Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

ADC's, Visions & Dreams


cvaughan598

Recommended Posts

  • Members

ashleyraesmom,

My sincere condolences on the loss of your daughter. And to suicide yet...how very awful for you. I lost the best friend I ever had many years ago to what everyone suspected was suicide and I saw the devastating effect it had on her parents, siblings and son. There's nothing worse than losing a child anyway. Might I suggest you find a book on losing someone to suicide, as there are different issues that come up around this form of passing?

As for your questions, please read some of the accounts in this thread to find out how some loved ones communicate to us, what blocks that communication and what you may want to try to open that channel to receive messages. We've covered alot of ground here in a few short weeks and you may find some helpful advice in the postings.

As has been said here before, sometimes when you're too upset yet (it hasn't been very long for you yet) these messages can't come through too easily. However, she HAS been in your dreams, so maybe you could look at how you were feeling during those dreams to see if she was trying to tell you something? Every psychic I've ever heard has maintained that the spirit lives on, receives any help they might need to heal their past earthly life and experiences love like they never knew on earth. You could also try to find (do a search on Amazon.com) books covering not only ADC's but NDE's (near death experiences), like the ones by Dr. Raymond Moody and the one by the man (I've forgotten his name) Dr. Moody studied and wrote about, who'd been struck by lightning and survived. These should give you a very good idea of what it's like on the Other Side. (also good for those wondering if their loved ones heard and saw them at the time of their passings)

I certainly WOULD keep talking to your daughter as I truly believe they can and do hear us when it's important to us to be heard. I've had some experiences myself of receiving answers that were definitely not from my own head, that provided some loving, understanding, helpful perspectives (again, not ones I'd come up with myself, they were such new angles to me) on my painful feelings, that came from one of my loved ones. As I recall, it was a few months after the passing, so they may not come right away. For my Mother, it was only after more than a year that I had a 'visitation' dream, though I'd been begging for one much sooner than that. The good part about it was that I had taken all that time to revisit our relationship, her life, my life, etc. and had changed my heart about alot of things...and her visitation spoke directly to that change. It was well worth waiting for, as I now believe she's in charge of her life they way I would have like to have seen when she was alive (but she couldn't manage it then) AND she's not only forgiven me for what I think I did wrong, but is as grateful to me as I now am to her. She was also obviously much more peaceful than I'd ever seen her here. I talk to ALL of my 'lost' ones whenever I want. I should point out that my Mother had a very troubled life, for pretty much all of her 84 years, so if SHE is peaceful now, I would imagine your daughter wouldn't find it too difficult to find that, either.

As for seeing her again, her feelings about you, please read these postings, as much of that has been talked about here - we ALL want to have the same assurances, trust me! Please join us here for some very useful comfort and knowledge during your grief journey. One easy suggestion might be to think of things that are related to your daughter (things she liked, did, etc.) and see if anything relating to those shows up in your life. I think the most important thing is to stay as aware as you can, something that actually is sometimes enhanced by emotional rawness when you're grieving. That's just my theory and seems to work for me (not that I LIKE feeling that raw). Many things haunt many of us after loss, so you're not alone there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 1.1k
  • Created
  • Last Reply
  • Members
ashleyraesmom

Swede1,

Thank you so much! I am reading the posts here and am looking forward to learning more about how to tell if she is communicating with me, and how to communicate with her. I am very intuitive by nature and Ash and I were VERY close. I am the only one who isn't asking, the why, and all that. I feel so blessed to of had her at all. I just ache, and so do my two other children. I am nine months pregnant. I am saddened to do this without her. I had Ash very young, 16. We've been on our own since. I finished high school, college, etc. We literally grew up together. She was such a blessing and I am SO glad I got to be with her at all. I always actually told her that. That she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so glad I had the relationship I did with her. The relationship was certainly strained in the end, me being huge pregnant, and her being a teen was taking its toll on us both. She never did drugs, smoked a cigarette, had sex, nothing like that. She was so young and still such a baby. She still called me mommy. We fought her battle together, so I feel like I lost too, and maybe let her down. I look forward to seeing her, and talking to her. I can say understand her and understood her.

Your reply was very helpful, and I will post when and what I see happening. I look forward to the information here and once again thank you for your patience with my questions and your answers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Swede1,

We fought her battle together, so I feel like I lost too, and maybe let her down. .

Just a quick note: I think many of us feel like we let some or all of our loved ones down, even if circumstances differed, and I suspect it is we who need more reassurance and continued contact with them because of that - it's another form of unfinished business. And I feel very badly for you being pregnant while having to deal with grief at the same time. It's easier if nothing else of import is going on in your life when someone transitions, that's for sure. Glad you found something helpful and hope you find lots more here!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Ashleyraesmom,

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your daughter. Swede1 is right...keep posting your feelings here and talk about your feelings as we all have lost loved ones. You are dealing with two extremes, birth and death. Although, I feel we do not die but "pass on". Maybe your new baby will bring you messages or signs from your dear daughter. She is with you still. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now but we are all here to help you in any way we can. She has Eternal Life now and is totally at peace. God bless you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Songbird,

I just wanted to thank you for sharing the experience with the feathers. It has helped to confirm this contact with loved ones. I read somewhere on another site about someone who kept finding dimes and within the next couple of months I found about 7 dimes, they would be laying there by themselves in the open (one at a time). I don't have a connection on why my brother would send those but I wanted to believe it was him...I don't know if I just wanted to believe it and it was just loose change around or not. But yesterday, we went to the house where my brother lived and died, (it was very emotional because his girlfriend wouldn't let my mother or any of us even look at any of his possessions and she had moved out and we were hoping she left something of his behind), and my son found a dime just laying there. I told him it was from his uncle. I hope it was.

Thank you,

Laura

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Asleyraesmom,

Just want you to know that I care and am so sorry for your loss. I know the same feelings you have expressed such as wanting to feel my brother after he passed and not knowing if he was alright. I still pray for God to take care of him. And I think that from the things that I have learned from this board, and some of my experiences and others experiences that we can communicate with our loved ones.

