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it does get better

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it does get better...

The actual court date for the divorce to be finalized was set to be on our wedding anniversary. However, due to our agreements and nothing was being fought over, the judge signed off on it and it was finalized 2 days prior. neither of us wanted attorneys, so we just filled out several forms we printed from a website, and took the documents to the courthouse. being that we have a very young child (she's a toddler), we wanted to keep this as amicable as possible.

My wife first vocalized that she wanted a divorce the day after my birthday. Up to then, I didn't realize that our problems were that severe. I had assumed this was what all marriages went through, and we would get through it. I talked her out of it, and we decided to try a trial period. If things did not get better, she would proceed with the divorce.

In that time, i tried my best to do whatever it was I could do to attempt to change her mind. I would attempt to see if her feelings toward me had returned to loving ones, I even asked her on more than one occassion how she was feeling about me, if there was anything else I could do. Each time she said it was getting better, and that I was doing everything fine. However, on the day before father's day, she told me that she still wanted a divorce. To say I was devastated was an understatement.

I went through the darkest time of my life in between the time she told me this and until a little before the divorce was official. I moved from the home we shared into the new house we had just purchased. brand new home, built from scratch. It was perfect for a 3 person family (had room for 4 or 5 people). With only 1 person in the house, it was very empty. Nights were very hard. It was so quiet, so empty. I honestly didn't know if i could keep going. The only thing that kept me going was my daughter.

I still loved my wife, throughout this time, up to a point. the day came when i finally realized even if she asked, i could never take her back. She chose to leave once, she would do it again.

I was the type that felt marriage was for life. You meet that one person who just felt right, and then you grow old together. Divorce was not as common in my family as it was hers, so my outlook on marriage was slightly different from hers I believe.

I was very lonely, and didn't feel like doing much. I went through a very deep depression. I don't think anyone around me actually realized how bad it was. I only confided in one friend what i was going through, and she was extremely supportive throughout.

out of the blue one day I began chatting with an old acquaintence. I had known this woman for many years, a friend of a friend. I had always found her very attractive, both physically and personality wise. Admittedly, we had only met in social situations, and we would converse somewhat when we would see each other out and about, chat at random times on facebook, or when I happened to be at her place of work (she works in retail). I always had girlfriends and then a wife, so I was never in a position to flirt or show interest.

It started as a semi-flirting message on facebook – she stated in a post that one of the only things she wanted for her birthday (which was a few days prior) was a massage, to which I replied “hell, if a massage is what you want, I can give you that” -- but as we chatted, me at work in my cubicle, her at her job, things just really seemed to go well. She ended up inviting me over to her place to talk on the following Sunday. I wasn’t sure what to expect.

Sunday came and I was very nervous as I didn’t think we would have very much in common. However, as the night progressed, I was taken aback by how much we seemed to share, and how we just seemed to click. Nothing was forced, it all seemed so natural.

A few hours passed, and she mentioned that I had offered a massage to her. This is where the night took a turn that I wasn’t expecting. I hadn’t been with anyone physically in about 10 months – and that was with my wife between the time she first mentioned we were having problems and when she finally stated she was sure she wanted a divorce. I was very nervous, and was having an obvious “reaction” to giving her the massage. As I said, I had always found her very attractive, physically as well as personality wise. Add this to the fact that we seemed to click and hit it off. I then proceeded to give her the best massage I could muster under the circumstances.

Part of me was screaming to make a move, then other part of me was screaming to wait. And wait I did. I didn’t want her to interpret this as me just wanting a one night stand. She was and is a lady, and I was looking for more than just a one night romp. So, although the massage did go under the clothes and under her bra, it didn’t escalate any further that evening.

It was growing very late, and I had to work the next morning. So reluctantly, I bid her a goodnight. She did hug me very tightly as I was leaving. And I think we both agreed to meet up again tha following weekend. However, my mind was swimming with many thoughts.

I confessed to her in a text either the next day or the following that it was very hard for me to not make a move. That I wasn’t sure if she felt the same way, and I hope that this message wouldn’t push her away. I was fine with staying a friend, but if she was alos interested, I would like to pursue it further.

She said she could tell by the pressure I was applying during the massage that I was thinking about making a move. She then said it was fine and that we could talk about it this weekend.

Well, she came over to my place on that Saturday night and we have been together since.

I am happier now than I have been in a very long time. She is a wonderful woman.

I had thought that I would never find anyone who made me feel like my then wife did. Turns out, this new woman has awakened something in me I hadn’t felt in a long time.

I look back on the day I replied to her facebook post and am thankful I took a small chance. Had I not, none of this might have happened.

My ex-wife and I are still friends. And our friends and family have remarked that ours is the strangest divorce they’ve ever seen. Most people absolutely hate each other, but we do not. We just grew apart. I wish her nothing but happiness. And we would never put our child in a position to feel like she was either the reason for the divorce, or make her feel torn between 2 parents. We both love her more than anything in our worlds. We would never put her in a position to pick a favorite, or use her as some sort of pawn to hurt the other parent.

It does get better. Even though it may not seem like it, it does.

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Taurusmale1978, Thanks for sharing your positive story. It is always nice to hear happy endings, and it's good to know you and your ex worked out a solid friendship, especially for the sake of your daughter. We appreciate the encouragement.--ModKonnie

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Thanks for the encouraging path you've been on.

My divorce is going to finalization next month. We have been separated for years and our kids have gone well into their mid and late teens. My mother died on Christmas Eve. Our 20th wedding anniversary was the next day.

January therefore is my happy month. I'm pretty overwhelmed with trauma and have an addiction history on my side of the family.

Taking klonopin seems to help with panic disorder. I get stressed that some other straw will come to break the camels back.

I am grateful to hear that your life took a good turn after all.

Thanks for sharing.

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