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Death of my mother


Sidewindor

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I lost my mother on January 3rd this year. It has been especially difficult since I'm the one who found her dead. Since her death I have slipped into a deep depression. I see a therapist weekly and although it's very helpful I still feel lost in the pit of grief. My mother wasn't just a parent, but she was my very best friend. I've lived with her all my life, and spent most days with her. When she died the rest of my family were able to go home to their own families, whereas I could not. My mom was really my little 'family'. I find myself lonely now with no one to to talk to. I have no idea how to deal with her death since I'm going through it alone. I could really use any help you could offer.

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First off, I m sorry for your loss. With that said, the pain will come, as we all experience it in this life. One thing I have learned in my short journey, is to grieve. Let all your emotions go, cry, yell, what ever you need to do to release it. You need the time to grieve, and besides, you are going to whether you want to or not. But a key is to know when to stop. You need to stop the pain and sadness as it will become overwhelming. Allow yourself to stop, or consciously stop yourself and focus on something else to occupy your mind. You are doing the right thing by seeing a therapist. You may also want to seek out support groups in your area. The problem you are having is it seems that your mom was the center of your life, and without her you are now directionless. You will never fill the hole that was left by her death, but you can start to filter good thing into your life. If you don't you will find yourself in a state of despair. It is up to you what direction you want to take. Talk to your friends and family. Lean on anyone you can to help you make it through this. It is not easy, but you can do it, we all can do it, we have to. Try remembering the good times you had with your mom, then instead of sad tears, you will find yourself having happy tears. Talk to your mom, she isn't as far away as you might think. The next time you feel sad, she is probably there with her hand on your shoulder.

Hope some of this helps a little,

God Bless you,

Al

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sarasotasweetie

1960speak my mother died April 2nd of this year. My father died in 1980. I'm an only child & both of my parents were only children. I am in a similiar situation as you 1960. I have always lived with my mother, she was by best friend ever since I can remember. The last years have been difficult for me to leave the house at all since I needed to make sure she was ok all the time.

When she first died I experience guilt. I had taken a nap and she had a heart attack when I was sleeping. I still experience guilt and many other emotions.

I have been unable to go through her personal belongings and start cleaning out.

Right now I feel like I am in limbo. And I don't know how to climb out of the depressive world I have created.

Your not alone 1960speak. We all know that everyone grieves differently. Since you and I were so close to our mother's I have a gut feeling it's going to take us a much longer time to move on.

My game plan is to get this house cleaned out. Mom collected a lot. Sell the house and buy a new one. I think one of my problems is everywhere I look I see her. I believe if I get out of this house we built together will do a world of good for me.

I thought by know I would have been a lot better. But I think I am being too hard on myself. Right now I am just taking it a day at a time.

S

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Gambitjr is right - let the grief out. After losing my mom, who was also my best friend, and who I'd been living with for 10 years, all I seemed to do all day was cry. At first, it was several times a day, then once, then a day would go by without crying but as soon as I realized this I would be sunk into grief again.

It takes time. Don't rush it. People will tell you it's healthy to move on, but it's not healthy to force it, or move on before you're ready.

When you live with your mom and are best friends it compounds the loss, because you've lost so much more. My siblings have gone back to their lives, which are unchanged by our mother's death. My life by contrast is completely changed.

Loneliness can be a problem. My advice - get out an re-connect with friends, search your local community newpapers or website to find out things to do in the area. There's lots of free stuff too, I've found, so don't let money keep you from finding things to do. I even went to a de-cluttering workshop, just because it was free, and what a useful thing that turned out to be. Book clubs held by the local library usually let you join right away, or if that's not your thing, join a walking club, or even volunteer somewhere.

Often hospitals and funeral homes offer grief counselling. There you can actually talk with others in your position. A friend of mine's widowed dad even met his new partner in grief counselling, so you never know.

But most importantly, let your grief run its course. Don't bottle it up, don't deny it, don't rush it, or it will only come out somewhere else. You loved your mother in a way that can never be replaced, and to lose the immediacy of her presence is utterly heartbreaking. However, there will come a day when you can look back at the memories and feel a measure of happiness in them again. You will carry her in your heart as long as you live. Nothing can take that away. You will get through this.

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I am in the same boat as you. My mother was the most amazing person in my life. I lost her on April and I'm really just now getting hit full force with the grief. I wish that I had some motivating comments or words of wisdom but sadly I do not. Be certain that you are not alone in how you feel. There are others who are hurting just like you and it is something that we will all work to get through. Remember her for who she was and what she taught you and cherish the memories. Good luck.

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