Laura

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lauraanne,

Funny you should mention finding dimes. John Edward used to suggest that this was fairly common and to check the YEARS of any change found. Apparently, this often coincided with a year you'd associate with your loved one - like the year of passing, or whatever. Just thought I'd mention it, and I sincerely hope you find it DOES have meaning for you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lauraanne,

I have also heard about the coins, but haven't found any yet. I will be sure to look at the dates if I do find any. I would like to share something that happened to me today. I was out to brunch with a few girlfriends that I haven't seen in a while(2 since before my father's passing) We all have had a difficult year. My one friend has been ill, the other has had her mom sick with cancer and the other lost her grandfather last month. We were talking about my father and just at that moment a beautiful butterfly flew into the open door of the restaurant. It was the most colorful one I think I have seen since I was a child. We all just stopped talking and looked at it and eachother. My friend said it was a sign that life would be changing and there was hope for new and good things for all of us. I know that this is true. The feeling of peace that came over me at that moment I cannot describe, but I know that my father was there with us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Swede1,

Thanks, I had heard something about that too and looked at one of them but the date wasn't anything that made sense to me so maybe it IS just spare change! I just want the connection so bad. I won't totally rule it out though.

Laura

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Songbird,

That's wonderful about the butterfly! According to one of my dream/symbols books, butterflies can mean a few things:

light-heartedness and freedom; lack of ability to settle down or undertake a protracted task; represents the freed soul and immortality, w/o need for the soul to be trapped by the physical body!

When we buried our beloved cat, I had a whole series of signs, one right after the other...which was good because it was killing me to bury him and say goodbye to his body. First, it was a TOTALLY calm day (NOT the usual around here, believe me!). I had balloons to release in his name, and although filled with helium, I was worried they wouldn't release well because there wasn't even a puff of a breeze to whisk them upwards. But IMMEDIATELY upon releasing them there was only one, sudden little gust of wind that took them right up high! What's interesting, is that our furboy LOVED a good wind and would often go 'mental' running around in it, getting all kooky. I made note that the whole rest of the afternoon had NO MORE puffs of any wind whatsoever. It was, to my mind, a very deliberately-placed wind, just for that very particular moment. Then, right after we had finished putting his casket in the ground and covering it with the large rock we had bought, an ORANGE BUTTERFLY flitted all around his rock, staying a few minutes though we were standing right there. We didn't usually see orange ones where we live, so I knew it must be another sign. So I looked up the meaning of butterflies then found out "orange" can mean happiness and independance...so the two meanings together were complete blessings and I knew my Bud had spoken to me to let me know he'd been watching and he was not just fine, but free and happy. Did you say your butterfly was white? (I can't see your post as I'm writing here)If so, white can mean innocence, spiritual purity and wisdom. (if it wasn't white, I'll look up the proper colour after posting and let you know!)I hope this helps you feel better. Symbols and signs are all around us all the time, as they're reflections or mirrorings of our 'individual' lives (but we're all connected, too), so keep your senses open!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Songbird,

Okay, MY memory still sucks! I see it was multi-coloured! If you can remember all the colours, or if certain ones seemed more prominent,I can look them up if you like.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Songbird,

Okay, MY memory still sucks! I see it was multi-coloured! If you can remember all the colours, or if certain ones seemed more prominent,I can look them up if you like.

Swede1,

That was a beautiful story. From the posts I have read, I can see that your cat had a wonderful life here with you. I do hope that my father is free and happy now. That wasn't the case in his life. The colors where very bright orange, some yellow and white. There could have been more, but I did not notice them all. I can only say that it was so beautiful and it stopped all of us at that moment. It was also the timing at which it appeared that made it all the more meaningful. I miss my dad so much that knowing(and feeling)that he is around me, gives me some sort of peace.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
staynfreeusa03
Swede1,

We fought her battle together, so I feel like I lost too, and maybe let her down. .

Just a quick note: I think many of us feel like we let some or all of our loved ones down, even if circumstances differed, and I suspect it is we who need more reassurance and continued contact with them because of that - it's another form of unfinished business. And I feel very badly for you being pregnant while having to deal with grief at the same time. It's easier if nothing else of import is going on in your life when someone transitions, that's for sure. Glad you found something helpful and hope you find lots more here!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
staynfreeusa03
Swede1,

We fought her battle together, so I feel like I lost too, and maybe let her down. .

Just a quick note: I think many of us feel like we let some or all of our loved ones down, even if circumstances differed, and I suspect it is we who need more reassurance and continued contact with them because of that - it's another form of unfinished business. And I feel very badly for you being pregnant while having to deal with grief at the same time. It's easier if nothing else of import is going on in your life when someone transitions, that's for sure. Glad you found something helpful and hope you find lots more here!

I lost my aunt whom I was very close with while I was pregnant. It was very hard, but I was eventually able to understand she lived a full life and that it was her time. I love her and I will miss her very much.

One year ago July 4, 2004 I lost the love of my life. He was only 43 years old. I have not been able to move on, and hate myself, for several reasons.

I love him so much there are no words to describe. I feel guilty, sad, angry etc.. I keep fooling myself in saying he's okay now and that everything is alright, but it is not how I truly feel. I have unanswered questions, why did this have to happen? Will I ever see him again? (another form?) We will never know until it is our time. I am not religious, but feel there is a higher power. I look to seek comfort and peace through this. But it is not working.

I have read some of your stories and I understand how you must feel. Maybe not completely because we are all different but I can relate.

SG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
staynfreeusa03

I don't know why my response was under the other username. I am sorry about that. I mentioned about my loss of my best freind whom I loved for over 10 years. I lost him on July 4, 2004. I had one or two dreams that seemed real, but I can't say for sure. I can't seem to get past it. I want so badly to believe he is alright and at peace, but how does anyone know. We won't know until it is our time to go. I have been having a very hard time with it.

I hope you all find peace somehow, for that is what I am going to try to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Reading the posts about coins, I have found pennies especially when my husband and I are with our surviving son (he lives in another state). I think my experience this weekend though was my daughter's doing. In Sept 2002 we traveled to NYC to see her since she lived on Long Island and took a Circle Line tour around Manhatten. The tour guide was excellent and unforgetable. We moved east for my husband's job in June of 2003. My daughter died 10/13/03 in an MVA. My sister came to visit us this weekend and we went to NYC to take the Circle Line tour to show her Manhatten. The tour guide was the same one when we went with our daughter. He told us he had been called in at the last minute because someone had called out sick. I'm sure my daughter had something to do with this so I would know she is with me. Peace to all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
I want so badly to believe he is alright and at peace, but how does anyone know. We won't know until it is our time to go. I have been having a very hard time with it.

.

Dear Staynfreeusa,

Have you read the posting about the NDE under the forum "Loss of a Parent (Mother and Father)", thread "Special Events, Anniversaries and Other Dates"? It might help some. No, we don't know for sure unless we've either had one of these kinds of experiences, or some form of enlightenment or 'knowing', but ADC's can help strengthen such beliefs because with them, or NDE's, one can come away with just the FEELING that it is true, it IS true....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
seekingsolace

Hi Everyone.

