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Jac's Mom

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This is my first post. I lost my 26 year old daughter on May 27, 2013. Well, that was the date on the death certificate, but in my opinion she died on May 26. She was on life support for organ donation.

She left a 3 year old daughter who is now the only reason I have to keep going. I'm so grateful to have her. We can make it together.

I found that at first I was a crier. This surprised me because i NEVER cry. So for a month I cried about everything. Now I can see that I am starting to isolate. People are calling less. Life is moving on. I'm not. Well, I have to - for the baby. I put her in daycare 2 days a week because she is so social and I don't want her to just sit at home with me. She's also starting pre-school next month which will be 2 more days a week. I just feel guilty that I have my granddaughter, but not my daughter. This wasn't what I signed up for. I should be gone and she should be here taking care of her daughter.

Sometimes I feel sad, sometimes mad, sometimes guilty, most times I'm just tired.

Hope I can come here and post and read without feeling that I'm bothering family/friends who either think that I should be doing much better or worse by now. Seems that nothing I say or do is "proper".

Going to bed now. I hope that I can make some friends here.

Jane

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Jacs Mom - My heart to you as you navigate this awful road, one that you never thought you would be on. I lost my 29 year old daughter in 2010 from leukemia. Please come back and post on the Loss of an Adult Child thread of this website. You will find many friends who are walking with you.

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Hello Jane

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear daughter. I lost my 5 year-old daughter Charlotte in a drowning accident just over 2 years ago. Her best friend and little sister Julia was just 3 years old when she died and her baby brother was just 4 months old. I was also surprised to find that I was suddenly a crier and not a silent one. The sounds coming from me I have never heard before. I thought at one point, this must be what Grief, Sadness, Heartbreak, Loss, Loneliness, Fear, etc. sounds like. It is also very hard on my 3 year-old. She grieves for her sister as I'm sure your granddaughter grieves for her mommy. So I am sad for myself and so sad for my daughter who desperately misses her sister. I am grateful for my surviving children for I don't know if I would be here or in what state I would be without them. They keep me going and give me something to focus on. It is good though, that you send her to daycare a bit. You still need the time to cry for you.

I also started to isolate after Char died. I pushed my friends away because they weren't doing what I wanted them to do (even though I wasn't really sure what that was.) Then I realized that unless you have been through the loss of a child, you really, really don't and can't understand. I know I didn't understand before it happened to me, so why was I expecting my friends to understand? I found that getting out and socializing with anyone who was brave enough to talk to me, really helps. I also went to grief counseling which helps a lot. My husband and I go to Compassionate Friends meeting which helps because we get to be around others who understand! I find that makes me less mad at other people that don't understand because I know I am understood at least once a month. They have chapters all over the US so you can check them out online at compassionatefriends.org. There are also a lot of resources on their site.

Be good to yourself the best you can.

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Jane,

I like many on this forum do feel your pain. I am on this journey because of the loss of my beautiful 23 year old daughter leaving behind a 3 year old granddaughter. However, it will be 6 years since her death, on Aug. 19. I still feel some of those same feelings that you mentioned. However, it seems to be less often.

Please take care of yourself. Make sure you eat and get plenty of sleep and know that you are not alone. My prayers are with you!

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Jane, I'm fairly new here too. But my daughter has been gone for 2 years now. seems like a lot of caring people here. Would love to be your friend. Kira's mom

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Mommysangelisabella

The way i see it is there is no set time on mourning. Its been a week since my daughter became an angel . Its only been a few short months since your daughters passing and adding to your greif is teaching that beautiful grandaugter to do the same as well as keeping up after her. You hv the right to cry to scream to yell. Do it ! You hv the right to be sad and above all else you the right to be tierd not only from greif but that little girl whom im pretty sure has say her mamas eyes or nose maybe attitude that at every second brings joy of thoughts of your daughter fallowed by sadness, im reading alot that as time goes on it gets easier but the pain never goes away

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