lost my mom exactly 1 week ago

[DPOP1942]

I have allready posted to 2 other writers on this site, but i would like to tell my story also. I lost my dad 10 years ago, and 1 week ago i lost my heart, the love of my life, my mom, yes i am a mama's boy, but i could not help it, my mom was always there for me , unlike my dad, although he was a good provider, he just wasn't a good dad, and he was a bad alcoholic. My mom and me would go to town and eat and i would take her to appointments and basically was her caregiver, my mom got to the point where she got so tired of hospitals and doctors and didnt want to go anymore, but for selfish reasons i would allways make her go because i wanted her around as long as i could have her in my life. Well the night before she died she fell and i called the ambulance to her, but she would not go and the e.m.t's said on the phone the second time they were called that as long as she was able to answer certain questions that she did not have to go, well i tried begging and pleading, which did not work, and then i threatened to make her go to assisted living and she still would not go, but i heard her crying and i feel so guilty because i believe those were the last words i said to her, and i was just trying to get her help but she would not go. Well some people have told me that i did all i could do, but thats not true because in the past i went over and forced her to go, and i didnt do that this time so i feel like it is my fault for her dying. I am a christian and i believe that we all have our certain time to go , but for some reason i feel like it wasnt her time and it was all my fault she died, if i had only been a better son, if i would have put her in assisted living ayear earlier her condition might have been better, but she did not want to go, so i did not make her, but that was a mistake because she would have gotten the care i could not give her. Is there anybody else that can understand my guilty feelings ? Thanks ahead of time to any replies to my story, and may God bless you.

[ModKonnie]

DPOP1942, You sound like a good person and son, and you really have nothing to feel guilty about (although I know that's easier said than done). Your mother was an adult with complete decision-making skills, and she knew what she wanted and didn't want. A week is certainly not long enough to even begin to process such a profound loss. It's okay to feel awful and cry and then get mad or frustrated or whatever you want. I think we all feel guilty about the "I should have done this or that" after our precious parents pass on. But it's okay--they love us and always will, and we will always love them no matter what. Try not to be so hard on yourself--you loved her, and you were simply respecting her wishes. That's the right thing to do. --ModKonnie

[DPOP1942]

Thanks for the reply modkonnie, your right it is easier said than done to not feel guilty, but i know in time, with only God's help and caring people like you will i maybe some day forgive myself , but like you said it is real new to me right now. I dont know if you are religious or not but if you are please pray for me and i will definitely pray for you. Thanks again, and God bless.