Welcome to Staynfreeusa03, Julsmom, Ashleyraesmom and Yarsa0513. I hope you find something helpful in our postings here : ) [Rather than be redundant and introduce myself and my particulars, please feel free to refer to my 6.6.05 posting.]

Lauraa & Swede1 ... Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. I've been gone for the past few days and my dog is still requiring a good amount of care although she's on the mend.

I have replied to people individually below. Because this posting [once again] is rather lengthy, if you wish to skip right to your entry, note that I have placed them in alpha order today by username.

_________________________

Ashleyraesmom [see 7.9.05]: You can trust in your connection with your daughter. And the life that is coming. Know that, even though you are not yet "feeling" her, you are not alone ...Ashley Rae is indeed with you. To answer your questions ..Yes ..She CAN hear you. You had said you have been talking to her all day. Keep following your wisdom in this regard. You have been doing what is natural and that makes sense in lieu of the fact that she can hear you.

You had also asked if someone dies via suicide, is their soul troubled? No it's NOT. When she crossed, she would have immediately been in a state of loving connection again with a Higher Power and all that is [that is saying "all that is in existence"]. When you are in this state, you feel loved and welcome and complete. You are no longer in pain.

Her life would have been reviewed by herself and others but without judgement. Her suicide would have been noted but without judgement. Things are very different on the Other Side. Judgement does NOT exist there. It's only an earth construct [and, in my {humble} opinion, it's a complete waste of time ...Anything that isn't loving is just a waste of time}.

Do you have any sense [ie. gut feeling] that she is not doing ok right now? If so ...please tell me more and let's sort that out.

She is NOT angry with you. It's impossible over there. It's just impossible. It's like saying that you would be angry if you were completely immersed in a swimming pool of love. It's impossible. When a person crosses to the Other Side, they have the ability to see the "big picture" of everything. That includes a perspective on you and on herself unlike what she had on earth. She becomes part of infinite compassion ..not just through some logical process but by breathing it. It's par for the course there.

I know you are concerned about her communicating with you. Just ask her to. You need to give your permission for her to do so. And then open your heart to receive her again. It would only be your own emotions that are standing in the way of that. If you feel like anything needs forgiving ..then please just forgive yourself. That will allow you to feel her again. OK?

You had also wondered if you will see her again/be together? Yes. You will. And you can feel her now too. A lot of logistics around the "how" have been covered in earlier postings. Have a look and then just feel free to ask away if there are things that haven't been covered for you.

_________________________________

Julsmom [see 7.12.05]: I definitely think your daughter had something to do with the same tour guide being present for the Circle Line tour. Doesn't sound like much of a coincidence to me. Has she made other contact as well?

____________________

Lauraa [see 7.6.05]: I had a sense that you had experienced "Oneness" with your husband. Please read my posting of today to Swede1 [scroll down below ..in alpha order] for more on "Oneness", how it is ultimately located within you and what can make you more aware of it.

I know you feel like the love with your husband has been snatched away because his body is no longer physically with you. Do know though that the love is still there. He IS with you. Only you know how hard it is for you right now without him physically by your side ...I won't even begin to suggest how you feel. But do know that the love you share with each other is real and is still being shared. That will never change.

You had asked why living on the earth is so hard. I think it's because we have forgotten who we are ...[our essential nature of "Oneness"]. Instead of feeling connected, we feel separate. It is in direct opposition to how we have been made. Any time any person does anything that is "against their grain", doesn't it cause them pain of some sort? That explains earth pain for me. And when they do something that is "true to them" ...aren't they happy? When we live in accordance with the nature of "Oneness", earth pain becomes a figment of the past. Easier said than done ...I know!

You had also wondered if we need to experience pain in order to know the joy when we "pass on" to the Other Side. No we don't. Pain is familiar to us here on Earth but it is NOT necessary. The earth will one day be like the Other Side ...There is no need for the pain of separation at all. We can be in physical body and fully experience an interconnected oneness with each other ...It just hasn't happened much yet.

You had asked why your husband would have had to suffer so profoundly so young and to such a wonderful man. I would need to know more about his life to comment more on this. I certainly don't think that he, or anyone else, deserves this. I have found that often it is people of great light that get whomped by things that are not of light. There are ways to avoid this and deal with this but it is not uncommon to get blind-sided by it before you know what hit you. This is something I am still in the process of a learning curve around myself right now. My teachers on the Other Side [big Kahuna et al : )] have not covered that topic in great depth for me just yet. I do know absolutely though that suffering is NOT from God.

You had asked if the Big Kahuna [aka God] gives me answers to questions like these. Yes. I DO get answers from him when I ask. But I usually don't ask directly ...I mainly receive information and pass it on to others. I have noted that perhaps I should take a more active role with BK in "asking". There is a definite 2 way conversation going on but usually it's me asking for clarification on something that has been presented to me.

I have a hard time juggling linear "time" in terms of making time to just "sit" with him. I do take my own advice about "sitting" though but boy can life distract as well. My nervous system is wired in such a way that, even when I am busy with other things [ie. other than sitting in stillness], information is still "sent" to me which I "receive", take note of, etc ...Sort of like having a radio station turned on. You are doing the house cleaning, but you still hear the music/talk radio. When I sit to pay attention fully though, and have someone document the information that comes in, BK et al have my full attention and much is accomplished then. I also get a lot of information "downloaded" in "memory files" that I can access at any time. Long story and sounds funky I realize. It would to me as well if it weren't happening to me [correction ...even to me it's funky].

You had asked what I think really helps people heal from their losses. I think it's ultimately about "feeling", really "feeling" their loved one's presence. It helps to connect them to the person [on a practical level]. Ultimately what heals everything for people is "feeling" the state of "Oneness" that exists inside each one of them. Do know that what I am about to say is not about something religious but rather about something soulful/about innate composition ...It's about connecting with the fact that ALL of us are connected. Not one of us is alone. Separation causes a lot of pain. It's one thing to "get" this in "theory", it's another thing to "feel" it experientially. My goal is to help as many people as I can "feel" it. That, I believe, will help them heal.

As you said Lauraa, you are intuitive. Trust in that. It WILL come. The messages from your people have already come. You are on a learning curve. This is part of the process. Just keep working at it and it will happen. I have told you I am working on something to help as well. I realize that everyone here needs concrete, practical guidance ..not just theory. I will keep you posted when I have something more solid ready for you.

_____________________

Lauranne [see 7.10.05]. The dimes do sound like it was your brother. I think he confirmed that for you when yet another dime appeared but this time it was in his house. That was very clear. I think he sent the dimes to you because either: a) dimes have some significance to him that you haven't yet sorted out [ie. either the #10, what is on the face of a dime, an experience that the 2 of you once had with a dime] or B) he heard that you had heard that dimes were a method of contact so he chose this to get your attention.

