Jump to content

Stuggling to cope


OldGeek

Recommended Posts

  • Members

On April 18, 2013, I lost my soul mate, Linda, unexpectedly. There was a 2 week time at hospital and hospice, but she was not conscious or responsive during that time and was not seriously ill prior to this happening. Linda was just 62. July 3rd will be our 27th wedding anniversary. I am 64 and still working, probably another 2 years at least.

I'm not sure why I joined here, or why I am telling strangers about my loss, perhaps because many friends and family seem to not want to talk about it any more. I understand that, and remember feeling the same when I was in their shoes.

It's very hard. I'm lonely and sad. During the week isn't so bad, but weekends are very tough. I have been keeping busy with outside home projects, deferred spring cleanup, etc. I have been working on getting rid of or hiding the daily reminders of Linda's presence in the house, which helps. Some things are hard, I just finally cleaned her things out of the master bathroom last weekend. Linda's friend cleaned her things out of the master bedroom closet early on, putting the stuff in totes in the guest bedroom. That guest closet was already crammed full of her clothes, and I will have to eventually deal with that but for now I'm OK with just keeping the door closed. I changed the master bedding to something less foo-foo and changed out the towels and rugs in the bathroom, rearranged the living room, etc. It all helps a little bit but her touch is till everywhere in this house.

Linda had no children, but helped me raise my 2 sons and our 4 grandchildren were very important to her. She was also very close to her family, and to my mother and several dear friends. She was much more of a people person than I am.

I have read a lot about grieving a spouse, I am in bereavement counseling and was already on anti-depressants but my doctor increased that dosage. I suppose I am coping pretty well, and it takes time (man, I get tired of hearing that), but I need to develop some new friends I think. Living in a small town (1200) limits my options, but I work in a bigger city (100,000).

Reading other posts here is helpful.

Bill

post-335323-0-19530600-1372609847_thumb.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

On April 18, 2013, I lost my soul mate, Linda, unexpectedly. There was a 2 week time at hospital and hospice, but she was not conscious or responsive during that time and was not seriously ill prior to this happening. Linda was just 62. July 3rd will be our 27th wedding anniversary. I am 64 and still working, probably another 2 years at least.

I'm not sure why I joined here, or why I am telling strangers about my loss, perhaps because many friends and family seem to not want to talk about it any more. I understand that, and remember feeling the same when I was in their shoes.

It's very hard. I'm lonely and sad. During the week isn't so bad, but weekends are very tough. I have been keeping busy with outside home projects, deferred spring cleanup, etc. I have been working on getting rid of or hiding the daily reminders of Linda's presence in the house, which helps. Some things are hard, I just finally cleaned her things out of the master bathroom last weekend. Linda's friend cleaned her things out of the master bedroom closet early on, putting the stuff in totes in the guest bedroom. That guest closet was already crammed full of her clothes, and I will have to eventually deal with that but for now I'm OK with just keeping the door closed. I changed the master bedding to something less foo-foo and changed out the towels and rugs in the bathroom, rearranged the living room, etc. It all helps a little bit but her touch is till everywhere in this house.

Linda had no children, but helped me raise my 2 sons and our 4 grandchildren were very important to her. She was also very close to her family, and to my mother and several dear friends. She was much more of a people person than I am.

I have read a lot about grieving a spouse, I am in bereavement counseling and was already on anti-depressants but my doctor increased that dosage. I suppose I am coping pretty well, and it takes time (man, I get tired of hearing that), but I need to develop some new friends I think. Living in a small town (1200) limits my options, but I work in a bigger city (100,000).

Reading other posts here is helpful.

Bill

Bill- I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and I can identify. I lost my husband of almost 30 years on Apr 28, suddenly and unexpectedly to a heart attack. It's an empty feeling here at the house, and at times, I feel like I just rattle around. It's a strange feeling of wanting to be busy, and also wanting to be still, and just withdraw from the world at large. I think it helps some to express these thoughts and feelings, to others who can identify. I wish I could just hibernate for a year, then come out, but I figure all the pain would still be there for me to deal with. It's a whole new world, being alone suddenly, after never having been alone in my life. I am glad you joined, and please visit frequently to share thoughts and what's going on in your life with the rest of us. Blessings to you, in this time of need.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Bill,

we might be strangers in the sense that none or most of us have every met, but we're all, as ive heard it said on here before, in the same boat and NO one, knows what this is like, in the way that another person going thru it does. We are all ages, stages of grief, sexes......as diverse a group as you can imagine....but all with that one unifying thing. loss. A loss so deep that it has made us all feel lost and adrift in our lives.

