where they said they don't feel a pulse. They then took her into the ambulance and took her away. I arrived at the hospital, I couldn't see her for the first hour or two so I figured no news is good news right? Finally they let me and my aunt ( her Sister) in to see her around 1am. That's when I seen her with the breathing machine. Her heart was beating but barely. I was there all night, I went home around 7am to get a little sleep but I couldn't sleep at home so I went back to the hospital around 830am. Around 9 am the doctor informed me that my mother has pneumonia and it's not only in her lungs but has infected her whole body, it was septic shock and she probably won't make it through the day. The doctor told me they had to give her antibiotics and the medicine they need to give her would paralyze her entire body so they could control everything, heart, lungs and all other organs. My entire family Started to show up all morning, around 20 of us were there including her closest sister who drove an hour away from home she has 2 but is closest to the one who lives farther away. My mom passed away that day at 3:47 pm. I'm still shocked. I'm home right now and can't sleep. It's hard to see her room. My boys are taking it hard, especially my 18 yr old who seen her that way in the room and can't get her face out of his mind in those last moments. She looked so afraid in that last moment and it just kills me to know that she basically suffocated to death

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I to am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel and I go through the what ifs and whys, my mother canceled her appointment on Monday died on Friday and had her appointment scheduled on Saturday! If she would have went on Monday, they would have seen she had it and sat. Was just a day to late.. I don't want to celebrate Christmas either but I'm doing it for my I to am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel and I go through the what ifs and whys, my mother canceled her appointment on Monday died on Friday and had her appointment scheduled on Saturday! If she would have went on Monday, they would have seen she had it and sat. Was just a day to late.. I don't want to celebrate Christmas either but I'm doing it for my boys but I'd rather sleep too. It's so hard and I know it helps me to talk about her with my boys as much as we can.. I hope you can get through this even though you may not feel like it will get easier. Bless you during the holidays and know she is with you always, I know my mom is here to make me stronger during these times.!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I lost my mom and best friend July 22nd of this year. It has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. She had been ill with dementia and copd .She also suffered from a stroke but was on the way to recovery. She had been to rehab a couple times from the stroke and the last time around she came home for 3 days before we had to go back to the hospital. She had given up and told the doctors she didn't want the vent again. I still get mad at her and she is gone. I wanted her to fight because I needed her so much. The holiday season is very depressing and id rather sleep through it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I lost my mom and best friend July 22nd of this year. It has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. She had been ill with dementia and copd .She also suffered from a stroke but was on the way to recovery. She had been to rehab a couple times from the stroke and the last time around she came home for 3 days before we had to go back to the hospital. She had given up and told the doctors she didn't want the vent again. I still get mad at her and she is gone. I wanted her to fight because I needed her so much. The holiday season is very depressing and id rather sleep through it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I to am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel and I go through the what ifs and whys, my mother canceled her appointment on Monday died on Friday and had her appointment scheduled on Saturday! If she would have went on Monday, they would have seen she had it and sat. Was just a day to late.. I don't want to celebrate Christmas either but I'm doing it for my boys but I'd rather sleep too. It's so hard and I know it helps me to talk about her with my boys as much as we can.. I hope you can get through this even though you may not feel like it will get easier. Bless you during these holidays and know she is with you always, I know my mom is here to make me stronger during these times.!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Wow I am new to this forum and I have pasted and pasted, sorry I don't have any clue how to delete them, sorry

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lost my mother this last Friday, 12-5-2013. She was 60 yrs old and her health wasn't very good for years but nothing i thought would have taken her so suddenly. Me and my three boys 6, 13 and 18 yr old have always lived together with her. my mother and I thought she had the flu for a couple of weeks and she wasn't getting any better. She made a doctors appointment on the 2nd of December but wasn't feeling up to it to go because she hadn't had the strength to take a shower so it made her self conscious about seeing anyone. The morning time of Thursday I told her I would help her get into the shower, she said no it's ok but if I don't feel any better by tonight, we will go. That night about 7:30pm I went into her room and she was sitting up watching television and had told me "I feel alittle better" so I went into the next room to watch television. Around 10:00 pm I started hearing a loud moaning sound, I muted the remote and listened harder, thinking it was my uncle who lives in the apartment up stairs from me until I realized it was coming from my moms room, ( I now think she was trying to get my attention) i ran inside her room and she was laying in bed and couldnt breath, I panicked and ran out to bang on my aunts ( her sister ) next door, I ran back in the room and grabbed the phone to dial 911. I started CPR and was screaming and my 18 year old came in and was leaning over her saying "nana! Nana!" The 911 operator kept telling me to move her onto the floor so me and my son picked her up and set her onto the floor but her lips were already dark blue. The ambulance came in after 10 mins of calling and they carried her out into the living room where they said they don't feel a pulse. They then took her into the ambulance and took her away. I arrived at the hospital, I couldn't see her for the first hour or two so I figured no news is good news right? Finally they let me and my aunt ( her Sister) in to see her around 1am. That's when I seen her with the breathing machine. Her heart was beating but barely. I was there all night, I went home around 7am to get a little sleep but I couldn't sleep at home so I went back to the hospital around 830am. Around 9 am the doctor informed me that my mother has pneumonia and it's not only in her lungs but has infected her whole body, it was septic shock and she probably won't make it through the day. The doctor told me they had to give her antibiotics and the medicine they need to give her would paralyze her entire body so they could control everything, heart, lungs and all other organs. My entire family Started to show up all morning, around 20 of us were there including her closest sister who drove an hour away from home she has 2 but is closest to the one who lives farther away. My mom passed away that day at 3:47 pm. I'm still shocked. I'm home right now and can't sleep. It's hard to see her room. My boys are taking it hard, especially my 18 yr old who seen her that way in the room and can't get her face out of his mind in those last moments. She looked so afraid in that last moment and it just kills me to know that she basically suffocated to death

