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Sudden Death of Big Brother


MandyPandy

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I lost my older brother in January this year. He was at work on his morning break and he choked. He stood up for help but the piece of candy he was eating had become so lodged that the Heimlich could not get it free. He went into having a seizure and he died before the ambulance could make it back to the hospital. My brother grew up troubled, suffering from a mental illness that wasn't diagnosed until he was in his 20s. He was a bipolar, schizophrenic that spent alot of time by himself. He functioned very well, he went to work everyday and was able to manage a household by himself. He was laid off 4 years ago and he moved back in with my parents. My dad and brother have never been close, my dad was in the military so they didn't get much time together. My dad retired a year ago so my brother and him had been getting to spend alot of time together, going to dinner, going to shows, and just generally enjoying each other's company and planning on what to do over the summer.

His death is still a shock everyday. I still expect to see him walking up to the house with a Dollar General bag (it was his favorite store) and he'd stop everyday for a soda. I can't help to feel so terrible when I think about how scared he must of been when he started choking, how he needed help and though lots of wonderful people tried to save him, they just couldn't. My brother was only 34. I don't think you've ever experienced heartbreak until you have to see your parents burying their own child. I see the emptiness and the sadness in their eyes and it breaks my heart. When I close my eyes, I still picture him laying on the gurney at the hospital, he was so blue, and had so many bruises and bloody knuckles. He put up a such a fight but he just didn't win. I can't seem to get this out of my head.

I know my brother is in a much better place and I'm glad I was able to see the day he was baptized. He tried so hard and he struggled so much with all the medications he had to take but it felt like he was finally coming into his own and was really able to enjoy his life.

I never got to say goodbye, I never got to tell him that I loved him one last time. He was my "Joshy Posh".

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MandyPandy, I am very sorry about the loss of your brother. People who don't get to say goodbye in person often will find some measure of closure by writing a letter to their lost loved one. You can tell him everything you want him to know. Sometimes, people hold little ceremonies where they might burn a candle, play a favorite song of their beloved or place the letter at the burial site.

We just don't know why things happen when they do or why they happen to who they do--it's just something we learn to accept or deal with in time. It's never easy, but you have come to a good place to find support and encouragement. We will be here for you--ModKonnie

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I'm sorry for the sudden loss of your brother. I lost mine unexpectedly last year at 35. It took almost 7 months for us to get an autopsy report and that added to the pain.

I understand the feeling of not being able to say goodby and I wonder whether my brother knew what was happening or if he was in pain. He was .alone at the time and my mom found him. My brother suffered from depression and social anxiety, plus had a few complusive habits. But none of those were the cause

I try to find time when I go back to my mom's to stop by the cemetery. He's buried near my father and taking flowers to his grave gives me a sense of peace for a while. the first time I went back, there was a rainbow, which I felt was a sign. So find something you can do that brings you even a bit of peace.

I hope you can find peace and I'm happy to listen or help in anyway I can.

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

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My brother died four days ago, my mother and I found him after he overdosed the previous night. He was so purple and stiff, puke was all over his face, I can't stop picturing this. It hurts so much, he seemed so happy and was actually moving forward in his life for once. I don't know how to get over this but I'm hoping time will heal this pain, I just don't want to feel sad when I think of him anymore. The crying has slowed but the pain is still present, it hurts in my stomach. He was my big brother and I loved him so much, I don't mean to throw a pity party but honestly it's just what I feel like doing right now. Any advice? Does it get better? I see some of these posts were from a long time ago. Also, pain pills and my brothers lack of self-control led to his addiction to heroin, please please please support medical marijuana....

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