Re your 7.8.05 posting: Thank-you for your kind words : ) You had mentioned that you aren't really sure of what you can put in front of you to still your mind. The reading you mentioned sounds like it stills your mind but, in terms of Other Side communication, it might also be distracting you with something else so making a contact difficult [sort of like if you were to read when someone is trying to talk to you ...They don't really have your full attention].

The idea of holding a picture of your brother out in front of you might be an idea but you had concerns about tears. Tears are OK. This "brother time" exercise is not about doing it perfectly, it is just about allowing 1-5min/day for him as a window of opportunity in contacting you. It is ok just to sit and have a busy mind as well ..but just sit. Talk to him ...then stop to listen and look around ...Then talk to him again ...then pause [try eyes open, eyes closed for the listening part to see what comes]. If your mind is not "still" that's ok ...Just still your body for that brief time and that's an amazing start. It's like having a visitor ...Wouldn't you sit with them to chat? If you were running around the room, then they probably wouldn't be able to chat with you.

______________________

Songbird [see 7.11.05, 7.10.05]: What an incredible sign from your father : ) A beautiful butterfly ...And everyone took notice.

_____________________

Staynfreeusa03 [see 7.12.05]: Have you heard from the love of your life at all [aside from the dreams]? I find that people on the Other Side do contact us but we just miss the signs or doubt them [sort of like you are doing with those dreams you mentioned]. Do you think it would help you at all to hear from him? If so ...can you outline what you have tried in that regard so far? And, if you don't think that would help, can you share with us what you believe would help ...even if just a little bit?

You said you had questions: why did this happen? Will you ever see him again? I can't answer the first [because I don't know enough about his life] but I can answer the 2nd [see my 6.6.05 posting for more about me and why I would say something so seemingly ridiculous as "yes ..I can answer that"]. Yes ..you WILL see him again ...fully and completely. And in a form that you can recognize and FEEL ...Just like here on Earth but yet so much better. You will be able to feel his thoughts, his feelings and feel him physically [i have explained this in earlier postings so I won't be redundant ...If you have trouble finding them let me know and I'll provide a date reference ..I just need to hunt around a bit myself].

As far as our need for continued contact [was this you that said this or were you quoting Swede1 ..I couldn't tell by the display], your idea about feeling like we've let them down could be part of it ...true. Or it could be as simple as ...We have the same need for contact when they are here on the earth ...No man is an island [i know ..cliche!]. We are beings that are connected innately. It is our true state of being. So yes ...we desire ongoing connection. It is natural. Disconnection is unnatural. I could be wrong but that has been my experience of what I have been shown from the Other Side.

_________________

Swede1 [see 7.11.05]: You had mentioned a dream/symbols book 7.11.05 ..Can I ask which book that was? I would like to check it out.

Furboy was busy, busy with signs! Wow : ) The puff of wind, the orange butterfly : )

Re your 7.6.05 posting. You had said that you felt that Furboy was the generator of "Oneness" for you and wondered if you would be able to repeat that feeling without him. Yes you can. Each of us is our own generator of "Oneness" ...It just might feel like you don't have that ability within you but you do. It is already a state deep inside of you. It is the reality of who you are ...who all of us are ...but we have forgotten that. That part of us gets covered up with layers of "stuff", "noise", etc ...and we simply forget. It's like a beautiful diamond that is buried underneath mounds of quilts.

Some people and experiences are like a catalyst that makes us more aware of our "Oneness". Usually these things/people reflect the purity [ie. pure love] of "Oneness" and that jogs our memory momentarily. It's like they are holding up a mirror that helps us remember something that is a part of our nature.

Now for your question about "perfect imperfection". You had said that if our Creator is perfect, then why the illusions? I don't have a definitive answer for you on that but may I suggest that we both ponder the following [it just came to me from somewhere] ...Who said that the illusions were produced from the Creator anyways?

_________________

Yarsa0513/Sandi [see 7.9.05]: your father knows that you were by his side at the end. YES. When a person goes into a coma, they are fully aware of who is in the room and what is going on around them. He is still with you now. Have you felt him at all since your 7.9.05 posting? Have you been speaking to him at all? Have you let him know that you are ok with him contacting you?

________________

Blessings to all of you : )

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Seekingsolace,

It's so nice to hear from you again and I'm VERY glad that your furbaby is still more stable - I was worried that that's why you were absent for awhile. Thank-you for answering more questions from the lot of us; I know we're keeping you pretty busy here! You help provide the reassurances we're all longing for and I appreciate all your efforts to restore us to the Wholeness we've forgotten.

Yes, my Bud was/is a busy AND persistent guy! He's sent me his age about 5 more times just this week! He DOES know when I'm thinking hard about him, bless his furry, little heart! I did try once, at bedtime, before his sister joined me for sleep, to recreate/reexperience that feeling of union with him (by trying to recall just how it felt when he'd hunker down to let me spoon him at bedtime), but so far I only got, I think, the start of the feeling and couldn't seem to go any further. When my furgal jumped up to take HER spoony place, I lost it. Try, try again, I guess.

For the imperfect perfection question: Actually, what I meant was that it is we, the 'children' of the Creator, who have supposedly made these illusions for ourselves, not that our Creator did. What puzzles me is that if our Creator is perfect and we are created the same (perfect, in our Creator's image), how could something perfect have fooled Itself into making illusions and forgetting its perfection? In other words, how could perfection have made such a mistake, or ANY mistake? Wouldn't that make it IMperfect? Or is our understanding of the word "perfect" just plain wrong? Does this make it any clearer to you?

The 2 books I have are "The Dreamer's Dictionary" by Lady Stearn Robinson, and "10,000 Dreams Interpreted" by Pamela Ball. Note: Pamela Ball takes the position that dreams and symbols even in the waking world are interchangeable, so her definitions cover BOTH realms. I often use each of them this way, although some of the definitions don't jibe between the two books, so I go with the one that FEELS more right for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Staynfreeusa03,

For your butterfly sign:

Orange = essentially a cheeful, uplifting colour with associated qualities of happiness and independence.

Yellow = closest to daylight; connected with the emotional self, thinking, detachment and judgement.

White = all colours contained within it; innocence,spiritual purity and wisdom.