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Angelnks65, I understand exactly how you feel. I lost my mom and best friend Jan 23rd of this year. My mom developed cancer which spread to the lung,back & then to the brain. This happened very quickly & I found it so difficult to deal with. She lived with me, & I depended on her love & support every day of my life. Now that she is gone the holiday's are so hard to deal with. I have two grandchildren & have to celebrate for them. The shopping & the preparation is unbearable for me. I like you, would love to sleep through it also. Do you have any siblings? I am an only child, My parents were all that I had. I wish that I could tell you that it gets better, but for me it has not. I lost my dad 24 yrs ago, & still miss him every day also. I feel lost without them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi:

I lost my mother on December 3, 2013. She was diagnosed with a glioblastoma multiforme in August of 2013. After a very sucessful operation and recovery, we decided to send her to MD Anderson for treatment. Our goal was to get her at least another 2 years. She accepted the challenge and her diagnosis with bravery and dignity. After 3 weeks of treatment, she was doing great, then the wheels started to come off. She was hospitlized for one week, returned to the RV park they were staying for one week, then hospitalized and sent to rehab. I traveled to be with my parents. My dad is 80 and my mom was 76. After her last treatment, we had her transported home. where she stayed for a couple of days, when it was discovered that she had blood clots in her lungs. Treatment for that lasted a few days and then she was sent to rehab. Thanksgiving week, I suffered a detached retina and had to have emergency surgery, so I was not able to be with her.

My dad had thanksgiving lunch with my mom and she was okay, then that night, she had terrible pains and was taken to the emergency room. From there it was determine that she had septic shock. She passed away five days later on December 3. As it turns out, the cancer did not take her life, but the infection did.

We are lost without her. She was my rock, my friend, and my constant supporter. I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with her loss. I miss her every minute of every day.

My heart goes out to you and all who have lost loved ones. The time with them is so precious, but we usually don't understand until they are gone. My mother was part of my every day life as I only lived two miles from them. This christmas will be very difficult.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Angelnks65, I understand exactly how you feel. I lost my mom and best friend Jan 23rd of this year. My mom developed cancer which spread to the lung,back & then to the brain. This happened very quickly & I found it so difficult to deal with. She lived with me, & I depended on her love & support every day of my life. Now that she is gone the holiday's are so hard to deal with. I have two grandchildren & have to celebrate for them. The shopping & the preparation is unbearable for me. I like you, would love to sleep through it also. Do you have any siblings? I am an only child, My parents were all that I had. I wish that I could tell you that it gets better, but for me it has not. I lost my dad 24 yrs ago, & still miss him every day also. I feel lost without them.

Vivi,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's comforting to know others understand the heart ache. I never knew it was possible to hurt so bad until mom died. Even seeing the word (died) does not seem real. Im thankful that Christmas is almost over with as it has taken a toll on my mind and body. It seemed I did better when I was in shock because denial was my best friend.I lost my dad 25 years ago but had mom at my side. I am an only child as my brother was killed in a drunk driver car wreck 19 yrs ago.xxxx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

What a beautiful poem! It brought lots of tears to my eyes, particularly, as this site seems to be the only thing that keeps me somewhat sane, by hearing about other people´s feelings, which are so very similar to mine!

I feel so lost right now, so afraid of the future, a future which could last 40 years, all of them without my mom and very best friend, my partner and companion through so many adventures, through both very happy and difficult times.

I just feel so alone, even though I still have family, friends, and a wondeful husband. I am afraid that everybody will reject me and abandon me, as I seem to be no fun anymore, just gloom.

I´m so scared of becoming depressed and unable to work and function, of becoming permanently crippled by anxiety.......

