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How do you let go?


kay4ford

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How to you really deal with the death of your mom. I was 14 when my mom died. I told her the last time we spoke that i hated her and never wanted to see her again. I got my wish. It's been almost 14 years and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I had lots of reasons to be mean when i was younger but i know now that with 8 kids my mom tried her best with what she was giving and knew. i am a mom my oldest is almost 12. I know i must forgive before i can move on. but how? I was not raised like a lot of people. I was oldest built in baby sitter. I have had a lot of resentment. How do you let go?

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robinann202

can you explain just alittle more...Dealing with a death is hard....If you have a relationship that was good, close--It's so hard.  i need more to say anything more--robin

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perfectfan

time doesn't heal anything but gradually time does, slowly but surely, lessen the intensity of the pain.  it's never easy dealing with a loss of a parent.  just let nature takes it own course =)

 

 

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don't feel too bad about being mean to her. That's what kids do. I was the same, but I've been emailing my Mum via theCelestialMailroom and I feel much better. I didn't believe in the afterlife of any sort until she died, but now I hope it does exist, so I write to her regularly. I've apologised quite a few times, and I'm sure she's forgiven me.

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No matter what age you are, it must be an upsetting and terrible blow to know that your life has changed suddenly.  Everyone dies one day, it's just a matter of time.  My mum left 5 days before my 17th birthday and I swear my birthdays will never be the same ever again.

Like you, during my angry moments with my mum I'd curse and hoped that she's better off, dead.  Of which I truly remorse, sometimes I can't help but to think if only I hadn't say all these, all those "curses" wouldnt come true.  But that's not the case, I came to realise that once a person's time on the universe is up, he/she will have to leave this mortal world in pursuit of a better place in heaven.  Rather, that's what I chose to believe in.

You don't need to concere yourself to "move on" because subconsciously we've done so, unwillingly.  I think it's still alright to miss and mourn for the loss our dear mums, sometimes I wished I could stay in the past forever and I do relish in the memories I had with my mum, the photos taken, the places we've been to and doing the things she liked.

Cheers, you aren't alone! =)

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Hi Perfectfan,

Im pleasantly surprised 2 c ur from S'pore. Dat makes 2 of us! As u can c, most of d members here r from US or Australia. I hv yet 2 c another member from Asia.

My heart goes 2 u when I found out u r already motherless at a young age of 17. My mum passed away on 3rd jan dis yr n Im 24. Irregardless of wat age our moms left, d pain is stil excruciating. But we r made stronger by dat. It made me appreciate greatly d present times I have wif my family n frens cos I realise how fragile life is. D peron u love so so dearly can just leave like dat.

A fre jus shared wif me- Whenever u r in deep pain, u r closest 2 God.

Look forward 2 hearin from u.

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Hi vyenna,

You're right, regardless of what age you're in, it's still extremely painful to lose a parent.  But everyone dies, one day.  It's just a matter of time and when, and perhaps, how.

And I suppose ever since my mum's departure, I've changed yet remained unchanged alot, and for reasons untold I began to instill a nonochalant attitude in life, which sounds good to me.  Life's too short to be worrying and caring about the little trivial things that weren't of great signifiance in the first place.

Yup, and I do appreicate life even more now, and treasure my dad more =).

Still, I don't find delight interacting with people who are unaware of my past, only by interaction with my old friends and her friends I sense her presence much greater.

 

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jovianlight

There's all kinds of letting go. I never got the chance to say goodbye or let go of my dad because he died when I was nine. My mom kept me home and neither her, or my uncle who visited for a week or my brother ever talked about what happened. I didn't go to my dad's wake or the funeral mass or to the cemetary until he was burried in the ground.

Thirty-five to forty years after that I finally began to experience a thaw in my heart when my mom died in 1996. I made it a point of being home for the wake, the funeral mass and the interment at the cemetary. It has not been an easy trip and it has been frought with personal problems gallore. My brother and I barely talk to each other and he has turned to alcohol to deal with whatever pain he holds in. For me, my drug turned eventually to .

The other direct consequence of my inability to let go of all that happened in my past is that I am incapable of starting or even contemplating a relationship. I have worked on and off with counseling and unfortunately settled for mediocre jobs and many, many lonely days (I work nights).

I'm 52 years old now and my emotional life is still in a state of disarray and inner turmoil. One of the worst casualties of my inability to let go was a self-imposed exile from the Catholic Church for ten years. Within the past year I finally came back. I continue to work on inner life and talk with two close friends I have been able to allow in to get to know the real me. It's been a hard life; a lonely life; and very painful. Yet, even now 41 years after my dad died I still hurt and ache and since I started my oddessy of seeking the support I needed to mourn and finally let go, it's beginning to pay off.

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I feel like a failure in my social life now, ever since my mum's departure I'be grown inwardly shy.  I'm no longer interested in social gatherings, I will try to shun them as much as I can.  It has greatly affected my social interaction with peers in school as well, I don't know.

I feel like I'm sinking into depression.  I thought of seeking professional help but everyone around me thinks I'm strong and am coping well when apparently that's not the case.

I just want to be alone by myself, without the need to interact with others.  Introvert?  I guess so.

=/

Anyone feels the same way?

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don't worry perfectfan, after I'd lost my Dad, I lost a lot of social confidence too and hated being in groups or having to talk to people too much.  things that didn't bother me before were suddenly really hard work.  Although its really tough, I do think it helps to push yourself to be social at times. 

no matter whether people think you are coping or not, if you feel you are sinking into depression and need counselling, then it might be best for you to get it.  You are stong, you can get through this, but sometimes its good to ask for a little help. :)

M

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