Please do come back, whenever youre feeling lonely or sad, or you cant handle it any more, when you feel like its too hard, when you feel like youre going crazy,,,,trust me, there will be someone here who will know just what youre going thru. Stay strong, take care of yourself, and be gentle on yourself thru this tough ride we're all on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hello Bill, My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time in your life! I sure know how you feel it is hard no matter how you try to rearrange things that feeling is still there. It has been almost a year now, to be exact next month on the 7th will be a year. I am not sure where the year went because it sure has not felt like it, to me it still feels like yesterday! I rearrange, gave away, stored things and nothing still here. I am like you Kenny's was not ill for a long time just about 2 weeks and they went to do a simple little procedure, not even 30 minutes long and when he came out of the surgery he had a massive heart attack and was down 45 minutes before they brought him back. So instead of them letting him go easily he laid in ICU for almost 2 weeks before he could be at peace. I miss him so much everywhere I go and look something reminds me of him. our kids are teenagers but to look at them and see their hurt is hard for me. I keep busy not that I want to, I have to. I work 2 jobs and raising kids(3 at home and 1 in college). I guess in away the 2 jobs help keep my mind busy but it still wonders a lot. So many whys and what ifs keep finding their way in. I do try to stay upbeat because the kids need it and Kenny would not want me to be down, easier said than done though. I am sorry if I am rambling on, I can tell you this site has and still is helping me so much more than I realized it would. Just reading other members post and posting thoughts to others that are in grief of loosing our love of our lives is a great help. Not that I wish this on anyone but sure helps to see what your feeling is as normal as it can be. I hope we all find a comfortable place within ourselves that our grief can be bearable(if that is even possible). If any way I can help anyone even if it is just to listen to rants please let me know. Love and Prayers, Diane I love this poem thought I would share

If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I would walk right up to Heaven, and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken, no time to say goodbye, you were gone before I knew, and only God knows why...

Our hearts still ache in sadness, and secret tears of sadness still flow. What it meant to lose you, no one will ever know.

But now I know, that you want us to cry over you no more. To remember the joyful times, life has so much more in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten, We pledge to you today. A hallowed place within our heart, is where you will always stay...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're doing as well as can be expected all things considered. Browse the threads here and feel free to rant/vent/etc any time. Everyone's journey is unique but we can relate to it generally in a way others who haven't been here can't........

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you for all of your support. It's nice to be around folks who understand.

Tomorrow is Linda's and my 27th wedding anniversary. The picture I added in my original post is from our wedding. We had both been married before and were both very busy with our careers so we took a long weekend and went to Vegas. Hardest thing I have done since the burial service is to watch the video of our wedding a few weeks ago. But, the look in her eyes as she listened to my vows then said hers, reminded me of how deep our love has been for so many years. I try to keep telling myself how lucky I am to have found my soul mate and had so many happy years with her. I can not even imagine what my life would have been like without her being in it, or will be.

My wife's sister, who lost her husband, told me that for her all the "firsts" were hard, but each helped her move on a little more. I'm hoping that proves to be the case for me also.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hello Bill, My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time in your life! I sure know how you feel it is hard no matter how you try to rearrange things that feeling is still there. It has been almost a year now, to be exact next month on the 7th will be a year. I am not sure where the year went because it sure has not felt like it, to me it still feels like yesterday! I rearrange, gave away, stored things and nothing still here. I am like you Kenny's was not ill for a long time just about 2 weeks and they went to do a simple little procedure, not even 30 minutes long and when he came out of the surgery he had a massive heart attack and was down 45 minutes before they brought him back. So instead of them letting him go easily he laid in ICU for almost 2 weeks before he could be at peace. I miss him so much everywhere I go and look something reminds me of him. our kids are teenagers but to look at them and see their hurt is hard for me. I keep busy not that I want to, I have to. I work 2 jobs and raising kids(3 at home and 1 in college). I guess in away the 2 jobs help keep my mind busy but it still wonders a lot. So many whys and what ifs keep finding their way in. I do try to stay upbeat because the kids need it and Kenny would not want me to be down, easier said than done though. I am sorry if I am rambling on, I can tell you this site has and still is helping me so much more than I realized it would. Just reading other members post and posting thoughts to others that are in grief of loosing our love of our lives is a great help. Not that I wish this on anyone but sure helps to see what your feeling is as normal as it can be. I hope we all find a comfortable place within ourselves that our grief can be bearable(if that is even possible). If any way I can help anyone even if it is just to listen to rants please let me know. Love and Prayers, Diane I love this poem thought I would share

If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I would walk right up to Heaven, and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken, no time to say goodbye, you were gone before I knew, and only God knows why...

Our hearts still ache in sadness, and secret tears of sadness still flow. What it meant to lose you, no one will ever know.

But now I know, that you want us to cry over you no more. To remember the joyful times, life has so much more in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten, We pledge to you today. A hallowed place within our heart, is where you will always stay...

Thank you for your kind words, and the wonderful poem. You do understand.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
MissingDaniel

Thanks, kendi, for sharing the poem. It really touched me this morning. Words I can relate to..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.