Members Sole-Mate Posted September 25, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 25, 2013 I am now into my third year. The first was raw emotion; the second seemed like I was finding myself (alot of time for that after losing my job). I made a concerted effort to get rid of things in the house that I know would go bad or be useless to anyone if I kept them for "old times" sake. Cloths, personal items that others can use. It was good to think of them being used as I passed them along. There were times when I get in a fit and emotional about memories as I come across pictures or knick knacks of special interest. I do periodically get so damned frustrated at having to do everything myself. I can say with certainty that no one has "stuck" around and that means family, friends, relatives or even "good close" friends. So, when I say I am doing everything by myself, I mean everything where a helping hand will make my life a little bit easier. Most recently I took down a tree and absolutely no one helped me. Quite frankly, there is no one to ask that can be of any help anyway. Of course, in the past, Deb, would give me the hand that I needed, but I was getting so frustrated and tired and angry about being here without her. This happens from time to time when I realize the lonliness of it all. But, I do not brood about it too long. There are times in the course of 4 weeks that I do not actually engage another human being for lack of no one is around. The house is a project to keep and maintain at this point so it keeps me busy and when I do something I say that Deb would have liked it this way or that. I wonder if/when I move what will occupy my time. I do ask everyday to be removed from here as it would not make a difference one way or another. Then I get curious about the future and what it holds. It is an on again - off again notion. So, I guess the emotions are not running rampant, but there are times when they are in overdrive. I wonder if I just did a clean slate approach and moved and dumped the useless friends and family, if any, how that would work out. That is the feeling at this time, but it might be too drastic, but something has to change - being in limbo is not healthy. Something has to change...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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