I seemed to have been functioning better right up to New Year´s, and then I broke down and have been unable to leave the house and do all the things that I need to do.

At least I am off work right now, because I cannot really focus, sadness and anxiety suddenly overwhelm me and I don´t feel like doing much, except cry and cry.

I wonder if everybody feels like that during their grieving process, or if what I am feeling is unique to me and my personality.

Also, I cannot believe why I cannot dream of my mom or feel her presence, and God´s love, as I used to. It´s as if I were completely empty inside, and didn´t believe in anything anymore.

If somebody can help, it woudl be greatly appreciated.

Thank you and sorry for your losses, believe me, I know what you are going through.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Trish,

First of all, I´m really sorry for your loss :( It´s na awful experience to lose a parent. Your loss is very recent and grief has many ups and more downs. I also suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and even today get afraid of becoming depressed and being left alone (you´re not alone on these feelings).

It´s been almost 9 months for me and sometimes I can´t believe it, but the truth is I´m still here and you´ll be too :) it´s a hard path to travel and the pain and anxiety will be overwhelming at times. I don´t know how you dealt with anxiety in the past or even if you experienced it before, but there are things that can help to ease it.

As I always tend to bottle everything up, during the first weeks, I always dedicated part of my time remembering my dad and feeling the pain, I cried and cried for a while and then would try to sleep, I also got a diary where I write to my dad, tell him how I´m feeling, what´s going on in my life, etc…

As soon as I had a bit more strength, I went back to the gym, at first once a week and then escalate it from there… I tried to force myself into a routine to regain some control and practice yoga every day before going to bed.

Each one of us finds different ways to deal with grief, along the way you´ll begin to realize that the mood swings are normal and even though they change fast at the beginning, over time, they will be more stable and not feel like a rollercoaster.

Therapy, especially for anxiety has helped me and as I experienced difficulties falling asleep early and had to work early, my GP gave some anti-anxiety pills that I used to take twice a day at first, then reduced to one at night and now, half’s and some days none.

Try not to be hard on yourself and don´t feel like a freak for not feeling normal, it´s too early and grief takes time.

If you need anything, just let me know.

A big hug

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear MissUDad,

Thanks so much for your kind words, they mean the world to me, as it is really hard to talk about my grief with my friends and family, given that they seem to have a matter of fact type of attitude, and avoid feelings and emotions altogether. They wish I could move on as quickly as possible, as if it was that easy.

I saw my mom die, gasping for air and it was traumatic. She could no longer really speak, and no matter how many times I told her that I loved her and held her had and kissed her, she seemed to be focused on dying, on resting, on stopping the damned pain caused by that monster illness called cancer, which was eating up at her body. I, in the mean time, couldn´t cry and was in a sort of shock, unable to react, as if it wasn´t me who was experiencing that situation, but I was rather watching a movie about somebody else. I feel so guilty about that, and also about the fact that I wished for it to end as quickly as possible so I could go back to my normal life overseas, next to my husband and back to work, as it if was possible to do that so easily. How naive and selfish I was, wasn´t I?

Obviously, I was in denial, and only now, this week, my sadness has hit me super hard, I cry every single day, and it´s hard to get out of bed, eat, sleep, and do the normal things that most people take for granted.

Yes, anxiety about the fact that I will not see my mom again in this life takes over me sometimes, unexpectedly, and yes, I have been taking some medication, which certainly helps me, but which doesn´t take away the pain.

My brother also lives overseas, in the same country as I do, and we both have been living away from home for over ten years, so I thought I was used to being without my mom, but it has hit me as if I had been living with her every single day, as if I were still a child. I miss her all the time, during the day, when I wake up and go to sleep, when I go out, everything reminds me of her, particularly as I am staying alone in her apartment. It is super hard.

I am crying now as I write this, as it is allowing me to express my emotions.

I feel so guilty about the fact that I moved away for work and was so focused on my work and own life that I didn´t visit enough, especially, as I live very far away from my country of birth, and my work commitments seemed to be overwhelming. However, I met with my mom many times, and we took some fantastic holidays. She also went to see us where we live, and if fact, we spent the last three months of her life together, thinking that what she had was a herniated disc in her spine and not lung cancer, so anyhow, I didn´t take her pain as seriously as I should have, and even got somewhat angry at her in the end for not eating (which she truly loved to do for most of her life) and for feeling depressed (unlike her usual very cheerful, motivated and energetic self). I didn´t know it was her illness, not her, or that it was a fatal illness. I wish I had been more understanding, supportive and loving than I was.

However, my aunts and uncles, her siblings, have mentioned how highly she spoke of me and how much she knew I loved her.

