Loss of 22 mos. old son

[hkolb]

I lost my youngest son, Mason, almost 2 years ago on August 29th, 2011. There was an accident at home where the dresser fell on him, and by the time we woke up in the morning, he had aspirated and was brain dead. We have an older son, Callan, who shared a room, and witnessed this. He was 3 at the time. Most days, I push it out of my mind. I start to think of Mason, and then I will myself to think of something else. We moved out of our apartment that Mason died in 9 months after he passed, and moved 200 miles away. It has been good for our other son, and for my husband, but I miss not being able to just go to the cemetery.

We donated Mason's organs, and with his gifts he has saved 5 lives, and helped 21 others. I am so proud of this fact, as he was a giver, and would of have done this if he were an adult.

I have so many regrets, as we parents always do. Wish I would have done this, should have done that, etc.

I've never been a drinker, but I would say within the last 6 months, I have been drinking nearly every night. It helps me sleep. That is my excuse. I am on 6 different anxiety/depression meds, but not sure they are helping. But I sure can tell when I do not take them.

I don't know what I want to say, or what answers I am looking for. Maybe just someone who understands....

[dsmurph]

My heart breaks for you and my prayers go out to you and your family. Life does not seem fair. But, here we are. We have to deal with losing our children whom we would trade places with if we could. We don't know why this happens, but, it does. I'm so sorry for your loss and pray that somehow you get through. That is how we spend our days, getting through. We will continue to do just that until we can do a little more. hugs

[NeverAndAlways]

so sorry for your loss...like you, we moved right after...and sometimes i wish I could walk the halls they played in and lay the grass they rolled in...this house keeps reminding me that they never set foot here. what we did do though was set up a small memorial garden the back yard...it has become for us the resting place of their memory where we visit with them...even though they are not buried there. we even have pictures of them there. for me, it has become better than visiting the cemetary...i feel i am truly visiting them when I'm there.

I had to start limiting my medications slowly...i am not on what you are on, but over a few months i cut down by taking the doses at the same times, but cutting them in half, then in fourths, etc. it was not easy and my doctor was in support of it. alcohol helps me sleep too so no judgment here. in here, only you can know what is too much...definitely understand

[LettersToAri]

My son went to Heaven on the day you posted this - Ari - 20 months old - forever mine.

[shorty16]

Ari's Mom

You have come to the right place. All of us have experienced a profound loss.

My 16 year old son, Brian, and his friend decided to climb on the hood of car. A third boy was the driver. After reaching speads of 68 mph in a 25 mph zone, the driver lost control and hit 3 trees. The other boy, on the hood, walked away from the accident. The driver walked away. My Brian died on the side of the road within minutes of hitting the ground.

Since Brian died at the scene, we could not donate vital organs, but we did donate everything we could. Brian has helped 30 people so far. We have heard from the cornea recipient.

This is a road non of us want to be on - especially now, when we receive Christmas cards with pictures of intact families. For years I could not even open them.

I see you are in Minnesota - I am from Wisconsin.

Come join us on the Loss of an Adult Child thread. Even though my Brian was not an adult, I am accepted without question and you will be too.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[hkolb]

I know this is an old thread, and I want to thank you all for your responses. I am at a point now where I feel like being more active in this group will help me. So thank you!