Dreams--Strange, Bad

[cmissingj]

OK, I get it that bad and/or strange dreams are probably "normal" for those of us new to loss. I have been having some that are really getting to me.

My husband died March 1. Despite a long illness, he had a very peaceful death. Quiet, in his bed, with my arms around him--just as he wanted.

Since his death, I have been having dreams where he is dying again and again. In the dreams, he does not die like he did in real life. In every dream he dies in a different way. Mostly bad, violent, strange, or jarring manners. I really don't get why I would have dreams like that.

I have had other really strange dreams with him. We are getting remarried. He is floating around me while I am packing for a trip. Etc...

Have any of you experienced strange dreams? What about recurring death dreams?

[Error username not found]

yeah.. ive had some weird dreams.. but not reoccuring death dreams. i think it is normal. i mean.. who the hell knows whats really going on inside our heads. sometimes i feel like ugh i dont wanna think about that..but i dont even know what im thinking. peoples minds are crazy.

[susanbruce]

I've had upsetting dreams too.

Even before Bruce passed away, I would have vivid dreams that he had left me and wasn't sure if he wanted to come back to me or not.  Other times he had left me and no one would tell me where he was so that I could talk to him. I even had dreams that he had found someone else.

The dreams were so real that I would wake up very upset. Sometimes I would tell him about them. Like I'd go right from the bedroom to the kitchen where he would be reading the sports page and drinking his Diet Coke and tell him I had another dream. He'd tell me in a laughing way that I was crazy or that he wasn't going anywhere. He would say sometimes that it was all my insecurities coming out.

Then I kept having them afterwards. He had 'come back' and couldn't really decide if he wanted to come back to me or not.

But other times he has come to me in dreams and it's been nice. Two different times that I can remember right now. They were so real that when I woke up, I would say out loud - thank you Bruce for coming to me and then I would thank the Lord for letting him.

I have never dreamed about the day that he passed away.

Take care of yourself and try not to let the dreams upset  you too much.  Talk to someone about them who can help you.

Susan

 

 

[rainbowsky]

I too dream about my husband.  First time, he told me he was sorry but he was ready to go.  He has never told me he loves me in my dreams although it was the first thing he said every morning and the last thing at night.

 

I just wish I could dream that he is ok and still loves me.

 

Rainbow-Sky x

[sweetbabegirl]

My husband passed away May 12, 08 and even though its been a couple weeks, it feels like yesterday. I haven't been sleeping much, but usually dose off in his recliner. I too am waiting for some kind of sign from him. People say maybe I should sleep in bed, so I did last night and feel so crappy today.

Where's my sign???? I am told I am looking too hard for it, that it will come in time. I just want, and need to know he is OK and that he loves me.

Diana

[susanbruce]

Diana,

Be patient, he will come. You will know that it was him when you wake up because you'll feel diffently - you'll remember the dream. You will feel at peace but be anxious for the next one. They are wonderful.

Look for signs during the day that show you he's around. You'll know them when you see them.

Try to relax.

Susan

 

 

[sweetbabegirl]

Thank you for your comforting words. I don't think anyone can know what we are feeling inside until they are wearing our shoes. I try to explain to my kids how I am feeling, but its impossible to find the right words. I just know that my heart hurts.  I have always been told I am a strong person, but losing my true love has made me weak.

Take care and thank you again, talking DOES help!!!

Diana

[armaiti]

Diana, I think it takes time for them to learn how to come back and give us signs, or communicate to us in dreams.  My partner was sporadic the first month of so, then there was a ton of dreams, with him showing me many things.  It helps if you have some experience with dream recall or lucid dreaming too, I think it makes it easier for them.  They and we are learning how to reach each other across different worlds. 

[susanbruce]

I had to share this because all of us want to be reassured that our loves are with us in some way, some how.

My husband was/is a huge Lakers fan.

There is a song by the group Foreigner that's called I Want to know What Love is. Look up the words on the internet - cool, cool, cool.  For some reason today I was really listening and singing along with the song.

I see a car ahad of me that is flying one of those car flags. I was curious and wanted to know what it was.  A few seconds later, I was able to come along side the car and it was a LAKERS flag.

