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Daughter's wedding


rkh3

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It has been over a year since my wife passed and I thought I was doing pretty good, until recently. Our daughter is getting married 8/10 and the closer I get to that date the more I miss my wife. Aside from it being somewhat awkward, he still has a full compliment of parents, grandparents, etc, I'll be solo, no wife, no parents.......

My daughter came over to the house last weekend and showed me the "script" for the ceremony. Mid way they will light a candle for my wife and say a few words, very nice, about her, I couldn't get through the whole script I was crying so much. I am so happy for her and the wedding will be awesome, it should be, $$$$. I don't want to be a crying mess for my daughter's sake, and guests, so I fear I will be taking a few walks.

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I'm so sorry to hear this, but also glad that your life is moving on, and I find it very lovely that there will be words in the ceremony in your wife's memory. Go ahead and cry, and remember her for your good memories. You can do this. It will be hard, but you can do it for your daughter.

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Hey people cry at weddings, I agree cry if you need to cry. She knows that you're happy for her but also miss your wife as well. That is a really outstanding thing she's doing, props to her.

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I totally understand how you feel rkh3 seeing huge families all together. As far as saying a few words, just keep practicing what you are going to say. Let the emotions go, and I am soon you will be able to say the words without crying. You can do this and it is going to be beautiful.

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Oh God, I am not saying anything, the wedding "officiator" will.

I couldn't do it at her funeral and a year later I still couldn't.

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RKH3,

Sorry to hear of your wife. The only answer I feel that is on my mind is that you WILL be able to do this. You are the sole representative for your family and you can do this. Everyone understands what you are going through, espescially your daughter. She understands how hard it will be for you, but on the other hand, how special would it be to her that her father was about to "pony" up, and speak about his wife, her mother. Don't let the officiator say anything about your wife, you knew her, so no one is more qualified to speak about her but you. Do your wife justice and say a few words about her at her daughters wedding, and if you have to stop 50 times to cry, then do it. You will be honoring your wife, and your daughter will receive a gift from you she will remember the rest of her life.

God Bless,

Al

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not to be pushy, but i think that you should try to say something. I know that if i hadnt spoken at Alexs funeral i would have been so annoyed with myself. It was very important to me that people understood how much he meant to me, and how much light had left the world and how much i loved him.

Now im not saying you have to do it all. Certainly let the celebrant do the lions share, but its your wife, and your daughters mother, and no one knew her like you did. If you dont feel up to a speech and i understand you might not, even just "My wife would have been so proud today" or something like that. And if you want to cry then cry. Everyone will understand.

Honestly, im NOT pushing, i just think that if you dont say something, you might regret it.....if on the other hand youre sure you wont and are happy to have the celebrant do it then thats your choice too.....i hope the wedding goes well and all my best to you, your daughter and all concerned.

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This is my daughter's wedding, not a memorial service for my wife, nor an opportunity for me to work through my grief. If she felt it was appropriate for me to speak she would have asked, we have a very open relationship.

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mgilbertson

Dear rkh3,

I have to tell you my daughter just got married 7/6 and as it turned out, I did better than I thought I would. We were lucky that my husband was still alive in the early planning stages and he got to have a small part of the occasion. None the less we were missing him terribly. The wedding was held at a vineyard near the river and her dad teased her that he was bringing his fishing pole as he thought there were some good fishing ponds surrounding the area and thats what we did, brought his tackle box and pole and leaned it against the arch they stood under during the service. My son took his fathers place as in giving her away, giving a speech and the father/daughter dance. There certainly were some tears shed by many people and I had some moments where I had to take a walk but it turn out to be a beautiful and happy evening. So take some hankies and cry when you need to, but I know your going to have a lot of proud and happy moments also! I'll be thinking of you. ~ Marti

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This is my daughter's wedding, not a memorial service for my wife, nor an opportunity for me to work through my grief. If she felt it was appropriate for me to speak she would have asked, we have a very open relationship.

im sorry, i didnt mean to push, and youre quite right ofc. I think i misunderstood. i just meant that if you had wanted to, you shouldnt have let a fear of breaking down stop you. I hope your daughters wedding goes wonderfully, and i hope you can enjoy it too, even tho you will both be missing your wife.

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This is my daughter's wedding, not a memorial service for my wife, nor an opportunity for me to work through my grief. If she felt it was appropriate for me to speak she would have asked, we have a very open relationship.

Exactly. I think it sounds perfect the way it is. You're lucky to have such a great daughter. :)

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Yes, I certainly do, great son as well. He'll be moving out of the homested later this year, then it is just me and 10 rooms. It is such a great property, 1.25 acres, secluded, newer 2 car garage, just put in central a/c and did the landscaping over with irrigation. Though I'd like to move to CA I think I'll stay here a few years.

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