Don't forget, the colours may or may not be the important part of the sign and only you can determine this. I think the fact that you were elated with the butterfly's presence is a most telling point, plus the general meaning of butterflies.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Seeking Solace,

Thank you very much. You give me comfort and confidence. I will keep trying. I have asked my brother that if he can't come to me for some reason to come to our mother. And then I told him that I don't know what he CAN do, so if he could actually cause a certain person to visit me concerning him, (someone who should have come after he died but didn't), to cause them to come and visit me. I gave him a choice of 3 different people but one in particular. I guess we will see.

Love and blessings,

Laura

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
ashleyraesmom

Seeking Solace,

I found your words to myself and others very comforting.

In my dreams Ashley is troubled sometimes, but in those she is alive still. However in the dreams where she is passed, she is fine. We kind of live as we would normally sometimes too in my dreams. Really normal stuff, like going to the store, etc. I am looking at my life too, and hers, like I died as well, and I have many retributions I want to make to her and myself. I never meant any harm I was young and careless sometimes. I apologized to her in life, and I do in heath as well. But my love for her was nothing less than the greatest love I've ever known. It is all I want is for her to know I truly loved her, all of her, I just got scared sometimes. She was so very much like me. I wanted better for her.

I have a lot of nightmares. This is my own thing I think though.

In all of it, I most appreciated being her mom, no matter the outcome I am thankful to her. I told her that alive, I hope now she's passed she REALLY knows I meant it.

I thank you for responding and your wisdoms.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
ashleyraesmom

Lauraa, Laura Anne, Swede1,

Thank you so much! I don't get a chance to get on a computer everyday. So I apologize for the days between postings.

The baby is near, really near. It is bittersweet. I keep myself calm and it makes me aware of my physical body and to take care of it, sleep, eat, drinking water, etc. Ash was excited about this baby. She had such a "way" about her. An old soul is how most would describe her. She always told me, this baby was meant to be. I was a little confused when I got pregnant. NO, very confused. She smiled in this way she did, and would sometimes touch me out of the blue, my having never said a word of my troubled thoughts, my questions, and just tell me it was going to be okay. Just out of the blue she would. And now here I am one month after her passing, and on the verge of giving birth to this baby. I always said that this baby reminded me of her, the peaceful nature I feel from him, the aura is so soft, like Ashley's was when I was pregnant with her. My son Alex, and my other daughter Shelby, they were BRIGHTLY colored children, is the best way to describe how I felt pregnant with them, lit up and full of energy. Bursting to get out basically, and just all over the place. This baby and Ash, were so peaceful. Soft colors, Ash was pink and blue and lavendar pastels. This baby is yellow and green, and blue pastels. They are careful in their movements, gentle inside. I am very curious to see this little guy and meet this little man. I feel I already know him. Sounds odd, but I do.

Thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Staynfreeusa03 and Swede1,

I just wanted to share with you something my son told me. The other day he was on the baseball field playing a game and he plays outfield where sometimes they don't get much action...and he said a butterfly flew so close to his face that it's wing brushed his cheek! This is my son who found the dime in my brother's house and heard the noises at night also. I think that even though he didn't have a chance to be very close to his uncle that he is very sensitive to the signs or contacts?

I keep forgetting to ask him what color it was!

Laura

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Ashleyraesmom,

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of getting ready for your new bundle of joy. I am praying for you and am proud of you. You have a very good way of looking at this and although I know that it is still very hard for you...you are doing exactly what a good mother should do. Ashley was lucky to have a mom like you. Take care and keep us posted.

Laura

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
noidofmyown

I know I don't reply that often, but I'm still here, reading all your posts at least twice a week.

Seekingsolace: once again, we are all so grateful for your wisdom. I have a hard time relaxing to allow communication. This is something I am working on. I am very thankful for all the signs I have already been given, and am working on my human self to relax. I think part of my stress is that I am going back home to visit my family --- the first time since my father died last year.

Lauraanne: I do believe your son is getting signs. I have come to discover that children seem to be more "receptive" to these things. Maybe because they just experience things and accept without questioning? (does that make sense, seekingsolace?) My own children have received signs -- and now my younger daughter told me she saw my father on the long trainride home after he died, while I was getting her breakfast. She said she didn't want me to cry, so she didn't tell me. She also saw him in a dream in a white room with her hamster who died while we were visiting my dad. Yes, your son is getting signs!

staynfreeusa03: Yes, I KNOW we go on after this life. I asked this question after my mom died, and boy, did I get an answer. I find others on this site to be quite helpful.

ashleyraesmom: my prayers are with you. Your connection with your baby must be a source of great comfort to you. None of my 3 girls are what I would consider "old souls", however, I understand what you are saying, as I have encountered many in my life ( I work with young children).

swede1: I never thanked you for your info on the Course in Miracles. After reading your post, I was able to sit outside on my deck and just listen to the birds and relax for the first time in a long time! I have bookmarked their website on my computer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Noidofmyown,

Nice to hear from you again! You're most welcome for the Course info - glad something about it helped. Just as we have pieces of our grief stories that make up the bigger picture of our sorrow, I think all the snippets we receive from others who are sharing afterwards make up the bigger picture of our gradual healing.

Speaking of young children being so naturally receptive to ADC's (and many other, other-worldly beings), that reminded me of when my second budgie died when I was in my teens. I used to come home from school, open the door and call out with a chirp and an "I'm home!" to my pal, and he'd chirp back right away. After he passed, I couldn't get out of the habit (of 8 years' time) and called out everytime (then it would kill me as I realized my mistake). One time shortly afterwards, I SWORE I heard his replying chirp and RUSHED into the kitchen, thinking a miracle had occurred. Naturally, my pal and his cage weren't there....but I checked every darn room upstairs, just in case...it had sounded so REAL, so convincing. So even though I wasn't a YOUNG child anymore, I guess that was the first ADC I ever had, that I remember. Thanks for helping me to recall that, as now I know my ADC's did indeed begin with the creatures who have always been so near and dear to the core of my being - no wonder they come through much easier than humans, in my personal case. And yes, I've read many accounts of children who regularily see and hear crossed over people. Even our neighbour's daughter has always had quite an ability this way, which has carried on into her 20's, as her mother has never discounted it in her. I'm actually kind of surprised I wasn't more like this myself, as I'm very intuitive.....so now I'm just JEALOUS!! (but I LOVE hearing about other people's ADC's as well! It keeps my hope up!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
noidofmyown

swede1

Just thought I'd let you know, it's been an interesting weeknd. Friday night, I found myself needing an answer to a question I had. Before falling asleep, I asked both my mother and father and other deceased relatives for guidance and answers. I had several dreams which, although were not what I would consider vivid or a true ADC, answered my question. When I got up Sat am., I began my day with the previous post. When I finished typing, my 10 year old called me into her room because her (4th!) hamster was bleeding out of her rectum.(apparently, she's been feeding them sandwiches---no more pets for her until she can adhere to their dietary restrictions.) Jamie was a long haired white hamster. Although hamsters aren't supposed to be bathed in water, I knew her hamster was going to die (it died last night). So I gently bathed the lower half of her hamster, drying it with a towel and my hands for body warmth. When she was about halfway dried, I used my fingers to comb through her hair. In that state of half-wet, I immediately was reminded of my father's hair before he died.His hair had whitened to a yellowish white over the years. I knew her hamster would die, but was comforted with the reminder of my father's hair.We're doing okay--- she had a few neighbors for the burial today.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm so happy.. i closed my eyes last night to go to sleep and was right on the cusp of falling asleep....for the first time in almost a month... i saw my father's face. i was so upset that I couldn't do that.. had to look at a picture. It was such a nice way to fall asleep :)