It took me another few seconds to put 2 and 2 together. Keep in mind the song is still going on the radio. He was letting me know he was there.

Just had to share. It makes my day.

Susan

 

 

[qubert]

I have not posted here in several months. Yesterday was the 5th month mark. I have had a few dreams. The first one came in a phone call it was Bruce he said he needed to tell me somthing ( I can' remember what that was) but he said he sees all!!!! Then last week I had another dream he said he could only stay for 3 days, that is the amount of time I was a our lake house were he died of a heart attack. I am going to prey that he comes again soon. It does seem to take a few months....before I started dreaming Other thing have happened but I believe those were from God

Susan

[karla2]

In the very early days, I had only one dream about my husband.  It bugged me a lot that I didn't have more.  Now that time has passed, I've had a couple more dreams.  Allen will be gone 14 weeks Saturday. 

I dreamed that I was in a group of our family, talking to everyone and I looked around and noticed that Allen was HERE!  He was actually here with me!  I had my arms around his waist and was hugging him so tight...he looked down at me and I said "you're really here!!"  He just smiled at me, no talking.  He put his chin on the top of my head and I could feel his scratchy whiskers on my scalp.  I was so excited an happy to see him.  I asked him "Can you stay and sleep by me tonite?"  I was looking in his face, and he just started to cry, and hugged me tight.  Then my dream was over.  My husband never cried openly..so I know that was his way of telling me that he missed me, and that he loved me.  These dreams are so important to me, this loss is the most incredible pain I have ever felt and I just don't know how to cope with it most of the time, but every new day comes..and I have to do the best I can to get through it.  I cry every day, I miss my husband so much, he was my everything,

[jeffsdanae]

[user=14283]susanbruce[/user] wrote:

I've had upsetting dreams too.

Even before Bruce passed away, I would have vivid dreams that he had left me and wasn't sure if he wanted to come back to me or not.  Other times he had left me and no one would tell me where he was so that I could talk to him. I even had dreams that he had found someone else.

.....

Then I kept having them afterwards. He had 'come back' and couldn't really decide if he wanted to come back to me or not.

But other times he has come to me in dreams and it's been nice. Two different times that I can remember right now. They were so real that when I woke up, I would say out loud - thank you Bruce for coming to me and then I would thank the Lord for letting him.....

Susan

Susan, I'm so stunned reading your post, because I had those dreams before my Jeff died too!!  Dreams where I felt really shaken by his choices, dreams that left me feeling really insecure... I spent the last few months before he died feeling a lot of fear that he was going to leave me and ever since his accident I have wondered if somehow it was because the universe was trying to prepare me for his departure but I misinterpreted the signs or something... that I took it as him making a decision to leave me, when I should have taken it as a warning that he was going to be taken from me...

I don't know, I'm just speculating.  The difference between us, though, is that I have yet to have any of these comforting "visitation" type dreams with him... all of my dreams of him have been figments of my own imagination, not anything 'real' from him, that I can tell...and they are almost always disturbing to me because I am always soooo happy to see him in my dreams and yet he always seems, I don't know, reserved somehow, reluctant to be there in a way??  and I ignore it in the dream because I am just so happy to see him and hug him, and then when I wake up it hits me that he was being weird, that he was holding back in the dream...

I wouldn't take those dreams away, though, because at least it's something, even if it's just my imagination... but it drives me crazy, because he DID pay a 'real' dream visit to his cousin (who has been hearing from the other side since she was five years old) and another WAKING visit to a friend of ours.. but none to me!!!  and none to his parents or his siblings... which we are all a bit confused by... none of us understand it... and it's all well and good to suggest that maybe it takes time to learn how to communicate with us, but it was only five days before he visited his cousin in her dream, and only three days after that when he spoke to our friend while she was wide awake... and then none of us have heard a single thing since then, and it's been over seven weeks...

and to be honest I've been getting so frustrated and even angry about it... I've been feeling rejected and abandoned and last night I just broke down crying so hard in grief that I nearly threw up again, it was almost as bad as it was the day he died...

