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I miss her and never got to say I love her


phantoms shell

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phantoms shell

Monday July 22 my sister walk into her home and collapsed from a heart attack the last time we spoke was a year and seven months prior at my grandmothers funeral she hugged me for the last time. We haven't been on good terms for along time but id forgiven her. Now I fall to peace over little things that don't matter I can't keep going like this. Everytime I feel like I'm ready to move on I fall apart again .

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Phantoms shell, I am very sorry about the loss of your sister. Talking about your feelings, how guilty you feel, how lonely, angry, scared and every other emotion is the best way to deal with your loss. Another good way is to journal and write down your feelings. It is so tough when we lose someone before we can make amends, but it happens to many of us. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

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phantoms shell

Well I'm in that phase I feared most the "numb" phase I tell my self I'm ok but little pains fell good becouse its something

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I agree with you. The numb stage is not a pleasant one because I personally like to feel--whether it's intense horrible anguish, loneliness or elations, I don't feel alive if I'm not feeling. Dealing with horrible emotions is difficult at best, but we can do it. --ModKonnie

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phantoms shell

I find my self only being true when I'm alone at work and when I go out I put on a show I smile I laugh but its not real just don't want people to keep asking if I'm ok, how can I be my sister the one I grew up with, through the bad and good, is gone. I never really connected with my other siblings (two I never meet till I was twenty) and my little brother is just like my mother full of lies.

Even at the funeral they lied made me think Justin , tammys husband , sent back the flowers, I went out and bought flowers so she would have flowers from us. my brother said tammy asked him and his wife to be surrogates for her, I never believed that but to lie there I hate him for it. This was our lost goodbye and they soiled it with their lies.

I'm losing myself someday doing things I never would taking risks I know I shouldn't .

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