Sandi

I love you Dad 6/23/2005

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
junecleaver42

Hi everyone, i stumbled on this site while searching for ways to cope with a sudden death of your spouse at a young age. My name is Carol, my husband Ed died of a brain aneurism on Fathers day of this year at 8am in my arms. Ed was 46 years old, I am 42 years old, our children are 24, 22, 19 and 17. We have two dogs also. Right now i am very sad and having a hard time. I am trying to be strong for my kids but it is so hard, emotionally and physically. I miss him so much!! We all miss him so much! The first week he was gone, I was sleeping on the couch because he died in our bed. My youngest son would sleep on the other couch with me (until he couldnt take my snoring anymore, apparently i sound like a mack truck) the strange thing is....when i would go into the bedroom to get my pj's on, the armoir doors would be open. Now, every morning when i make the bed and shower i close them and no one else would go in my room. this happened until i decided i could no longer continue sleeping on the couch, i felt exhausted. Once i started sleeping in the bed, the doors stopped opening! I think Ed was trying to tell me to watch tv in bed and sleep there. Two days before his funeral, Ed's sisters came over to help us make photo memory boards to be displayed, I was not home at the time they arrived, I was at walgreens getting enlargements done. When i got home i walked in and his sister Tracey said how bout a hug Carol, i said, god, i need 7000 hugs, just as i said that and she embraced me, an alarm sounded in the house, it went off and then to a perfect fade, really loud to quiet in a matter of ten seconds. (does that make sense?) His sister said, wow that must have been Ed!! This is a brand new house, our dream house we built together, His obsession for nearly a year and half! well....ok, both of our obsessions. I have not read a lot yet, i just found this tonight, but i did want to mention that when ever i am outside, butterflies galore!! At his funeral when Father Jeff was saying the Lords prayer, a white butterfly flew up and over Fathers head and just flittered amongs all of us. I didnt see this, i was not really there (does this make sense?) my mom noticed it, she was so happy when she told me about it and said "Carol, that had to have been ed!!" There seems like so much to take care of and do here, it is never ending. When does the pain in your chest and head go away? When can i feel like there isnt someone or something ripping my heart out? I have been reading that other people have their loved ones come to them in their dreams, i have not dreamt of him yet....of course i take xanax to go to sleep...that could be why. but you would think i would remember something. Thank you for letting me talk here, sometimes i feel so alone, even though i have our four children and family and friends. thanks, junecleaver aka Carol..ps, we always kidded about the name, i would call him Ward, he would call me june. have a nice night.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Carol,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and pain. I too felt the severe pain in my chest and the feeling that someone had ripped out my heart. It has been 5 months for me since I lost my brother and it still comes and goes but it is not constant like it was for about a month or more. Everyone is different I guess when they grieve and I think how we lose someone, (suddenly etc...), has some to do with the trauma we feel. My heart goes out to you. What a hard way to lose the love of your life. It sounds like you were/are in shock. I figured that out about myself on my own later that I had physically been in shock...I actually went to the doctor about the chest pain after about 4 weeks because my mother said it was the symptom of a heart attack and then they gave me xanax to help me sleep eventually but I don't have to take them as much now. It sounds like your husband has been contacting you with the closet doors. And the butterfly too...if you will read some of the other posts look for Swede1's posts and you will see what her book says about the color of the butterfly and what it represents...(I can't remember or I would tell you here!). I think that if we can learn how that we can recieve a lot more contact with our loved ones but I am still learning myself. From what I have learned I can just tell you to be patient, look for signs, and talk to your husband because I believe he can hear you.

Hang in there and welcome to this site. We have some very smart and caring people here you will see!

Love and comfort,

Laura

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
junecleaver42

Lauraanne, thank you for responding to my post. I have started looking at some of the other posts. I am not finding the ones about the colors of the butterflies and what they mean. Maybe someone could remember where it was? Unfortunately I have to work during the day and evenings are dinner, watering watering watering, we have a new lawn and landscaping, 5 acres, and the gov of wisconsin just issued a drought warning. I dont want to lose the lawn and plants after Ed and I worked so hard this spring to put that in. Also, is it normal that I have not dreamt about him yet? Or am I in a denial faze still? Im not sure how I could be in a denial faze, reality is slapping me in the face every morning when I get up till the time I go to bed. I have read that there is someone, and please forgive me for not remembering your name, that connects with the big k. If you can connect for me I would appreciate it. When I said that Ed died in my arms on Fathers day morning, I meant in my arms, doing what married couples do. I know he was happy when it happened, he loved and adored me sooooo very much. It was evident in everything he did and said. I am not seeing any signs lately, and I really need the signs of him around me especially now going through making out my will, financial crap and stuff. I feel all alone, as I am sure so many of you do also. I married my soulmate when I was 18 years old, I know of no other life, this is so hard. Thank you for your response, Carol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Carol,

I am so sorry for your loss as I am for everyone here. I lost my husband and soulmate 14 months ago. I was numb the first year! I just told a friend of mine just yesterday my goal was to get thru the first year alive. I couldn't tell you how I did it though. I cried everyday and sometimes all day. I tried to just stay in the moment and I allowed myself to cry. I screamed in tears and asked each and everyday "why"? and still do! Why do the good go young and why the good guys???? I never understand it all long as I live. I am trying to maintain our home as well as we built it together but it is not easy....my 3 kids are so active in sports, etc....it seems I'm left alone to do most everything. It's funny the things I let go now...I just prioritize! And, I have made getting a good nights sleep a priority for my own health. You have found a good place to come and talk your feelings out and everyone here is so supportive and I for one can relate to your loss. We met when we were 14 and together ever since and he was my life...married for 28 years! I'm lost without him. I have gone to a medium and have confirmation that he "lives on" and so that has helped me. I just needed to know he is o.k. I will keep you in my prayers for you to have strength each and everyday to go on...He is with you and he is watching over you. God bless!

