Members I miss my love Posted October 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2013 My fiance passed away july 8th 2013 in a freak car accident. .he ran a stop sign and hit a street sweeper at 80 mph. He didn't even brake..ill never know or understand why.. im now 18 weeks pregnant. I didn't know I was pregnant until 3 weeks after his passing. I feel like things are worse everyday. Im so alone always alone. The pain is unbearable. .my child will never know her father. .he wanted a baby so bad..we had 2 miscarriages this last year. Now suddenly this one carries to 2nd trimester and seems to be fine..he would be so happy..I cant stop crying getting over whelming feelings of hopelessness and meaningless life now. The flash backs I get all day I cant take it anymore. .noOne has ever loved me like hhe did and no one ever will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted October 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2013 Hi Love-First let me say that I am very sorry for your loss. It's the pitts isn't it? What your feeling is all part of the grieving process. I think everyone here has felt that overwhelming feeling of being so alone. My husband passed on Jan 4 of this year and I have been in and out of that feeling several times now. I know it seems like it will never ease but it will honey. It does get better. Not better but we all seem to find a place where we start to believe we can go on.You have been given the greatest gift ever, this new baby. It is going to be your job to make sureShe knows her daddy. Just like it is my job that my grandchildren get to know their PawPaw.Stay with us sweetheart. This is a wonderful place to get your footing back.Judy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members I miss my love Posted October 10, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2013 Th ank you judy...so far I haven't met anyone who has even remotely known what im going thru..my aunt was browsing for some help for me and suggested this site. .I haven't had any one to talk to..I am literally by myself all the time and that doesn't help..but everyone has there own life to live I cant have a baby sitter 24/7. It just hurts. .I fell trapped and hopeless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grace17313 Posted October 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2013 Hello. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my fiance, who I always referred to as my husband last year in June. I have 2 children, at the time my daughter was 3 and my son was month away from turning 1. It's tough. Nothing is the same. You have this beautiful baby coming to you, to help you. To give you something and someone to love like you have never loved before. To love you like only he did.Take care of yourself for your baby, for him. This baby is a piece of him. I'm not saying you will be healed of this unbearable pain because you wont be. Some time you will be so busy the pain wont be so strong. Other times it will take over you like it does now. Your baby is a blessing, a blessing he has given you to help you get through this difficult time. This is a very good place to come and to talk. You will realize you really aren't alone. There are so many of us going through this hell, maybe our stories are a little different but we can all relate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grace17313 Posted October 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2013 I didn't make it clear that they are both his children. I guess I just assumed you would know . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members andysgirl Posted October 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2013 So very sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my boyfriend 9 months ago suddenly at 38. It is so so hard but you've come to the right place to share your feelings. Sometimes just reading the other posts can help you through. It is hard to find people to relate to because no one really knows the extent of this kind of pain until they've lived it, and that makes things harder. Is there a support group or grief counceling services in your area? It's a hard step to make but it helps having that safe space to go to. Some times even a family doctor will provide those services. It's a long & difficult road, I'm so sorry you've found yourself on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members andysgirl Posted October 10, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2013 I just said my boyfriend was 38, he would have been 38 last Friday. I'm in a bad place this week, can't believe I just did that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted October 11, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2013 So sorry to hear about your loss, but happy for you that things are going well for this baby. Please try and rest and take good care of yourself..it seems that is a common thing among many of us, not sleeping and eating like we need to, to stay healthy. Come and talk to people here- I know it seems sometimes, that no-one is around, but people wander in and out of this site at all sorts of strange hours. I also found it helped me, to just come and read old posts sometimes- they gave me ideas for things to try..and sometimes it just helped to see that i really wasn't alone..others here have felt some of the same things. It made me feel less isolated, and made it feel less like no one would understand. If you have good friends or family close by, make sure you call and just ask them, if they could come by , or if they have a few minutes to talk..sometimes people don't call because they are worried they will disturb you resting, too. Try and think about as many of the happy memories as you can- that helps me through sometimes , too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tnwulf0513 Posted October 11, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2013 My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. My wife of 13 years passed unexpectedly on aug 28th this year. I know the overwhelming waves of loss, loneliness, helplessness, and sometimes guilt that seem to crush the life out of you. But, as others here have said it gets better, you will have bad days and good days. Just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and come back here where you will find kind, supportive people who truly understand what you are going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members redfish99999 Posted October 11, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2013 Sorry for your loss. but, you must take good care of yourself and the expectant baby.... You have a lot to look forward toward and your health is a very, very important issue right now.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted October 11, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2013 Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for what you are going through! I know it feels very bittersweet, but like so many have said, you've got to focus on that new life, that piece of him, and take care of yourself. Please come back here and post whenver you need encouragement or comfort, we are here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted October 13, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2013 So sorry about your loss! I do know how a sudden loss feels! Feel free to message me anytime! