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Paul 6/13/1979 - 6/2/2006


survivor22

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survivor22

I am really having a difficult time as Paul will be gone 2 years on June 2nd and I am still trying to digest losing Scott 3/10/89 - 10/10/2007. My heart is heavy. Does it get any easier? I feel all the emotions all over again, and again, and again. They feel like tidal waves knocking me down. I feel as though I am on auto pilot and it takes a lot of energy to stay strong. I'm having a "Miss you!" day :(

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4everjoeysmom

Survivor, Truthfully, I am still waiting for "easier".  It will be 2 years at the end of July since Joey has been gone, and I still have those tidal waves--though they are fewer and farther between, not seeming to last as long.  So, I guess in a sense it gets a bit more bearable with time.  But as you lost Scott recently too and Paul's 2-year date is only days away, it's a fine line, very fine, in how the grief is compounded and one counteracts the other in sadness, tears, pain, suffering, missing...  There is a woman, Rody, who visits regularly on the Grif & Healing/Christian Loss of Child thread.  She lost two sons within 2 years of one another--the first by accident and the second having taken his life as he was overcome with grief.  She truly has been an encouragement for many of us--most having lost one child.  Personally I can only imagine the horror of losing both of my sons, and it tears my heart up knowing the immeasurable pain you feel.  Those waves of missing are so hard to ride.  I've been having some big Miss-You Waves these past few weeks as well, and it's all to keep from hyperventilating in some moments.  I'm so sorry for your pain...  I do feel it gets a bit more bearable with time, but it's a rough ride on the waves, and I'm thankful to have others here to journey wth.  It does help to not feel so isolated and alone when I am having tough days.  And when I have good days it is healing to lend a word of encouragement to another who is riding a wave.  I hope and pray in time that some connections here will help you through those difficult days and vring you enocuragement for the journey.  Hugs, Claudia

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survivor22

It helps to know that someone else understands the intense pain that a person endures when they lose a child, no matter how the child died. Knowing that I can come here and vent to someone who truly understands helps me to make it through the difficult times. Thank you for taking the time to reply and I will be thinking of you also as we share this journey! Carolyn

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johnnysmama

Dear Carolyn

I am so sorry for your losses of both your precious Scott and Paul. I feel your heart wrenching saddness in your post and I wish I could take your pain away. I do feel it with you as I lost my prcious son 14 months ago. We are forever changed and right now I feel I will forever be sad. All I can say is their love is what keeps me going. That never dies-it is eternal. So we get up everyday and try our best for them. One minute at a time. With their love and with the love and support here. Take care and post all you need. We will listen and we will understand.

Kay

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survivor22

Kay, I am very sorry for your loss. I thank you for your kind words. Just knowing that there are so many other people on the same journey through grief helps me :)

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