Seekingsolace is the one who connects with the "Big Kahuna". Keep writing. I feel my husband is with me and he has given me signs. Sometimes you just need to meditate and pray to him to come to you...in dreams or in anyother way. My husband came to me in a dream, he showed me his face in our bedroom window, and thru readings with mediums....be patient and he will come to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Carol,

The information on the colors of the butterflies was given to me from Swede1. It is as follows:

For your butterfly sign:

Orange = essentially a cheeful, uplifting colour with associated qualities of happiness and independence.

Yellow = closest to daylight; connected with the emotional self, thinking, detachment and judgement.

White = all colours contained within it; innocence,spiritual purity and wisdom.

Don't forget, the colours may or may not be the important part of the sign and only you can determine this. I think the fact that you were elated with the butterfly's presence is a most telling point, plus the general meaning of butterflies.

I hope this is helful to you and gives you confirmation that your husband is around you. I hope this site helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
junecleaver42

Hi Songbird,

Thank you for replying with the color information. I must say that I am seeing an awful lot of Monarch butterflies also. This is unusual since this year it was reported on one of the main news stations (cnn?) that over the winter, the area of Mexico that the monarchs make their trip to yearly to winter over, the monarchs were very scarce! Both my daughter and I have been seeing a lot of them, especially since the last week. We have also been seeing a black/brown butterfly with the outer edges of the wings lined in brilliant orange....they seem to flitter into my garage when I am working in there. (i work at home) I had stated yesterday that I was not dreaming of Ed, but this morning when i woke up and both dogs were sitting there staring at me from the floor next to my bed, the song "Come Monday" by Jimmy Buffet was repeating over and over in my head. You see.... usually on friday nights or sat...depending on things that would be going on with sports or family, we would have drinks together and Ed loved that song, he always wanted to hear it repeated over and over. In fact it is still in my head. That is unusual in itself since I have avoided listening to any type of music or radio with the exception of talk radio and the Brewers games. So thank you for leting me know the color information.

Lauraanne, By reading your posts I had not known you had lost your husband, I had thought it was just your brother, yes how unfortunate that we have this in common! I know it is selfish to think you are the only one going through this, but when it is happening to you, you do indeed! I am so sorry for your losses and for everyones loss! I tell people who visit me or call me that I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. That it is the worst pain one cant even begin to imagine that one could feel. talk later, time to shower and get going here, have a nice day, CArol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Carol,

I have been seeing the same color butterflies. Also white ones, but they are much more common. The other day I went to the cemetery and one followed me from the gate right to my father's grave. They are always with us! It is wonderful how music can be such an inspiration to our feelings. It can bring you to the best (and worst) times in your life. When my dad was in the hospital, the floor was very quiet; only the sounds of machines everyday. The day before he died, my mother, sister and I were there together and out of nowhere the radio came on. It was playing the song, "In my Daughter's Eyes". It stayed on for a few more songs and went off. It never came back on. I can't hear that song without feeling sad, but I do know that it was a sign to us he knew we were there. I know the grief you feel for your husband is different than what I feel for my dad, but I look at what my mother is going through and I can't imagine the pain you feel. My heart is with you and everyone here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Carol,

I'm so sorry you lost your husband - I can't even imagine! (although my head HAS been trying to make me imagine this of late, I'm so stuck in fear mode because of my other losses!)Even if they're all 'different' in certain ways, ALL losses suck royally, and each one presents different challenges to those left here to cope. I remember a grief counselor saying that she hated the term "grief RECOVERY" because you don't really recover from a loss, you just learn to cope with it, or some word to that effect.

Just thought I'd mention...for the butterflies, no, they're probably not Monarchs, but Painted Ladies. It seems much of North America (in their usual flight path) has had a huge influx of them this year - they don't know why. We've even had millions of them here in Alberta, Canada this summer. They look very similar to Monarchs. By the way, I'm the one who posted with the colour information (which also applies to the colours of ANYTHING else you might see).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

For everyone:

Just thought I'd mention that if you're wondering why you're not receiving email notifications to this or any other thread on this site, apparently Admin. had received complaints from people that they were getting too MANY to their email accounts, so they've turned off that option button, at least for now. Don't know if they'll ever turn it on again - me, I miss it, as I have to now check all forums and threads manually each time - what a time-waster! I guess if we don't like it, we could complain in the OTHER direction and see if they'd turn it back on?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I actually have one more thing to add to today's postings. My birthday is coming up quick (near the end of July) and I'm dreading it as much as I did last year (the first w/o my Mom), so I'm really hoping she, and my furboy, and maybe even my brother, too (!), will gift me with some signs, as it's incredibly depressing to not get that card &/or present from my Mom. Maybe making this public will get her attention better! I really hate my birthdays now...it's different when you have to start counting your age to include the age you turned when your loved one wasn't there anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Carol,

Just a quick note as I am on my way out the door. But, there are two of us Laura's.....We are both Laura Anne but I go by Lauraa and the other is Laura Anne...Confusing! I lost me husband and Laura Anne lost her brother...We'll talk later!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Carol and Lauraa

Hi..I just caught up on reading posts and I am sorry for the confusion too! I am thinking of changing my username, I will let you know if I do!

I bought some beautiful dragonfly abalone ear rings last weekend on a trip with my girlfriends and since then I have seen many dragonfly's , one sat on a branch at the cemetary yesterday and nodded it's head at me!! Oh I like to believe that my brother has something to do with that!! I just wonder if he can get in and fly around or ride on or just talk to and communicate with them?

