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How Do I Cope?


apeyton

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On April 7, 2013 my husband and I lost our son. He was stillborn. We had been trying for awhile and we were so happy when we found out that I was pregnant. It felt like our lives were coming together in the best way.

I woke up with a terrible pain in my stomach and we went to the ER. They said everything was fine, they had him on the monitor and I could hear his heart beating. Then, all of a sudden, it was gone.

It's been almost five months since we lost Anderson but I feel like I am getting worse. People have told me that it gets better and easier with time, but that is just not true. I feel worse today than I felt the day after it happened. I don't know how to function and I don't know how to be around people. I have become very short tempered and I tend to just stay home now. There are days that I don't even get out of bed because it hurts so bad. There are days when all I do is sit home and cry. Those days have been happening more and more often lately.

I have always considered myself to be a very strong person, who could handle just about anything, but I feel like I have reached my breaking point. I know that I need help, but I don't know how or where to get it. I don't know how to cope with this. I just feel so lost and alone.

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. I lost my 5 year old daughter in a drowning accident just over two years ago on July 6th 2011. The shock and loss were so terrible that first year and then it gives way to the despair of the finality of death. I have a neighbor who lost a baby at 22 weeks and she wasn't supported as much as I was after losing an older child. I've had to get used to the fact that people that haven't lost child just don't understand. However much we wish they would, they just won't unless they actually do lose a child or baby and we wouldn't wish this on our worst enemy! I've found that it helps to talk to others that understand. In my area (Minneapolis, MN) I know there are resources such as Compassionate Friends for people that have lost children of any age and there are groups that help support infant and pregnancy loss. You could do a search on the internet for resources in your area. If you are close at all to MN, or WI, there is a great resource here called Faith's Lodge. You can stay at a beautiful lodge with other families who have lost children or babies (they try to match weekends so you'd go with other people who had lost babies). It is very healing. Take care of yourself.

faithslodge.org

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. I lost my 5 year old daughter in a drowning accident just over two years ago on July 6th 2011. The shock and loss were so terrible that first year and then it gives way to the despair of the finality of death. I have a neighbor who lost a baby at 22 weeks and she wasn't supported as much as I was after losing an older child. I've had to get used to the fact that people that haven't lost child just don't understand. However much we wish they would, they just won't unless they actually do lose a child or baby and we wouldn't wish this on our worst enemy! I've found that it helps to talk to others that understand. In my area (Minneapolis, MN) I know there are resources such as Compassionate Friends for people that have lost children of any age and there are groups that help support infant and pregnancy loss. You could do a search on the internet for resources in your area. If you are close at all to MN, or WI, there is a great resource here called Faith's Lodge. You can stay at a beautiful lodge with other families who have lost children or babies (they try to match weekends so you'd go with other people who had lost babies). It is very healing. Take care of yourself.

faithslodge.org

We just found out about the Compassionate Friends. We haven't went to a meeting yet but that's because I just found it online a few days ago. My husband and I plan to attend the next meeting, but I am really skeptical about it. I don't know if it is going to help to hear that people are going through the same thing or if it going to make me feel worse. I am so sorry for your loss and reading your story, it absolutely broke my heart. That's why I am not sure if this group is going to be a good thing for me...

I very much appreciate you responding to my post. I was beginning to feel a bit lost in the crowd when I had seen that over 50 people viewed my post but none replied. So Thank you.

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