Three Weeks

[Annie_Alone]

Well, today makes it three weeks since I lost the love of my life. I've been slowly working my way through the to-do list, closing accounts, notifying creditors, starting the process to get the house in my name alone, etc. This morning I switched his car and his motorcycle over to my name. With each item checked off the list, there is a sense of relief that something is done, and a feeling like I'm getting stabbed in the chest over and over again. Everyone is expressing their most sincere condolences and every time I hear that I want to cry. I don't want condolences, I want my husband. I spent half of my life with him and now I have to learn how to live without him.

Food still tastes like cardboard, and I find myself keeping busy around the house so I don't have to sit in the living room and watch TV alone for very long. I went back to work last week, which is somewhat of a distraction, but strangely exhausting at the same time. Everything seems to take more energy than it used to.

I had no idea it was even possible to miss him this much, to cry this much. I think some of the numbness is starting to wear off, revealing the raw pain underneath.

Monday is my birthday. Mike forgot it last year - we were dealing with the news that he had a terminal illness and he had started radiation already. Stupid cancer.

Maybe that's why I'm feeling particularly fragile. He may have forgotten it last year, but at least I still had him. I guess this is the first milestone - my first birthday without him.

[needy]

The dreaded list isn't fun at all.

I remember the food thing as well, then one day I had a club wrap it was amazing I could actually taste it. The drain of the energy isn't pleasant is it.

Happy Birthday to you. Hope you are getting yourself one big cake!!

[HeyJude]

I'm getting close to the one year mark and when I think about it I feel like I'm going to be sick. I too spent over half my life with my husband and it is very difficult to go on without him but I am doing it. I don't want to but I have too. Annie - it does get easier I promise you. You still miss them like crazy but I know for me, it has gotten easier.

[obakesan]

Yeah, food tastes like cardboard, and eating is a function not enjoyable. Its a hard road and the banks are heartless creatures.

Take only as many steps as you can. Don't be pushing too hard "for others".

Best wishes

[OldGeek]

Hang in there, Annie. I know it's not much consolation right now but it will get better even though you don't see how that is possible the way you are feeling now. Try to take things 1 day at time, or 1 hour if needed, you can make it through the next hour, right? Cherish the memories, most of them are of happy times after all, take time to stop and just look around for the good things in your environment, however small. I get chills just thinking about that raw pain I felt for the first month or 2, but it did in fact get better.