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Sudden loss of a lifelong friend


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My friend "Bob" died of a brain stem stroke a few months ago, the same week my brother died (though I didn't know yet that my brother had died at the time). I'll call him Bob just in case his daughter were to read this.

My friend Bob was only in his 50s. As a child and even adult, I called he and his wife "mom and dad" -- even though they're not related to me in any way. We were just so close growing up and their daughter and I thought it was cute to call each other's parents "mom and dad."

He was healthy, in his 50s, but had a sudden brain stem stroke, lost conciousness, and died. I've been friends with him, his wife, and his adult daugther my whole life, apart from a few recent years when we kind of lost touch.

The daughter of the man (Bob) who died I was childhood friends with. I called her parents "mom and dad" even though they weren't related to me-- I saw this male friend (Bob) as a 2nd father figure. "Mom and Dad" (not related to me, but that's what I called Bob and his wife) would take me to lunch in college. I was friends with their daughter too, but it was very comforting to have a local "mom and dad" type figure when my actual family lived so far away.

Long story short, Bob's daugher (also my friend) got married and didn't include me in the wedding. The daughter and I had been lifelong best friends, though we weren't as close in college as we lived far apart. Even so, I was hurt and didn't feel like I could keep her as a friend in my life. We didn't have a falling out, just lost touch since I stopped trying to continue the friendship several years ago. She messaged a few times, but I kept the responses friendly but kind of short just because she had meant so much to me as a friend, but I didn't feel like I meant much to her as a friend. She didn't include me on big life milestones like her wedding, private bridal shower/bachelorette, etc. We were so close as kids-- played together half the week, I went to her grandma's house for vacation with her, we saw each other all of the time.

Last year, "mom and dad" (my late friend Bob and his wife) e-mailed me to see how I was doing, asked where I was living, said they hadn't seen in me a few years, missed me, come see them, etc.

I never went to see them last year, and they live in my city! I felt so bad after Bob died so suddenly this year.

I never got a chance to thank them for caring enough to come visit me, take me to lunch, etc. in college. I thanked them back then, but really, it meant so much to me and I never got to tell Bob this.

I e-mailed Bob's daugther saying what Bob meant to me and how sorry I was to hear of her loss.

I just can't believe "Bob" is gone. And so young and so sudden too.

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Ook I am so very sorry about your loss of your friend Bob. You are right--50 is young and healthy. I'm sure his family is in shock, too. Perhaps you can reach out to Bob's wife and write her a kind note telling her you are thinking about her and Bob. Include some happy memories of Bob, and I'm sure she would appreciate your thoughtfulness. We will be here to listen.--ModKonnie

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