Jump to content

Advice assisting significant other through a loss


Karen.Lyn

Recommended Posts

  • Members
EastEndOpera

I almost feel guilty posting on this forum as I did not personally lose someone, but I'm at a loss. My significant other of 2.5 years just informed me his maternal grandmother died. He had a difficult upbringing, and was raised with his maternal grandparents and addict mother. They were not especially caring and there was a huge falling out where they metaphorically threw him (a child) under the bus in favor or his drug-addicted scum uncle. It was a rough upbringing, and, while he has issues he deals with today as an adult, he turned out nothing like his family. He is an honorable citizen, a hard-working man in both education and career, a wonderful partner, and an all-around good, kind, sweet man (try as he might to hide it!).

He received a bit of good news today in regard to a fun project, but not 20 minutes after he texted me the good news, he informed me that his maternal grandmother had died. He recently dealt with his mother being incarcerated (again) for substance abuse, and discovering that his maternal grandfather had molested his mentally handicapped female cousin for years (the man is still living). From what I can gather, he used to be rather close to that side of his family, so it stands to reason this death is a blow. He informed me that he has 'complicated feelings' about her, and so 'complicated feelings' towards her death and would not want company today.

I understand the need to grieve, but every time something like this happens (i.e. mother incarcerated & all the mess that that entails, discovering his grandfather's crime, and other incidents throughout the years), he shuts down like this. He'll still function in his day-to-day work and is still doing the fun project today (probably as a distraction), but I can't imagine it will be healthy for him to sit at home and brood. He tends to live in his own mind a lot, which is frustrating to me. I'm torn between accepting his request and just showing up & keeping him company for bit (not long, but just to be there for him).

I happened to be present when he received the news of his mother's admission to the ICU last year & he appreciated me keeping him silent company. I'm worried about him, and realize this post is more to do with my conflicting emotions than with his. Hence, I need advice ASAP please! It just kills me to leave someone I care about and love so much at a time like this. If we're to be a couple, shouldn't I be there to offer him support if he needs it? Not to force conversation, but just to sit & be with him. Please give me advice - my gut instinct is to see him after he gets off work/gym, to be with him. But, I realize he handles things differently than me (male/female, cultural, etc differences) & most other people I know. I'm conflicted and my heart is breaking for him and everything he's surely living through now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I think you're you're right to want to be with him and provide support. I know I feel better when I have someone to keep me company.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.