Lost my Dad two months ago at age 55

[nicci23]

My dad passed away on August 7, 2013, he was only 55. He was diagnosed with Leukemia about ten years ago and he received a Stem Cell Transplant seven years ago and from what it looked like, it saved his life, or just gave him time. He was as healthy as can be since his transplant and up until April everything went downhill. He was hospitalized becuase he was having trouble breathing, and they found that there was fluid crushing his lungs and this was something called Grafts Vs. Host which is a reaction to his transplant. He was hospitalized three times since April and they tried everything they could but he just grew weaker and eventually needed to be put on oxygen to get around. His last time being hospitalized was very tough and he was suffering, coughing constantly and very very weak. The fluid took over most of his body and he couldn't move on his own.

My dad was the strongest man I knew. He passed away with 10 of my family memebers with him at the hospital. He and my mom had been married for 34 years, they had been together since they were 19. I am 24, and I'm an only child, and I am very very close with my parents. My dad was my best friend. It is such a huge loss and I have a very hard time with it. He was the best guy I knew and the amount of people who showed up to his wake and funeral was just ubelievable. He was so loved and everyone was so shocked that he lost his battle. He got through so much in his life and for him to not make it through this time was very hard to grasp. I moved back home after college so it is just my mom and I in the house and she is having a tough time too. He was a carpenter who own his own business and he practically built our whole house so everything is a reminder of him. It is horrible to lose a father at any age, but I feel especially sad at this time because my life is just about to take off. I haven't gotten married or had kids yet, and he won't get to see any of that, and that tears me apart.

[Carlo]

Nicci23,

It will probably take a long time for you to realize what I'm about to say, and you may think I'm callous to say it. But, while reading your post, I couldn't help but think how very fortunate you are because you obviously had a great father and you were an excellent son. Although I was with my father several times each week, I didn't know him until about a month before he died. It was too late to show him the enormous love he generated in me once I saw who he really was. I'm old enough to be your father, never met you, but I think I know what your father felt for you. What you absorbed from him will make of you the same kind of man he was. You and he will become one and he will always be with you. The absence we feel is the gradual revelation of the true depth of our love for one another. Three years of grief has taught me this much; I'm sure there's more to come.

Carlo

[HeyJude]

I am so sorry for your loss nicci23. I lost my husband on 1/4/13. He was a heart/kidney transplant patient, 11/03. 9 years of no problems at all, no rejection etc. In Sept. '12 he got Aspergillus Pneumonia. He fought so hard to survive that and he did!! He was in the hospital for 4 months. They transferred him to physical rehab to learn to walk again, feed his self, all that good stuff and on the second night there he died. No warning, no nothing. I got a call around 12:30am early in the morning of 1/4. When I called the ER room they took him to the doctor got on the phone and told me he died. He was only 57.

So I can relate to what your feeling. So hopeful because a transplant did save their lives only to die way before their time. My son took it very hard too. He and his dad were very close, just like you and your dad. I think your doing right by coming here to talk. You have to get this straight in your head, if you know what I mean, and talking it out can do that.

Tell your mom that we have a great support group on Loss of Partner and she should join. I know exactly what she is going through and it isn't something you can go through on your own. You need support and possibly counseling.

My prayers are with you and your mom. Take care...

Judy

[Stewey005]

Nicci23,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father last year to prostate cancer. I was 25 and he was 60. We were very close and he was my biggest cheerleader.

It's perfectly normal to feel really sad about the moments that your dad won't be there for. In fact, in talking to other friends that lost a parent before they were 30 that was something we all felt. My dad was not able to see me graduate from law school, nor get engaged or married, or meet his grandkids. I don't know that there is really anything that anyone can say to make that loss better. But I think it is important to know that you aren't alone! There are many of us out here surviving and thriving. Making it through the milestones and even learning to honor our fathers even though they can't be with us physically.

Also, in my father's illness, it went on for years and there were definitely periods when he seemed perfectly healthy, where he was back running (he was an avid runner) and seeing friends and working. And then in the end it seemed like his health deteriorated at warp speed. I think that that process in itself can be traumatic. But I think you are doing a good job at remembering your father the way he was. He honestly sounds like a great guy, who was well liked and a strong person. It is traumatic to see your loved one hurting but it's important to keep it in perspective because their suffering is both momentary and just a small drop in the bucket of experiences in the life of someone that touched so man.

My prayers are with you and your family!