My mother my everything :(

[Rwilliams1346]

.. On 9-27-10 my mother had a massive stroke that took away her ability to speak and walk this stroke paralyzed my mother on the right side.

From that day forward my life was at a change for the worst! I watched my mother suffer and my sisters blamed me for the stroke they said if I wouldn't have had my disagreements with my mother that this wouldn't have happened... Whats makes matters worse is that my mother and I weren't talking she was upset with me for staying out late.

I am 24 years old now at the time I was 21 and just moved back home to help with the bills. I woke up to my sister yelling saying that somethings wrong with mom. My mother was in the bathroom when the stroke happened, It was like 2:00am. I looked at my mother and for the first time she didn't recognize me.

She regained her memory back slowly. But she was left paralyzed and couldn't speak or talk her words would become confused with numbers.

The guilt I have is not treating her better before her stroke and not knowing that she was ill....

I watched my mother suffer for 3 years before she passed at hospice

I was her care taker for most of the time.

The most hurtful thing in the world is to see your loved one in pain and to have to change their soiled diapers =(

My mother passed away at 3:15am at the hospice in san antonio tx.

I wasn't even the 1st or second to find out

My older sister who was power of attorney hid it from me until about 10am

I dont think I can forgive my sister for being the only one there by mom's side before she passed especially since I lived 10 minutes away from the hospice NO ONE LET ME KNOW...

When I visited my mother she was stiff and the blood was no longer in her body but it was all pulled to the bottom of her body. I held her for over an hour crying until my spouse pulled me out of the room..

I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and deep depression that makes me exhausted..

I guess I am on here today hoping to find someone to talk to

Rebecca

[widower2]

I'm so sorry. Your sisters' behavior is inexcusable, not to mention incredibly stupid, frankly. People don't get strokes because they're upset, which I hope you know, so them blaming you (or more importantly, you blaming you) is ridiculous. This is the first of many clues your sisters are in desperate need of.

Second, where were these self-righteous jerks when your mom needed taking care of? I'd remind them of that. YOU are the one who stepped up and was there for her; it sounds like they were not, for the most part if at all. In fact, I suspect that's crossed their minds more than once and they are choking on it - in fact maybe that's why they were lashing out. But they will have to deal with that the rest of their lives - while you I hope can take solace in knowing how you were there for her in her darkest hours.

That all said, it's been a long time now...if you're still struggling so badly, I suggest you see a grief counselor about this. I wish you the best!

[ModKonnie]

Rebecca, I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. As for your sisters--they were completely wrong about blaming you for your mother's stroke, and they should have realized that by now. Unfortunately, people respond to horrible situations in all kinds of ways, and your sisters were just looking for some reason for all of this, so you became the misdirected target. Perhaps some counseling would help you sort through all of the anger, hurt, fear, grief, and every other feeling you are feeling. Please know we will be here for you. --ModKonnie