Jump to content

My boyfriend died by suicide a few weeks ago :(


maria86

Recommended Posts

  • Members

My boyfriend took his own life early July. I don't know what to do or how to cope. I'm 26 and have never really had to deal with loss. I still can't believe he's gone, just like that. He was the guy that had it all. He was successful, had a great career, had two adorable kids...He left me a suicide note. He also left a suicide note for his kids. My boyfriend was supposed to come over after work that night, but he never did. I was worried, but thought he might have been dealing with a kid emergency or a work crisis. I couldn't go to his house to check on him because I didn't know his gate code or have a key...I feel so guilty because I was the only one that could've saved him that night. I was the only one that knew he wasn't where he was supposed to be. It kills me that he didn't call me. He was found a couple of days later, after we filed a missing person's report with the policy -- way too late. In the note he left me, he said he loved me, but he also had to put his kids first. I don't understand how leaving your kids fatherless is "putting your kids first". I don't know if I will ever understand. I talked to a grief counselor last week. I have also been talking to a few friends and co-workers about it (my family lives in a different state). It all still feels so raw. How can someone get over this? I'm terrified that I will be scarred forever and never be able to trust another person again. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yes, losing a loved one is beyond hard to imagine. Losing one in this manner is even more difficult. I know...I have been there. First of all, you could not have known what was in his heart at that time. You are not responsible. Yes, it is normal to ask yourself what you could have done differently. Who among us would not do that? He clearly loved his family. Yes, he did. If not he would not have taken the time to write a message to them. He clearly felt trapped and if there was no way out. Having said that...it is done. This is not the time to point fingers,but to reflect upon the life of a man that you loved. You are not responsible. It is going to take a huge amount of time and energy on your part to cope with the shock and deal with it. I wish there was a way that I could offer solace to those that walk this path. I am here if you need to vent. Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

In the note he left me, he said he loved me, but he also had to put his kids first. I don't understand how leaving your kids fatherless is "putting your kids first".

Me either. It sounds like maybe he had more going on than you may know. I'm so sorry.
How can someone get over this? I'm terrified that I will be scarred forever and never be able to trust another person again.

I wouldn't say you really "get over" it, and in a way you are "scarred for life" ie you will never be exactly the same person you were. How can you be after this? But that does not mean you'll never be able to trust anyone ever again or be able to regroup to live your life either, esp as you have so much of it in front of you. I hope this site can help (if you haven't already, note there is a whole section here for people who have lost someone through suicide) so I hope you feel free to vent here any time and realize this will take a long time to work through. A grief counselor is a good start. Take care
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you so much for your comforting words, Kate and widower2. I find myself having good days and bad days, swinging between anger and guilt and sadness, but also peace and acceptance. On good days, I feel thankful that I was able to spend time with him and show him how much I loved him. In the letter he wrote me, he thanked me for loving him and said that, before me, he had never known what it was like to love and be loved unconditionally. I feel blessed and honored to have known his love. He was a great guy.

People tell me that it is done, the worst is over; now I have the rest of my life to look forward to, but it is also on me to try and minimize the damage (not the gravity) of what he has done -- because that is what he would want. One of the gifts that he has given me is, now I see with such painful clarity: life is short, life is fleeting -- we need to make something out of it, and show the people we love how much we love them. And for the ones that are gone too soon, all we can do now is honor and remember them by how they lived, not by how they passed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
brucealmighty

Hi m86,

I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. I hate when people try and relate, but I feel the same with my boyfriend's sudden death in a car accident, and I am 24. It was nine weeks ago, and we had a mini fight and he left for the night. I found out he made it to the location he was going, only to decide to turn around and go to a friend's. That's when he crashed. It is not your fault. I've been (and still do) dealing with that guilt of feeling 'what if I had just asked him to stay that night instead of getting in a fight and having him leave'? Anyway - for the first month or so you are dealing with arrangements and in SHOCK. You might not be able to process what really happened yet... I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you and his children. Keep posting on here, keep talking about him, and keep searching for the right counselor that can help you make sense of this...My heart goes out to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi m86,

I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. I hate when people try and relate, but I feel the same with my boyfriend's sudden death in a car accident, and I am 24. It was nine weeks ago, and we had a mini fight and he left for the night. I found out he made it to the location he was going, only to decide to turn around and go to a friend's. That's when he crashed. It is not your fault. I've been (and still do) dealing with that guilt of feeling 'what if I had just asked him to stay that night instead of getting in a fight and having him leave'? Anyway - for the first month or so you are dealing with arrangements and in SHOCK. You might not be able to process what really happened yet... I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you and his children. Keep posting on here, keep talking about him, and keep searching for the right counselor that can help you make sense of this...My heart goes out to you.

Hi brucealmighty,

I am so sorry about your boyfriend. There are no words to describe how tough it is coping with the sudden death of a loved one. You're right, I know I shouldn't feel guilty, same goes for you. You didn't know what was going to happen, you were just operating under what you knew at the time. It was out of your hands. Please don't blame yourself. Were you guys together for a long time? My boyfriend and I were together about 9 months...Whenever I think about what we had, I just break down crying. I listen to his voicemails, read his texts, smell his cologne, etc. I just miss him. I know he's gone and nothing I do will ever bring him back...It's just something you learn to live with, I guess. On the other hand, I also feel betrayed and cheated. We had talked about our future and our plans together -- and now all of that is gone...

If you need to talk, just message me anytime. *hug*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.