Members brooklyn30 Posted June 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 My son was born on May 25, 2008 and spent his short life in NICU unable to breath on his own, filled with fluid and on an aggressive respirator until his heart could not work anymore and he died May 26, 2008.I've always had faith in God, even during other moments of tragedy in my own life, my fathers death at a young age, depression in my teen years, a terrible spot in our marriage, I still believed in God. I can understand calamity and stuff happening to me I probably deserve it, but a one day old baby doesn't deserve to suffer like that ever. I wasn't the best Catholic but I did believe in God and never doubted. Now after witnessing a one day old baby suffer and live just a terrible 24 hours only to die without ever knowing his parents or his brother and sister I am starting to seriously wonder what purpose that could possibly have?My house feels completely empty even with my wife and two other kids in it. People try to make me feel better by stating it's better he go now then you get attached to him and he dies a year later. What kind of stupid logic is that? I mean seriously by that logic it's better that everyones kids die after one horrid day in a hospital than risk losing them after you get "attached" to him like he's a nice pair of jeans...Things happened so fast and I was worried for my wife and I didn't spend enough time with him and I feel terribly guilty about it. I can't really talk about it because I'm the husband and father so I have to be strong for my wife. I had to make all the arrangements, meet the funeral director, get everything together to put into Jack's casket, visit his grave and make sure it's undisturbed and has flowers on it, call the doctors to follow up, cook, clean, look after our other two kids etc... It's like I'm not allowed to grieve because that wouldn't be "being strong" or "being a man". I got the same stuff when my father died when I was 12 "you have to be strong for your Mom" what is up with that? So that's what I do, I remain stoic but inside my house and life feels pretty empty and just sad. I don't think my wife and I have said more than two words to each other since this happened...In conclusion after this I'm pretty sure God doesn't exist, there's no reason why a little baby would have to suffer and die like that, no reason at all.Thanks for listening to my rant, I had to get that out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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