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finding it hard to deal with sudden death of my mum


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My mum died very sudden last month and I don't know ifni can deal with it. She was taken into hospital on Monday and we were told that night after emergency surgery to prepare for the worst, then Tuesday afternoon when second surgery was over we were told she would not wake up. Since then it seems likeminhave had to take her place to an extent due to my dad and older brother turning into young kids if you like and alcohol .

I have had to deal with all the paperwork and insurance companies etc etc but I feel as if they don't actually realise that I am hurting like never before, my mum is the world to me she annoyed me chronically at times but she was there to do that and now she has gone and it hurts like I never knew I could hurt while still breathing.

I am very lucky in a way that I have a partner who is so totally understanding as he himself has wenthro it with his own mum but I feel like I can't let even him in to my head as I have to be strings for my dad and brother while basically dying inside myself

Sorry that this is all the place but its how my head feels all the time and ireally need to know what to do right now I can't break as I don't have the time ,


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Hi! I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I too had difficult times with my mom but at the same time...I loved her dearly. I think that is a normal mom / child relationship. I am also sorry that you are having issues with your brother and dad. I also had huge issues with my sister right after my mom died. I think everyone deals with grief in there own ways and I think in a perfect world we all come together after the death of someone we love, but we do not live in a perfect world. Sometimes our grief is taken out on the people that surround us. Please know that you are not alone. We are all here and there are a lot of us have felt or are feeling that pain that you are feeling. Please just give yourself time to heal. I lost my mom on September 11, 2012 and I am a lot better now then I was a year ago. Time and Talking are the things that will help you get through these very difficult months. Odd, but I also had the responsiblitly of sitting all by myself with my mom when she passed away and I had to organize and pay for her entire funeral because my dad and my sister "couldn't deal with it". Please just ask friends to help you during this time. Don't feel that you have to do it all by yourself. It can be very overwhelming. Especially when you are grieving and have to deal with it all. Just know that you are the one that can do these things...not for your dad or your brother but for you mom. She knows that you are the one who is trying to keep it all together.

Time...Time...Time will heal that pain, but you have to give yourself time. Get Sleep. Eat Right. Talk to someone who will listen. My husband is the best man in the world. He will listen to me talk all day. However, I was getting tired of talking to him. I saw the sadness in his eyes and I started to talk to a therapist. If you can talk to a therapist....I recommend it. Mine actually just sat there and listened while I talked, but really isn't that what we need. One day you will see your mom again and she will be so proud of you. Alcohol is something that should be mixed with grieving very very carefully. It will not heal the hurt. Some people may feel that they are numb to the situation when they drink, but it doesn't help it...it just prolongs the pain.

Hugs to you my friend. Give yourself some time. Grieve. If you are celebrating the upcoming holidays, just know that they are very hard for everyone who has lost a loved one, whether it is 2 months fresh or 6 years ago. They are difficult times, so just get through it the best you can. Do what you can. Surround yourself with friends and just know that it does get easier, but you must give yourself time. The next year will feel like the longest year you have every had. However, a few months after that year mark...you will read one of these post and you will say to yourself...I remember that pain. That is when you know that you have really begin to heal.

Hugs to you!

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