Another Newbie...

[eternalcandle123]

Hi, I lost my daughter Olivia (Liv) a month before her 10th birthday, after she was in a horrific car/truck crash with my eldest daughter (then aged 11) and my son (then aged 7). The driver of the car they were in fell asleep at the wheel and hit a fuel tanker head on, both going 110kph on the freeway when they hit each other. All three of my (four) kids were in really bad shape but Olivia was the worst- as well as receiving extensive & life threatening injuries to her body, her massive brain injury meant she couldn't survive at all. Her life support was turned off on the morning after the crash.

Although its been more than 3 years since we lost her, it still feels so recent and raw. My eldest daughter and son were awake when they hit the truck and have horrible memories hounding them. We all struggle with flashbacks of what we went through that night, the next day (when we said goodbye to Liv) and the aftermath. I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about. We're trying to process Liv's passing, as well as the trauma we all went through.

It's hard to parent my PTSD/depression/grief/anxiety kids, when I have the same problems myself. My eldest daughter is now 15, my son is 11 and my youngest daughter (who wasn't in the crash) is 7. Each of them deal/don't deal with their feelings etc in different ways and I just feel like I'm letting them down all the time as I don't know how to help them, or I get so lost in my own grief I can't function at all.

I used to blog my feelings and that really helped me get through the first 2 years, but I don't have it in me right now. But I do want to talk to people who understand. We moved to a new state a year ago and I still don't have any friends here, because my PTSD and grief make it too hard for me to get to know other people, or for them get to know me.

So I'm here to connect with other parents who understand what I'm going through so we can support each other and I won't feel so alone xxxx

[Josh's_sister]

I am not a parent who lost children.. although I am a parent of 4. But I couldn't read your story and not extend a lift, a hug, a spirit of understanding loss. I lost both of my brothers in two years' time, but watching my parents needing to process this, I understand that your pain is of a different space than what I have experienced. What I have learned in loss and grief is that sharing it, lessens it. So, I take some of your pain, some of the burden. I lift you and your sweet babies in prayer and thoughts of healing. I know that the "loss of adult child" is the most active thread on here and they are very accepting of all parents, no matter their age. I hope you find connection and support here.

~Vanessa

[eternalcandle123]

Thanks Vanessa xx

[Dru]

Hi eternalcandle123, I have just read your post and I am so sad about your daughter Liv. Words are not enough I know, but I just want you to know that I understand and feel the pain of losing a precious child too. I lost my 31 year old daughter in the same year as your Liv . My Broni had Swine Flu and on the 16th day (the day the doctors finally said she was going to be ok ) she had a massive brain hemmorhage which they operated on but could do nothing to save my Bronis' life and we had to allow the Life Support to be turned off, from which she only lived for another few minutes. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do or will ever have to do, no parent should have to see their child go before them. Broni was a healthy person her whole life so it is hard to believe that she has gone just like that. That is the hardest thing for me to believe, I still expect her to come thru the door and say Hi mom, love you. It is the unreality of it, how can my full of life child be gone. I also suffered PTSD and had help for it, for which I am grateful, but no amount of help can ever ease the desperate feeling of loss. I feel so alone even though I have 2 older children, no one can take or ease that space in my heart that is Broni. I walk, I talk, I swim, I smile and I even laugh at times but it always feels so strange when I do because it does not relate to how I feel inside of me. I have been told it is time to move on but they cant tell me how. I am finding it so impossible to move on, how can I when a huge part of me has been ripped out of me, leaving me in a limbo of pain. Eternalcandle123 I live in W.A and come to this site occasionally to read but don't often write but will look out for you. My thoughts are with you. Dru

[Mommysangelisabella]

Hello olivas mom ,

I want to first start off by saying how sorry i am for your loss and for what you and your famiy are going threw. I personally lost my daughter just 1 1/2 months ago . My isabella was born into heaven. Even though i didnt get to spend as many years with my daughter i know the pain of loosing one. As someone else on here stated the loss of adult child thread is used by all here and we connect threw out the day . There are people there who hv lost children of all ages some like me before birth i was 7 1/2 months along when i was told by the doctors she had gone to heaven . Two days latter after induction i gave birth to a perfect angel. Come to find out her cord formed wrong and as she grew up she was no longer able to get enough food and oxygen . This i found out last week. Any ways there are others who hv lost young children and older children . I know jds mom comes on alot her son was hit by a car. So there are people on this site who would be more than happy to hear from you . Id love to learn about your oliva and your other chidren or just anything you wish to speak on . Sometimes i just read other days i post. But ive come quickly to call these people my family because they are truly the only ones that understand and i can say all that is needed where as at home im a single mom of 3 boys and 1 angel girl who is getting threw each day . 2 of my boys are special needs as well ( severe separation anxiety and adhd for one and the other has Aspergers) my boys are 9 , 7, and3. Plz post when you can with us id love to get to know you all and help if i can. My prayers are with you and all of your babies including your liv .

Take care,

Wendy