Members junglee queen Posted September 13, 2013 Members Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 Today i realized that i changed a lot . In the past i used to be more considering and i would be always afraid of hurting other feelings. Nowadays iam very blunt and i don't really care . i used to always be with so many friends , nowadays i only meet 3 of them and thats like once every 3 weeks . I lost 14 kgs till date , whenever i look at the mirror, the face i see doesn't look like my face anymore , i look much older and very dull . I used to be a person who is easy to please , now nothing really makes me happy . I just keep waiting for everyday to end . My guy has been a very foody person and a great cook, he could talk about food for hours whenever he used to get upset about something i used to start talking about a certain dish or a restaurant and he will soon forget whatever is upsetting him and he will start talking about food . I just have one meal a day just to be able to do whatever work i need to do . i go to restaurants we used to go to , i sit alone and stare at where we used to sit . i try to order the dishes he likes but its all tasteless for me now .I hate driving to the area where he used to live its very painful . there are roads i struggle to drive at because they are attached to certain memories .I had to leave to another country for a month before he passes away . He sent me the link of a song . its called( let her go) by passenger . i told him to not listen to such upsetting songs , now i keep playing the song again and again iam trying to find out if it had a message i didnt pay an attention to. Something indicates that this was going to happen . I hate the fact that he went without me . i want to be with him more than anything else . I used to be suicidal before and he made me promise him to never do it again . Sometimes when i feel that the pain is too unbearable , i think of breaking my promise . Iam just worried that he will be angry with me and that he wont meet me . So basically iam waiting to die and i keep imagining all kinds of scenarios that involve me dying on the same ICU bed .Its too painful..... sometimes i feel like leaving everything behind and going to some other country . Sometimes i think of how good would it be if i too end up in a bad car accident . at least if i dont die i would be in a coma for a while , a state in which i might really get to see him and have a good time with him . I feel so wrecked , damaged and dead from inside ......... I just want to be with my love . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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