Members sheela Posted June 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 this is so sad & sudden to me i am still in deep shock i dont know how but i am. i hurt & miss her constantly, i never really though even though she was sick since 1990 that she would be gone some day. i just never saw it coming. i never saw it coming that i would be here all alone without her in my life anymore at all. its so hard especially at night. i so lonely then and it hurts so much more. i miss her so much & i miss just being able to go and crawl in bed with her for a few hours and just lay next to her and watch the tv with her. i miss that so much. sometimes we would lie on the couch together and watch tv there too. i miss that also. i miss everything about her all the time. shes always on my mind, she nevers leaves my thoghts not even for a few seconds. its amazing i just never knew that it was possible to think of someone so much with out going completly crazy. maybe i am now ? i am so filled with sadness & emptiness. there are no words for this horror.here is what i wrote a friend below, i am to tired to type it all over so i will just copy/paste it.this is me too -- mine passed last year this coming Friday -- so hard - i am going thru the same thing as you are.. she was my only family left. my father is retarded and didnt get enough oxygen as he was being born he is (78) and sister is (48) and a severe drug addict, i have one aunt (74) who lives 750 miles away that's all that is left.. so sad.. mother was everything to me. i miss her so..my heart cries out for her even in my dreams.. the first year has gone by in such a blur, its just unbelievable. i dont know where the time has went.. its has just been a absolute nightmare for me. a horror story unfolding especially at night when i try to sleep and when i dream, then its so painful then as well. nights are the hardest imaginable. i just lay there and think of mother what she went thru, her illness from 1990 on etc. i see her in my dreams at times and she hugs me i know its her, the Father in heaven can do anything even that. Mother would be so proud of me for holding on this long on my own financially and else wise. i have severe migraines and so i am on disability for that & a few other smaller health problems. i have been on disability & mother also for her CHF & Emphysema since 1995. so i dont have it easy at all. i get 630 a month and that's it that's all i have to live on. Mother and i used to talk all the time about me getting my own apt. we both got section 8 and had & still have lower rent than most people thank God. but we both agreed that i couldn't make it on my own $$. but i have been doing it for almost a year now. i thank God for that and Mother too for pulling for me and praying for me. she was such a wonderful sweet lady that she had to almost be a saint, especially after all she went thru in her very hard, tormented life.. i know she pulls for me from heaven. we talked about this for many months before she passed, i asked her to pull for me from heaven and to always talk to Jesus & God for me to ask them to help me. i know she is. However i still miss her so much. i miss surprising her with some small thing maybe a new candy bar etc & i miss seeing the surprise & delight in her eyes when i would tell her some good news etc. i just miss her.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.