I just don´t know what to think as in the end it was very hard to talk about ´critical´ issues because I was in denial and trying to avoid additional pain, as I already knew that my mom was going to die, and my mom was affected by her pain and the bloody pain medication, and didn´t have the energy to discuss delicate issues like she used to. It was as if my mom´s soul was already gone, and only a shell of her old self remained.

It was all so quick and unexpected. I mean, she was only 67 and up until very recently she had been in perfect health. So, it is really hard to comprehend why, why now, and why not to other siblings of hers who don´t have any kids. I know this rationale is stupid, but I cannot help wonder.

Also, I have always been a spiritual person, and right now I feel detached from God, I don´t feel the love or peace that comes from God, I feel empty, and very lonely. I don´t feel my mom either, though I still talk to both her and God at least once a day, but without conviction, without soul. I am just overwhelmed by my grief, and sometimes I wish I could die to end the pain.

Anyhow, I´ve got a loving father, a loving brother, a baby nephew who I love, lots of aunties, uncles and cousins, and a loving husband, a job to go back to and so on, but I still feel empty, I feel a massive void that I cannot fill.

I just hope it gets a lot better, and yes, when I return to my normal place of residency, I will join a grief support group and talk to a grief counselor, but right now being at my mom´s apartment, with her touch and pictures everywhere, and alone, really kills me. It makes me feel really sad and depressed, and adds up to my pain and sorrow.

Warm regards,

Trish

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My Mom Lost A 20 MontH Battle O Ovarian Cancer On Dec. 8, 2013, One Month Today. When She Was Diagnosed She Knew The Prognosis Would Be Death. In The '80s She Worked For An Oncologist And Saw First Hand What Any Type Of Cancer Can Do To A Persons Mind Body And Soul. The First Batch Of Chemo Surprised Her With No Visual Side Effects. Her Term Was "A Cake Walk" Afte Only 6 Months, ShE Went Into Remission, But That Only LastedIndependent 3 Months. AEnfantOne Sudo Receptive Round, She Was Given A Second And Different Type Of Chemo. "Not So Much Of A Cake Walk" With Most Symptoms Related To Chemo. Her FinaL Round Kicked Her IndePendAnT Hard headEd British AsS. The Friday Before Thanksgiving She Went In To Have PLuracy Drain, BuT Ended Up With A Punctured Lung. She Was AdmitteD, The First Week Went Well,

until they decided to a Pluradesis talcum powder insertion PRocedure,

to repair the punctured lung, that unsuccessful procedure was The Beginning of the end. father contacted Hospice

and a 24/7 Nursing Service, so she could be discharged from the hospital And takEn home. That Happen Friday December the 6th, and she passed away Sunday December the 8th. If the fact of losing a loved one in the month of December is bad enough, Mom would have been 74, on December 25th. I am suffering from anxiety, major depression, withdrawal, lack of enthusiasm, constant headaches, upset lower and upper GI tract. I AM Lost WithOut My Mother And Best Friend.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi MNBFCarter,

I´m truly sorry for your loss and completely understand what you are going through. Cancer is an awful illness that destroys familys, it destroys the body, mind and soul of those who suffer from it and the lifes of their loved ones. It is a totally unexpected thing in most cases, and it is not something that we bring upon ourselves, as my mom was incredibly healthy, ate properly, exercised regularly, had medical checkups regularly and had a healthy weight. She was the centre of my world too, and I completey understand what you are going through.

I had never had any issues getting out of bed, but now I do, I find it really hard to do so, as if I were depressed somehow, and I feel anxious about not being able to see my mom again, not physically anyway, and God only knows when my time will come, what if it comes in twenty years, or even in forty years? That is way too long to live without my mom, and all of this brings terrible sorrow to my soul and worries me every day.

I also get headaches, lots of them, which was never the case, and I think it is obvioulsy because of the amazing stress that I am experiencing, and added to that, I have to sort my mom´s estate out before returning to my regular place of residence, and therefore, there is a lot on my plate right now and I wonder when it will get easier, or if it will ever get easier again, if I will feel at peace ever again.....

I really don´t know how one copes, who one manages to live another day, or why, but I believe my mom always wanted me to thrive and survive till we can be together again. So, I need to fight for her, for all that she taught me, because of her strength and example. She was an amazing person, and I am sure your mom was too.

How are you copying with your grief? Have you gone to a doctor? Are you getting any counseling? Have you got any close friends or family to talk to?

This forum is fantastic, as any grieving person like us can talk and vent without being judged, so at least this exists, imagine what it was like before the Internet!

Anyway, I´m here to listen whenever you wish to talk, please take care of yourself, and remember that sadness, anxiety, despair, anger and the constant need to cry are part of the very tough grieving process that we are presently experiencing, so do what you can one day at the time, and if sometimes you need to crawl into a ball, do so and cry until you can no longer do so.

Warm regards,

Trish

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.