I miss him so much and I long to see him again and talk to him and I am so grateful he visited his cousin and our friend, because they passed messages along to us that meant the world to me, but it isn't enough, and it bothers me every single day that I can't have a conversation with him and get answers to all my questions and it hurts so much that I will never hear him say I love you again... that hurts the most...

I didn't expect to write so much, that all came out in a flood... I'm just so bothered by this at this stage of my grief and I don't know how to get past it...

Danae

[missque]

i just saw this message board and thought i'd come write here... I've had many dreams about Jeremy. I truly belive that it is his way of comunicating with me. I've had all kinds of them where he tells me something or says something and as im explaing it to someone else i realze its soehting only they know. Last week i had a long dream and long story short- he kept telling me to tell Kayla (his god son's mom) to make sure she didnt forget his pocket square. i was telling her about it because the dream in general was really werid. It turns out only  afew days earlier Kayla was with her boyfriend and their groomsmen at the suit store and she was going on and on about how they needed pocket squares and that the man in the store had better not forget them. Jeremy was supposed to be in their wedding- and i believe this is one of his ways of telling them that he will be there no matter what.. all types of things like this happen to me. I've even woken up from dreams to feel a weight around my body as if its him snuggling with me i had another one soon after he died where he came back to our apt and was moving his stuff back in and i looked at him and said you cant move back in your not supposed to be here no one is supposed to see you and he replied with "im not going anywyere I;ll always be here" I really think that dreams are their way of coming to us and talking to us or telling us different things because we're in the most peaceful and relaxed state. i love my dreams i have with jeremy - until i waoke up.

[genevieve]

I was getting really upset because I couldn't feel Nick and  hadn't seen him in dreams; the only time I felt him was the second day after I learned he was gone, but it was more a feeling.

Then the other night, I dreamed we were in a hotel, and we were staying in adjoining rooms. We'd had a fight. Then I heard him knocking on my door, but I wouldn't answer it. A few moments later, I decided I was being stupid, and went outside and over to his door to knock on it (in the dream, it was about 4 am).

Then I woke up. Instead of being angry or frustrated, I felt calm; don't know why. maybe it's telling me I can contact him, but I'm not ready??? Don't know, but feel a little better, even though I still wish I could contact or be contacted. It's been almost 2 months and I miss him so much.

Genevieve

[Guest grievingperson]

It's been a while since I have posted on the site.  Just wanted to share some of my recent dream experiences. 

My journal entry for 6-15-08

He has visited me twice within the last week in my dreams.  This morning my alarm awoke me from a dream I was so upset I just wanted it to last.  I went to Target Pharmacy yesterday and felt like I handled much better than the past few visits.  In my dream I was standing at the Pharmacy counter when looked over my shoulder and saw someone walking towards me, I thought wow that looks like Lance, then I reminded myself that it couldn't be he was gone.  He looked at me and smiled he was so happy, and  he was very happy to see me!  He said hello mama (he used to call me that because the kids would when they were little) we just hugged and held on to each other he said I'll never be able to hold you again so he just squeezed me tight and then my stupid alarm woke me up.  I miss him so much, but I know that we will be together again in time.

Last Friday, the 4th of July marked 27 years ago that we went on our first date to watch the fireworks.  This time I had family over for a BBQ and watched fireworks from our front yard and lit a few of our own.  Lance was a kid at heart he always had fireworks on hand.  I looked up to the heavens through the smoke from our own fireworks display and saw a bright star twinkling that I was unable to locate later.  After everyone left I went into go to sleep a little after 11:00, had just dozed off when I awoke very suddenly I felt the sensation of someone rubbing my back.  I looked around and saw no one not even the dog.  It didn't scare me it was actually comforting.  Don't know if it was Lance comforting me or God or Both.  I feel his presence a lot.

I do remember having a lot of dreams in the past few years of being in an accident where we rolled our vehicle, it always scared me I'd wake up with my heart racing.  Maybe it was God letting me know that something like this was going to happen to Lance.  He died in an auto accident 6 1/2 months ago the SUV he was in rolled three times.  I had other dreams of him leaving me too.  Now that this has happened those dreams have all stopped. 

I just thank God for the visits that I have from Lance now.

I know that this is a little lengthy.  Just wanted to share.

Thanks

Denise