Questions ???

[junglee queen]

I have some questions :

1- can this pain iam going through makes me love him less than before , or even worst makes me cease to love him , or hate him ? I really dont want that to happen is there a way to keep the love alive and celebrate it everyday to make it even stronger ?

2- Does he feel my pain . Does seeing us in pain really hurts them ?

3- my friends keep saying that i changed a lot , iam not anymore the girl he fell for , and i should be living and doing things on his behalf as if he is experiencing life through me ? Do they really experience life through us ?

4- these days i started to listen to hypnosis audios , i feel that being on meds helps me get hypnotized really fast , i almost listen to these audios twice or thrice a day , is getting hypnotized frequently harmful ?

5- i started reading lots of psychic books and articles about soul and life after death , i want to feel his presence , really feel him around , i have tried some methods but nothing worked so far . at least i want to see him in my dreams . Is there a way to accomplish this ?

6- My guy was a doctor , few years back i got harassed by a doctor , it was a bad experience and since then i stopped seeing doctors. whenever i used to get sick my guy would look after me, prescribe meds ..etc . I dont trust doctors i only trust one doctor and thats him . whenever i see doctors in hospitals , i remember him . It makes me very emotional . i remember him with his stethoscope and white coat running around. I cant go to hospitals anymore its very difficult and painful .

[Silvergirl61]

I read your post, and i wish i could answer those questions for you with authority, but i can only tell you what i believe to be true for my self, really, on some of the things you asked. The questions all seem to be rooted in the subjective realm of personal belief..and that's a hard one to speak on with any proof or authority. So I will simply share with you what I think or feel as one person who is going through some of this ,too.

I was terrified, that he would fade from my mind, or that i wouldn't be able to picture his face anymore, or that i would lose him even more than I already had...but it hasn't been like that, yet anyway. As time goes by, and the awful shock is lessening..I can recall him even more clearly than i could then, and happier moments come to mind , much more often. Do I feel less for him now? I don't think I do. When I look at his face in the photos, or see him in my mind..my heart feels the same..and i now think that the part of my heart that was his alone, will always belong to him. It's just the way it seems to be working out. I still love my dad, still remember him..after 36 years. It seems to me that as time goes by, if I recall things or times that I was annoyed or irritated or angry with my dennis..the feelings of anger in the situations have faded away. Things that would once annoy me, seem almost endearing now.. i wouldn't mind them as much..if only he were here now to annoy me! But that is my feeling in my situation. Only you can know how you feel..and in time you will find that answer for yourself.

Do i believe there is more than this..another realm of being another type of existence, an after-life? Yes... I absolutely do. Do they feel our sadness and pain? I don't know.. i suppose they know, but I hope they know more than we can here..and that the next existence is forever..and that they know that one day, the pain we have now will leave us for always..so that they do not hurt as we do..but maybe try to let us know in some way, that it will be ok. If there are signs from them.. I think they are ones that only you will be able to recognize..and they may not be spectacular, and easy to read, and easy to prove to anyone else..but you will know when you see them. To feel them I think you have to be able to reach a place where the pain of the loss isn't as sharp and as all consuming, so that you can feel the love and the spirit. If it was easy to look beyond and to communicate..these wouldn't be questions any more, and death wouldn't be as fearful and shattering as we see it now.

That isn't really an answer, but it's again, my belief, and you must search inside your heart , for what you feel and for your own faith to find that answer. Sometimes i find that when i stop trying to make sense of this, stop trying to force myself to feel or hear or see...then what i have been trying so hard to make happen..just does.

No one can go through a loss like this and remain the same. No one can go through life itself and not change..each new experience broadens your individual self, and opens your mind to new thoughts and ideas..and some things change you for all time...it's life. it's growth.and that's just the way it is. I have seen this in my family members, when a loss like this one has happened..some change occurs, and they are not the same..but it's not all a bad thing either. I have seen them become more patient and caring, and sometimes less fearful, more relaxed. I also have seen them become bitter and angry, and so unlike the person once knew...that they don't seem the same at all. I think traumatic and cataclysmic changes are inevitable in these cases...and much of it has to do with how you perceive and process the event or how little you try to accept and learn to move ahead into an unclear future.

Take time to examine your beliefs, and rest, and just think about what you believe. Reading is never something I would disagree with, because you need knowledge to learn and to grow.

I don't as a rule care much for doctors either. I don't go to one unless i have to..and then it's a 50/50 thing. I found out , when i am sick enough to need one..they aren't as frightening, and it isn't as bad as i think it will be. Again it's just my thoughts..and not really an answer.

As time goes by.. I have good and bad days. I find help here often, because there are so many ideas and always someone who will listen and answer..but this is such an intensely personal and frightening journey, people can only walk beside you, and share what they feel what helps them and care how you are, and tell you that you aren't alone so- be well, and may you find the answers you need, and some peace. Silver

[junglee queen]

Thank you Silver for your reply . Iam trying to decide what to believe in and what not to believe in . iam trying to imagine him as a spirit which is with me all the time . i try talking to him as if he is still walking with me or sitting next to me in the car . and then imagine a reply . when i was abroad for some time . i used to play a mind game ( what would he do if he was with me now) ? then i used to tell him if you were with me you would have done this and that ... i think this game is kind of helping me now in imagining what would he have done if he was around . Once i witnessed a beautiful sunrise from the plane . i wished if i could share that moment with him , i told him about it later . his reply was( i was there , iam always in your heart ) .