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mybrother my friend


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My Oldest brother Ronnie committed suicide last year on November 25th . He was such a wonderful loving person. He would call me on my birthday every year and sing me happy Birthday. Well my birthday came last december and I got no call. and I never will again. I have posts on the suicide thread also. titled how do i forgive. but tonight I want to explain what a wonderful brother he was. My brothers and I were raised in foster care and had a very very hard childhood I was the youngest child and was in foster care from birth till I was 18. we were very blessed to get to finally when I was 7 to be placed in the same home. with wonderful people who brought us all back together. and we got to have something of a normal life for the next 7 years then my brother Ronnie moved out and then 1 Year later my other brother moved out then in 1 more year I moved out as well but thru it all we still had each other, and thru the years we stayed close and shared holidays and birthdays and raised our familys together. We never wanted our children to suffer the way we did. Then 5 years ago Ronnie severly hurt his back and had surgery he had titanium screws put in his back and then 2 years ago he reinjured his back and had gone thru a divorce and remarried and was having problems between his xwife and new wife, he told me he was depressed 2 days before he pulled the trigger we talked and I told him how much I loved him and needed him. he had said he wanted to just shoot the exwife ... I told him no his children would never forgive him. I never dreamt such a great man could choose to take his own life . I have learned what depression is in the last year. the pain and anxiety at times is hard to bare. I somedays walk around in a fog. but thanks to beyond indgo I have met some nice an caring people. This year I will not get that wonderfull loving call from the phone . But I know he is singing to me in heaven and there is a choir of angels singing along. I dont know when if ever I will get over his death. and somedays I am so angry at him , but tonight. I celebrate the brother who was so much more to me than a brother or a friend he was part of my soul. I love him no matter what my favorite memory was on my wedding day almost 3 years ago . its a picture of Ronnie on my wedding day dropping my cake and turning aroud to tell us he saved the knife.. we laughed so hard... I love you Ronald lee your the best brother ever............

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