suddenly lost my dad and feel stuck and had big dreams

[melissal]

November 13, 2012 started off just like any other day got up by 8 am and headed off to college parents at work, got out of class for the day and went to work. As soon as I got off my mom started calling my cell phone and when I didn't answer she kept calling and started calling my work on my way out the door I finally answered the phone and she told me I needed to hurry up and get home because my daddy was in the hospital and we didn't know if he was ok. My mom came and picked up me up from work with my uncle and we drove the 3 hours or so to the hospital (the drive felt like a lifetime). We finally made it to the hospital where we had to wait for the doctor, the nurse finally came and got us from the waiting room and took us into what felt like a 6 by 6 cubicle and sat us there and we knew from there it wasn't good. Again it felt like we had been sitting here forever until the doctor finally came in and sat down across from us and took a deep breath and told us the news. My whole world had shattered right there in front of me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. for about a few weeks it seemed like it was a bad dream and I couldn't wake up from it. There isn't a day that goes on that i don't miss him or think about him. at this time i was only 19. i have my whole life ahead of me, college graduation, wedding, children, ect. and my dad wont be here to see all that. I have experienced my first thanksgiving, birthday, Christmas, new years, valentines day, mothers day, and fathers day, here we are approaching the 4th of july one of my dads favorite holidays its getting hard. its been almost 9 months since he passed way from a massive heart attack and i still feel stuck on that one day where everything stopped and has been moving in slow motion. i feel like i am not getting anywhere in school work and life. i feel like i cant move on, granted i don't want to ever forget him, i guess i just feel like if i move on ill forget him and all the good times we shared. i know its not gonna happen. it just flat out sucks!!!!!!! i had plans to tell my parents that week that i was thinking about joining the Navy or Airforce, i still kind of want to i just don't know how my mom will react i am afraid to talk to her and hurt her feelings. (Mom if your reading this i am sorry i just don't know how to say it to your face and im trying to build up the strength to tell you.) do these feelings ever go away????

[patsyl]

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS DON'T WORRY TO MUCH ABOUT ME I'm going to get through this and as I told you, you can talk to me about anything. I know things have been rough but I'm always here. LOVE YOU!!!

[gambitjr]

So sorry to hear of your loss. I will say this though. By the post below from your mom, you have what you need, you are blessed.

Al

[melissal]

I know I have nothing to worry about. and I know I am blessed. I am blessed by mom and my dad. yes I was heart broken but I have gotten through it for the most part I have my days and everyone around me can tell. I just honestly feel stuck in the same place like im not going anywhere...

[Dreamery]

I know the feeling too well. It's hard when you wake up in the morning and know its still true. I believe that we still exist after death. It's not a religious view but more that its a fact that we all have an energy. The energy never dies and I believe they have moved on somewhere. You can talk to me too if you need to speak to someone.im going through this too and it's so hard to comprehend it. Not being able to see someone and say stuff to them. But know that your father is there for you and you must always believe that.

[melissa13]

Melissa,

I know the feeling you are having. My dad passed away 2 days before I graduated college (I am 22) and I feel like I don't know what to do about my future now. I went to school to be a teacher, and it's hard to get teaching jobs in the state I live in, so I figured I may have to move to get a job. Fortunately for me, my fiance was offered a position in Virginia, which is a state with many available teaching jobs, so last year he moved there in anticipation that I could follow the next year. Then my dad died and everything changed. I now feel like a terrible person leaving my widowed mother at home alone while I move to Virginia. I feel like that makes me a horrible daughter to do that to her, and she's not making it terribly easy on me when she admits to me that she "is scared to live alone."

It is tearing me up inside to have to decide whether to stay with my mom or move to VA. Unfortunately, I need a stable job with benefits so that I can take care of myself you know? My school loans are going to start soon and I need to be able to pay them. I can't justify subbing because the income won't be enough so I know the right choice for me is moving, but I still can't get rid of that nagging feeling that I am abandoning my mom and being a horrible daughter.

[MDenise]

I lost my mom similarly. It was sudden, she collapsed, and we called 911, and paramedics came and worked on her and then took her to the hospital, and we went to the hospital and were informed of her passing. We were devastated. The cause of death was stated as "fluoxetine toxicity". I have felt some anger about her sudden death. I lost my sister a little over one year later, and then my dad over seven years after that, and since the two previous deaths I had been very close to my dad and had him for a while.

I hope it gets better for you, about the emotions.