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members I miss my love Posted October 19, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2013 Im not doing well at all. I literally have no one, no one to help me with anything. .I have to do everything on my own, my medical insurance got cancelled bcuz I have a job? My baby ggirl will never know her daddy and his side of yhe family doesn't even try to have anything to do with me. This hurts...I been an addict my whole life I DONT KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH THIS **** and being by myself 90% of the time makes it worse. .I been using, not alot but just to get out of my own head,cuz I will literally cry uncontrollably all day long... nothing I do is good for this pregnancy and now I can't even see a doctor, I work my ass off and barely make my bills I can't afford health insurance, they want me to pay 1500? So much stress on top of more stess and im by myself with no hhelp from no one, I have no family that can help me financially or in any type of way... I'm just... to my limit. ..I cant take it anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissuDad Posted October 21, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2013 Im not doing well at all. I literally have no one, no one to help me with anything. .I have to do everything on my own, my medical insurance got cancelled bcuz I have a job? My baby ggirl will never know her daddy and his side of yhe family doesn't even try to have anything to do with me. This hurts...I been an addict my whole life I DONT KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH THIS **** and being by myself 90% of the time makes it worse. .I been using, not alot but just to get out of my own head,cuz I will literally cry uncontrollably all day long... nothing I do is good for this pregnancy and now I can't even see a doctor, I work my ass off and barely make my bills I can't afford health insurance, they want me to pay 1500? So much stress on top of more stess and im by myself with no hhelp from no one, I have no family that can help me financially or in any type of way... I'm just... to my limit. ..I cant take it anymoreHi I miss my loveFirst of all let me say, I´m really sorry for your loss L I really can relate to the “alone” feeling, but although you feel alone now, you won´t be for much longer, your baby will be born and you will have someone who you will love and will you more than anything for all time.I know it´s easier said than done but try and find some solace in that. There´s no bigger love than a parent/child´s love.The fact of you being pregnant is probably making you feel more out of control, but those feeling are natural, everyone here has experienced and experiences the same rollercoaster ride.It´s a sh***, it feels like there´s nothing left out there for us, but those waves come and go, at first they work by the minute, then by the hours, then by days and then by weeks.When I feel overwhelmed, panicking and anxious, I sing and write, these have always been the things I love to the most. So when you feel like that, pause and focus on what´s the thing you like to do the most and do it, it will help to take the edge off for a while.A big hug and feel free to text me, if you need an outlet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted October 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2013 IMML -I am so very sorry for your feeling of isolation. I have times when I feel that way as well. You mentioned being an addict, and not knowing how to cope. I understand the temptation to use when you are looking for escape. I lost my husband to his addiction. He had been clean for 3 years, but got around the wrong people while he was grieving a loss in his family, and I guess thought he could get away with using "just one more time" to make himself feel better. It breaks my heart that he will now not get to see his children grow up because of that choice. I know he didn't think that one time was going to cost him his life, but I'm told that is a common scenario because non-use for an extended time changes the body's tolerance.I say all that to say this - please get some help if you are tempted to use. Especially with your pregnancy. Using will not really help you cope at all - that is a myth. In reality it will just make things worse. I understand that you want a break from the sadness and pain you are feeling, but that life you are carrying is special, and so are you. That is a piece of him that you will have. Do you have any family you can talk to? I'm sorry his family is not supporting you, but it sounds like you really need to find an outlet. A grief group, AA/NA, somewhere that you can go to talk to others and get some support.It sounds like you are struggling in many ways, but I do believe there are some answers for you somewhere. There are programs out there to help expectant mothers who do not have health care. Even if you are working. Perhaps go to your local health department. I know it's probably difficult to make yourself get out, but you need to seek out some help - it sounds like you really need a break.I know you feel alone, but you are not. Please message me if you need to talk, or go to the chat room in the evening. There are many here that want to help and support you in any way they can. Please take care of yourself! You and that baby are worth it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted October 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2013 I second what MissingDaniel says. Please please please...don't subject your unborn baby to drugs. That is not the way to handle this. It could do more harm than good.Thanks to our President there are all kinds of programs that you can get on. Check into Welfare, Medicaid, your local health department, whatever you have to do sweetheart. A lot of it can be done over the internet.Does your fiancés family know about the baby? I would think that they would support you in this being that it is their son's only child, conceived before his death.I am a recovering addict myself. If you ever need to talk here is my email address:jharrell1957@hughes.netI know how it feels to be so anguished, so confused, so scared that we automatically reach for something to numb those feelings. That is all you do though, the feelings never leave and you have to deal with them sometime.Take care sweetheart and please, be kind to that baby!!Judy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted October 25, 2013 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2013 IMML -Just checking in on you. I've been concerned and thinking about you. How are you? Would be glad to hear from you that you are ok.Andrea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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