Talk to you later,

Laura ANNE!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lauraanne,

What you mentioned about the dragonfly at the cemetery....that's the kind of thing I'd asked Seekingsolace about...whether they could come through via someone else's body. I would think it's entirely possible, considering some mediums can mimic, in voice and facial expression, spirits from beyond. The reason I'd asked about it in the first place was because I SWEAR I had a few experiences like that when my furboy passed. The first involved rather odd behaviour from a robin that started frequenting our yard right after....normally pretty skittish until they know you better, this one kept looking me straight in the eye, and would hop CLOSER to me, sit and listen to me ask him if he was my guy in disguise, then chirp once in response while staring at me. So I've always wondered about him. The second seemed even more obvious. A black cat from the neighborhood (whom I'd never seen before then) started appearing on our deck (I've always had to shoo all other cats away cuz both of ours would go mental and want to fight them)I almost had a heart attack when I first saw this cat, as its size was so close to my guy's (unusual as both or our cats were smaller than average), and it was black, just like my guy. When I went out to shoo, this cat not only didn't run, but came towards me. (not entirely unusual, but still a start) I couldn't help myself, and picked it up, because when I got closer, I noticed the most uncanny thing. This cat's face and body looked absolutely like a perfect cross between my guy and his sister, in features, eyes ( a bit more like my guy's used to be before changing colour later in life), voice, etc. Then another uncanny thing....this cat started purring madly when picked up (pretty normal stuff) but when I stroked her (later checked the gender), she started curling and uncurling her paws, just like my guy used to do (his sis never did this). The texture of her fur was also like an exact cross between my two - highly unusual. I darn near took that cat inside for my own! LOLOL She kept coming around for a few weeks, then stopped, even though she still lived a few doors away and was still there. I've always thought my guy knew how the lack of being able to touch him was killing me, and so somehow got inside that look-alike cat so he could come and soothe me some. Knowing cats they way I do, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if a living one would be gracious enough to cooperate in this fashion. Hope this helps strenthen your belief!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hey Swede1,

Good to hear from you! It feels like I haven't talked to you in a while even though it probably hasn't been as long. My judgement of time is just about nonexistent still.

Thanks for sharing that about the bird and cat. Yes, it is good to hear other experiences to strengthen my feelings...cause sometimes I do wonder if I just want it to be him so much when it is a completely normal thing. (He would have laughed at me and picked at me about it in a loving way) I have had bird experiences too and so has my mother and my son. And we have been debating about how it might work. How nice it would be to be able to soar with a bird or a dragonfly! I may change my username to dragonfly so I it won't be so confusing, I have been thinking about it but couldn't think of a username. I am terrible at picking usernames or nicknames!

We are finally through with baseball but school has started now!

Gotta go for now. Take care.

Laura Anne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Junecleaver42

Hi Carol,

Just reread your postings here and thought I should mention that prescription drugs (like Xanax, etc.) DO interfere with regular sleep patterns, so it's very likely that, were you having dreams or visitations, you wouldn't remember them. To be on the right wavelength for spirit, it is usually important to, as Seekinsolace has said, too (and she's the one whose name you couldn't remember), get yourself more clear-headed and peaceful. Drugs mess with that and don't allow a NATURALLY higher vibration of your energy to occur, unlike something like meditative methods does. On the other hand, too, shock and stress can play just as big a factor, and most people also suffer very impaired memory after a loss....so add them all up and it's tougher to get signs that you can be aware of. Maybe you could start trying simple deep breathing exercises first? Hope this helps you see you're maybe not being denied anything, just not able to be aware enough yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
junecleaver42

Hi Swede1,

finally i have a little time here to write. As I said before i had left a message for a woman on the grief board, i am worried about her, I think she needs a million hugs from everyone who comes to this board. I sure hope i told her the right things too. I just typed from my heart. I had so felt her pain, really, really felt it. Maybe everyone could reply to her so she doesnt feel so alone.

Swede, I figured the xanax was affecting me that way yes. But i really need it right now, for sleep and just for stress. my doctor said he will only give me this until december so i will have to start weening myself from it in november by cutting the dose in half. also just relearning relaxation techniques. oh and learning how to sleep in bed alone without the xanax too. :-(

I have been in a couple of social situations lately and have been offered alchohol and have declined but then i had to explain why i didnt want to drink anything. basically i told them that if they were prepared to listen to me wail and cry for 4 to 6 hours, sure i would have a few with them, they changed their minds pretty fast. some applaud this, some think i am strange. i know i cant cope with that!! other than that no signs today that i could see. i did break down and cry while i was working, it was hot and humid and i was falling behind because the dish network guy who came to replace a component that failed, spent three hours here and i was frustrated that he was spending more time talking to me than fixing the darn thing. so i lost three hours of work, hence i worked until 830 tonight, with the help of my daughter who helped me pack my shipments up. maybe the sign was that i did get accomplished what i wanted to get done today despite the interuptions? maybe ed gave me the strength to work as hard as i had to. at least i like to think so :-)

I also wanted to say hi to laura and lauraanne too....actually i want to say a big hello to everyone!! ok everyone have a nice night, time to relax and veg watching the news. talk tomorrow night! Carol

ps, i am not always good about the capitalizing or the spelling, please bear with me, sometimes i type so fast, sometimes i am just plain lazy! lol bye

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I posted... and nothing much new happened.

I didn't get the chance to receive another visitation of him, although I still get a lot of signs (butterfly that comes really nearby, songs he loved, wind blowing unexpectably,...).

I've been really mad at him this week. Didn't want to listen to him, to talk to him, to believe he was still there... and still... I could feel him. It really didn't matter to him that I was mad.

I'm really starting to realize that what I really miss is his fysical presence, because for the rest, he is still there... thank God, because without this, I don't know how I would be right now...

Keep posting! Cause although I don't have much to say lately, I read your posts every day and it really helps me...

Bless you all.

Elena

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Junecleaver42,

What is the name of this person you think needs support? (you kinda forgot that part...LOL!) I feel badly for you, having to deal with all that work when you're already so drained and hurting. But I still love your sense of humour and hope it serves to lift you up (I think that's a GREAT answer to declining a drink....and I know what you mean...alcohol just makes me more depressed, too, when I'm in the thick of grief). Glad you're working on the other methods for relaxing, too! (I need to do more of that myself lately!)Hang in there....and we'll be here for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
junecleaver42

Hi Swede1,

her name is Winsome57, i saw it posted on grief support. i just re-read her post again and it makes me feel so sad. Really quick here, i wanted to mention that my daughter had a dream before waking this morning, she said that Ed had kept telling her that the cumindon levels had to be checked. i called his dad who used to be on it and he is not on it nor does he know of anyone on it. i didnt get a chance to email my mom yet if she is on it. what a strange dream to have. other than that i had a good day today, tears only a few times and no break downs (not that i didnt want to HAVE a full breakdown, cryout) :-) i guess that will never fully leave i am told. ahhh yes, i agree the alcohol only intensifies the situation and makes it worse, unfortunately for my 24 year old daughter she found out the hard way on saturday. she didnt drink a lot but enough to make her mind race and all the sad hurting feelings came. thankfully her boyfriend stayed up all night with her comforting her. (they went to a county fair that was close to his house) she said now she wont drink anymore. she rarely ever does, so that is why it intensified i think. "live and learn".oh i get to take the weekend off here yay!! but....this means i hafta clean the house and do yardwork, booooooo. lol, have a nice weekend swede, and everyone else also!! :-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.