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just can't get over losing my dad


roysgirl59

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roysgirl59

i am brand new to both this site and the cyber world as a whole. i've never posted anywhere. i lost my dad after a very long illness on july 11, 2004. i left my job of 12 years to devote myself entirely to his care as my mom has an anger and abuse problem, i knew i wanted to be there to see to his care. i witnessed so many difficult heartbreaking things that were happening to such a truly wonderful man (please dont ask why werent these things reported to authorities, my parents had been together over 50 years and he always had a loyalty to her that i have never quite understood). i think what i am having the most trouble with (beyond questioning myself as to not going against my dad and reporting my mom against his wishes) is there is nothing left. my 26 year old daughter never wants children, the rest of my family is gone, i had a breakdown after the loss of my dad and can barely get myself thru the day much less go back to work (also the dr has never released me so i can go back to work, he simply writes me scripts for antidepressants. please if anyone has any words of wisdom that i might be able to wrap my brain around and find some kind of strength in please reply.

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jackiewitter

roysgirl59,

my thoughts are certainly with you.   I wish that I could offer advice, but there just really isn't much that I can say.  Each situation is so unique and you deal with each day the best that you can.  If you allow yourself to torment over events from the past all you do is create more pain for yourself.  You cannot change what did or any actions that you did not take.  Perhaps any actions you may have taken could have made the events worse.  It's so hard to go back and try to recreate things.  But for some reason they tend to occupy your thoughts.  There are so many things that I wish I could go back and change, but I cannot.  There are days that I miss my family so much that's it is just devastating, but then there are days that I get to just sit and remember happier times and they are soften my heart, make me smile and the longing for them seems to take a back seat.  My mother died in early 2001, this will be my 8th Mothers day without here; sadder is that it's my birthday and she will not be here to call me and wish me happy birthday.  My father died in 2004 and my little brother died exactly 2 years and 1 day after my father's passing. Of these events, the most devastating was my littler brother.  We supported each other through our parents passing. 

I tried medication, but it did not really help me.  It softened the edges, but at the same time any good memories that I had seem to be fuzzy.  So I got off the meds and stopped going to my therapist.  She didn't understand anyway, not really.  Just offered alot of silly words that meant nothing.  My best support has been here.  I have found the ability to come here and just say how I feel, be it bad or good or indifferent, it seems to help.  Also when you are able to read other's that are experiencing much the same, it tends to give you back your sanity. 

I hope that you can find some days that will give you peaceful memories.  I am always here, so I would be happy to lend an ear if you wish.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

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Im certainly with your thoughts. Sad to know but the fact is to accept the truth that "We came alone, We go alone, We party here, oblivion of the place where we came from and where we go". Love your loneliness. You will be with yourself which is more than being in a big party.

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