Members Nkosi'sMommy Posted November 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2013 November 27, 2012 I gave birth via c-section to my son. He was 25wks when my membranes ruptured. I was in active labor with his feet and legs coming out of my cervix for 4 hours before they could perform the c-section. My anesthesia and the stress was too hard on him and his heart crashed shortly after birth. They couldn't revive him. I was still asleep so I did not get to see him alive, but my husband did. I am convinced that if I had been able to get to a better hospital, not my hometown hospital without a NICU, he would have survived. He was a perfectly healthy little boy. I kind of went a little crazy after that. I tried very hard not to show my pain to anyone. My husband was having such a hard time dealing that I did't think i could lose it until he was stronger. I appeared to be unflappable. Only a few people saw me cry. My friends even took me out to my birthday dinner less than a week after I got out of the hospital. I think this took a toll on me mentally. I couldn't sleep. I was having hallucinations and blackouts. I was doing and saying things I don't remember. I became very, very angry and mean. I lost friends because of my behavior, some of it I remember and some it I don't. I am still angry. I get angry everyday when someone acts like I should be over it, when someone gets uncomfortable when I mention his name, or when someone else is ungrateful for what hey have. I am now 19wks pregnant with our second child, our daughter Aminah. I have an ultrasound every 2wks and every appointment my stomach drops as I wait for bad news. I will not be able to go on if something happens to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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