Some thoughts for new members here...

[Silvergirl61]

I'd like to say hello to you,and let you know that yes, we are real people here, and we have all lost someone dear in our lives, so we have that much in common already. Grief is something that affects us all in different ways, but there are some things that seem to appear more often than others in members here..and since there isn't always someone around to answer right away...I though maybe I'd try to leave a few thoughts here, for a starting point, just in case there is someone who comes here like I did, lost and confused, and not exactly sure what to do.

There is a chat room here, and it will show when there are people in it- but I have noticed that most of the time..there's no one there. But - sometimes , if you go in someone else will come, also looking for someone to talk to. When you come in..don't be shy..and don't worry about interrupting a conversation. just say hello..and then participate as you feel able to. If you are feeling really bad..and feel like no one is listening..please just say so..post "I need to talk to someone" , and don't be shy..remember although we are strangers now..friendships start with hello.

The only 'rules" to worry about are the basics- mutual respect.Anyone who has been here awhile, has always been kind to me- happy to try and help, if they can. There are times when a friendly listener is the greatest gift of all.

Sometimes, if you know a certain time of day is really hard for you..you can try posting a message here in the forums, and simply say " hey I'll stop by at this time..if you are able to come talk- I'd like some company"

If you facebook, there is a facebook page for this forum, and you may find connections to members there as well as ideas, and topics to discuss.

There's a private message option here at the top, too..click on the name of the member in any post, and you should see the option to leave a message..you can leave a message for another member any time, and when they sign on..they'll see it, and can answer.

For those in crisis, and by that I mean those who feel like they are going to just give up, and end their life..who need someone RIGHT NOW..there is a crisis line, not connected to this board..but always available: 800-273-TALK (8255)

I lost my husband a year ago- he had sudden heart failure a couple of days after his 48th birthday,during our "birthday" dinner celebration, and he died two days later, without ever regaining consciousness. I won't pretend about it..there are still some very black, very hard days..but over time..I'm learning ways to cope. At first I fell completely apart...but with some help from friends here, and some therapy..I am rebuilding a life, and learning to find a new way to live. No- nothing is the same..it can't be. But there is hope, and a future..something I didn't believe a short time ago. Take small steps as you're ready, and reach for a hand when you need it... the best advice I ever got, so I'm passing that one on, to you.

Losing someone that you love with all your heart is the most shattering and devastating thing there is to face. You can be strong one second..and then in pieces..days or even years later. There is no time limit..there is no right way or wrong way to feel.. you are the one who is grieving, and your feelings are your feelings. Sometimes, talking to someone else when you feel all alone is the best thing you can do for yourself..and that's what this place is all about- people who have experienced loss helping each other through it, by reaching out in friendship. Read the posts, start one of your own, and may you find the peace you need to get through the day.

We always welcome new members here, but like you..we wish that we had never had to apply for this group. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you find friends here.

Take care- Silver

[widower2]

SG, what a great post, props to you. I don't have much to add (how do you follow that?) - one thing I will say is browse the threads, even ones which might be older - you may be surprised how much you may find of people are thinking or feeling thing which you can very much relate to, ie are more common than you expected. And even if not, remember there is no "normal" about grieving; this is YOUR journey and does not need to follow any particular pattern. Don't worry about "the 5 stages" etc. Just know it's OK to feel whatever you feel.

And regarding chat, a few things I think worth pointing out:

- I think one of the biggest problems is if people see no one is in there, they don't go in either. Obviously if everyone does that, nothing will get going, so if you want to talk, pop in there and "hang out" for a bit and someone may be by. And you don't have to sit and stare at a blank screen; if you do other things on the internet or PC, you can see if someone says something at the bottom of the screen (indicated by a number in parentheses) and respond; just try to keep an eye on it (I admit I occasionally am bad about that, but try to watch it).

- On the other hand, if someone is in there and you go in and say hi, they might be away/not see you right away, so if you can, be patient and give them a few minutes at least - and SAY SOMETHING - if that window is minimized, they can't tell you're there unless you do. 'hi' is enough.

- The chat room is pretty sparse most of the time (this is not AOL), but there are typically a few people on about 10 PM EST (give or take) on weeknights, though this can vary.

[MissingDaniel]

I agree, Silver. Great idea to post this. I know, at least from my experience, that I will go through phases where I am here every day and responding to posts, and then sometimes there are things in my life that keep me away for a bit. So new members may come along and I may not even see those posts for a while. I know when I first started coming here, I was pretty desperate for someone to listen and some feedback from someone who could understand, and it probably would have made me feel even worse if much time had gone by without me hearing from someone. As it happens, people on here have been very responsive and friendly - but I would hate for anyone to feel discouraged because of some delay in other members responding.

And this last week or two has been one of those busy periods for me, where I haven't been around much. So I woudl like to welcome any new members as well, despite the fact that all of us wish we had ever had the need to join this group. This has been a fantastic resource for me at times when I really needed it, and I hope it will continue to serve that need for the newer members.

[patsyl]

What a great topic and so well said silvergirl

[I miss my love]

I am so lost and alone and severely depressed. ..I get flash backs and over whelming feeling off hopelessness and like theres no point in living. ..the pain is so so unbearable. .im 5 months pregnant with his baby and I cant do this...im so alone. Always alone...he wanted a baby so bad I had 2 miscarriages this year and now this one s finally coming like a miracle and he's gone. ..all I do is cry and cry and cry....

[I miss my love]

What does angel date mean?

[andysgirl]

Angel date is the date of your loss.

[Silvergirl61]

Since , once again, I see quite a few new faces, I thought i would bump this back up, just in case it will help any of you.

Yes, there are quite a few of us who have been here for some time now. We come back still, for advice , support , and to check in with those who are new to this journey..with the hopes we can help to ease some of the pain which we all have in common, in some small way, like those who went before us reached back to us..and still do.

You aren't alone anymore...you have us..and it's a start. Read through old posts, leave a message for another member...and feel free to post whatever you like, about how you feel or any questions you need an answer to. It may be that someone here will stop and have an experience similar, or some information they can share. You will find friends here...