Any advice is sought

[redfish99999]

Lost wife of 55 years after a failed brain surgery on Sep 26. Cremation then 'Celebration of Life' at the church on Oct. 6.... Brief research on topic tells me 1. Quit asking 'Why'....2. Be thankful for the 56 1/2 years together....3. Keep working on real, meaningful projects..... 4. Remember the past but accent the future.......... It's not working so good...... Any suggestions....

[redfish99999]

Lost wife of 55 years after a failed brain surgery on Sep 26. Cremation then 'Celebration of Life' at the church on Oct. 6.... Brief research on topic tells me 1. Quit asking 'Why'....2. Be thankful for the 56 1/2 years together....3. Keep working on real, meaningful projects..... 4. Remember the past but accent the future.......... It's not working so good...... Any suggestions....

[Austykatie]

I am very sorry for your loss. Asking why is a common question however never getting an answer is even more common! Hang in there! Hugs am sam

[needy]

Right now Redfish let yourself grieve.

1. In my opinion right now keep asking yourself "why", then if you can try to answer the question. If you can try doing it as often as you feel comfortable. You might be surprise how the question and answers change.

2. Yes be thankful for the 56 1/2 years, but again let yourself grieve

3. Working on anything for a break in grieving is great. I found it helped with the mental fog. Also even going for a short walk really helps.

4. Your future right now is today maybe tomorrow and that is all I would focus on.

Other members will be giving you wonderful advise as well. They really helped me. Best wishes to you.

[ModKonnie]

Redfish99999, At this point, just try to get through each day and take care of yourself. If you feel like crying--then cry. My parents were married for 54 years. When my father died, my mother went on a trip to Italy for a few weeks to try to pull herself together, continued her same routine for a year, and then gradually began to make some changes. I'm sure she had some pretty awful days, but that is when she leaned on us to help her get through. Do you have family to lean on for support? Don't be afraid to talk to your children, if you have them. They want to help. We can be here for support and encouragement. --ModKonnie

[widower2]

5. Don't think there's some particular way or "method" to grieving or that you "should" do or think this or that, blah blah etc as your Steps 1-4 seem to be trying to do. As MK said, just take a day at a time (a cliche maybe but so true for this of all things) and just let it be whatever it is. There is no set method, no timelines, no point of trying to compare yourself to others.

And don't be surprised if whatever you try doesn't seem to work. This takes a LOT of time to deal with. Best to you and hope this site can help you in some way.

[catz]

Just a few things ive learnt in the last 6 months

1. Dont expect logic. This is not a logical situation and logic wont help with emotions.

2. Just take each day, each hour as it comes.

3. Expect that you will sometimes feel you cannot do this......thats normal.

4. No matter how much it feels like it, you arent going crazy, youre just grieving

5. Youre not alone. We are all in this together how ever much we might rather we werent

6. You will have ups and downs, and your emotions will feel like theyre on the rollercoaster from hell. That too is nornal

7. Remember to take care of yourself....sleep, eat and make sure you drink enough fluids.

Lastly, you can do this...i know it doesnt seem like it now, but you can

take care, and im so sorry for your loss

[OldGeek]

Don't expect to be at a certain "stage" at a specific time, there is no schedule, everybody is different and there will be times of sliding backwards most likely. I barely remember the first month, it all sort of runs together as one long nightmare. Starting at about 3 months I started seeing a little sunshine, at 6 months the sky is only partly cloudy most days. As I said, everybody is different, I had a bit of a crash a few weeks ago and I'm sure there will be more. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, little baby steps even.

[obakesan]

I second the suggestions here. Its just past the year for me. Its easier in that now I'm familiar with it. But aside from that its no easier.

Years ago I did a survival course. The points in that were applicable. Don't think about further ahead than you can avoid. Summarise what you need if you don't have it (like milk or bread) get it. Wait a week before doing anything if your life or finances don't require instant action.

Don't think about tomorrow.

Don't be afraid to cry. Say what you have to. Feel what you wish to, not what everyone tells you. At the funeral I wanted to just fall in with her. But I had to be strong that day.

I don't know how I made it here so far. But I have.