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Rough start to my day!


MissingDaniel

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MissingDaniel

I have had very few dreams about my husband in the months since I lost him. I had a couple spaced pretty far apart, and in both dreams, he was dying and I knew it. My memories were vague, but I remember just feeling generally sad when I woke up and remembering bits and pieces. I wished that I could have a dream about him where he wasn't dying.

Last night (this morning), I had another dream, but this one very vivid. This time, he had already died, but I was talking to him, to his spirit I guess. But it was like he was there right in front of me, and I was asking him to wait at the house and not leave until I had a chance to see him one more time, because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find him again if he left. My mother was even there with me, and she asked him to please stay for me because I needed to see him again, and I was crying, and she was crying. And then I woke up and I WAS crying. It was just that quick, straight from the dream to opening my eyes and awake. And so real! I just laid there and cried. And I just can't shake it this morning. It left me feeling so raw and emotional - almost like I was losing him all over again. Hope I don't feel like this all day :(

And of course, in the past, if I had a dream that bothered or upset me, it would have been him that I would have told about it, and who have helped me out of the funk - don't know who to talk to now.....just needed to get it out somehow. I don't know if my emotional state last night may have led to the dream, but I was watching that tribute to Cory Monteith on "Glee" last night, because I have felt really connected to that loss since it happened - he died pretty much exactly like my husband and was only a few years younger - and I was really emotional when I went to sleep. I had never even watched the show, but I just felt that I needed to watch that episode. Anyway, I've got to try to focus on work now and hope I can shake this sadness today. Best to all of you, and thanks for listening to me ramble.

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I hope you had an ok day today, especially since it started out so sad. I've had one vivid dream like that, where he just suddenly appeared the way he looked about three days before he died and I was so startled by that, I jerked awake right away. All in a split second, so I get the vividness and the suddenly awake part - its disconcerting, and the feeling sticks with you.

Have a peaceful evening.

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Oh hon, what a hard way to start the day :( . It can get very hard to seperate what i call, internal reality, from the external day to day reality when youre in grief, mainly cos youre constantly having to remind yourself that things have changed.

I hope the rest of your day is easier on you.

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I hope you're doing ok, and that the rest of the day was easier. Just wanted you to know i was thinking about you...and wishing you well.

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MissingDaniel

Thanks all for the thoughts! It helped once I got to work and got around other people. The weekend was better, though my mother brought up Thanksgiving, and I was immediately overcome by a sense of panic and dread. I'm not ready for that!! If I thought the kids would be okay with it, I'd pack them up and just go somewhere, maybe to the mountains, and forget Thanksgiving for this year. And Christmas? I won't even get started on that....

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Thanks all for the thoughts! It helped once I got to work and got around other people. The weekend was better, though my mother brought up Thanksgiving, and I was immediately overcome by a sense of panic and dread. I'm not ready for that!! If I thought the kids would be okay with it, I'd pack them up and just go somewhere, maybe to the mountains, and forget Thanksgiving for this year. And Christmas? I won't even get started on that....

You can come to freezing Minnesota! I have a ton of room at my house! LOL I am dreading Thanksgiving myself, but I guess we get a 2for1 since it would be Jim's Birthday that day also!

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MissingDaniel

Aww, thanks Katie. Wish I could :) Extra hugs to you on that day - I know that will be tough!

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