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I MISS YOU SO MUCH DAD! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


brian1220

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4 Years ago I was 14 and my mom had a brain aneurysm and has been in a nursing home since and would probably never walk or ever come home again. My dad took care of me and did hid best. I found out about a year ago that our house was in foreclosure and he hasn't been paying any bills. He always said that he would jump off a bridge but I always said dad come on don't say that stuff. I never thought of getting him help. Well on August 26, 2007 I was at my friends house all day and talked to my dad on the phone and he was going to drop some money off to me and he did. Now I don't know if he had suicide on his mind that day but he was happy and happy to see me. The last words he said to me right there was "Brian I Love You Dude." I still remember those words to this day. He called me later that night but for some reason I can't remember what he said to me. That night he went to a benefit with his girlfriend and from what I hear they got into a big fight and he left. Now I went home at about 1:15 am on the 26th that morning. I got dropped off by a friend and walked inside. When I walked inside I saw my dad lieing on the couch, I looked at him from a side angle out front and thought he got beat up. I went inside to look and there was my dad lying on the couch dead. He blew his head off with a m80. Yes to this day I still remember that horrible image that is still stuck in my  head. To this day I don't express my feelings but there is a lot of guilt and sadness in me. I don't show any expressions but I am still so sad that he is gone and miss him so much. Tomorrow May 12 is his birthday and its going to be a really hard day to get through. I really don't know what to do with my feelings but they are all building up inside of me. I still never went to his grave because I know I will be a total mess and won't be able to control myself. I am 17 and a senior at high school. My grades diffently dropped and I am having a hard time staying awake. I don't know what to do but I miss my dad so freaking much and its so sad. HAPPY 52 BIRTHDAY DAD!

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Brian, I am sorry what happened but you need to grieve his death.  I am sure your Dad knows how much you loved him and nothing you did cause this to happen.  It is normal that you miss him, please know that if you need someone to talk feel free to send me a note.

Karolyn

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robinann202

Brian,

I am so sorry to hear this.  You are so young, I'm sure your Dad is around you and is helping you along.  You need to grieve and mourn his death.  Sometimes things happen that shouldnt.  Sometimes things get very hard and people cant deal.  Alot of times people are out of their minds, dealing with too much pain.  I am praying for you brian, please get the help to get through this. It will never end but you will go on, and feel better.  Anytime you want to chat-let me know.  Robin

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