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I am losing it today


BigAggie06

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My wife and I had issues conceiving and ended up doing IVF. Our sweet babies, a boy and a girl, Michael Franklin and Elizabeth LaRose, were born on September 27th at 23 weeks and 6 days. We had been admitted to Texas Children's Hospital Women's Pavillion in Houston (where we live) that Monday because my wife was starting to dilate, we knew there was cause for concern but things looked like they would hold steady until Thursday night when everything went down hill ... it was such a quick progression we didn't have time to think.

The Dr's at TCH were great ... we knew the possibilities and we knew what had to be done. Both babies were delivered and were responding well to treatment, they even got their oxygen levels down to near normal on the ventilator ... I am an extremely optimistic person and i was convinced with as well as they were doing that they were going to be OK ... and they were for a little over 24 hours ... about 3:45 on Saturday the 28th Elizabeth started to have some complications. She had a bleed where her IVs went into her stomach and they couldn't get it to stop, from there it was downhill and we lost her at around 5:00. Complete and utter shock ..by that time Michael had begun to have issues with his body chemistry. They were giving him various meds which he would respond to for a period of time then everything would go haywire again. The NICU doc decided to order a head ultrasound which showed that he had two brain bleeds, one on each side of his head ... we lost our baby boy at 9:20.

We are blessed with a large family and great friends so we have a good support group, and I have been doing ok, I keep telling myself we had some of the best doctors available in one of the top hospitals, I keep focused on my wife making sure she is doing ok. I let myself cry but usually it is on my long drive to or from work when my brain has nothing but the music and traffic to distract it but I generally hold it together ... today I am a complete wreck for the first time and I am almost in a panic.

The radio station i listen to is having a radiothon for Childrens Cancer research benefiting TCH ... I knew that I should change the channel but I couldn't and listening to some of the stories they were telling just pushed me over the edge ... I can't stop thinking about my babies and it is like I am living those nightmare hours over and over again in my head in fast forward repeatedly. I am sitting at my desk at work trying to hold back my tears but it is getting increasingly more difficult. I just found this forum and had to post something in the hopes that it might help a little.

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Bless those little babies. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you and your wife. I would suggest that you just let your feelings out. Go somewhere you can be alone and just let it out. Beat up a pillow, scream, cry, just get it all out in the open. I feel so bad for you guys.

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So sorry. I know no words could help at a time like this, but we do understand. And it is ok to "lose it".

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