It Has been awhile since I been in the forum

[kendi]

It has been awhile, unfortunately there is some new people here. I am not sure why I have not been on this site because it has helped me so much in the loss of Kenny, I am dreading August to come because it will be a year. It still feels so unreal and it was not suppose to end like this. God, I miss him so much!! I still want to pick up the phone on my breaks and call him, If I hear some gossip I can't wait to get home to tell him. I miss walking in the door and seeing those beautiful green eyes and that wonderful smile he had. I have poured myself into my two jobs because it gives me some relief. The kids are missing him so much, yesterday was hard with it being Father's Day. They are some strong kids though, stronger than me, They have been so helpful knowing we need the money they help out around the house. But I would give all we have up just to have my honey bunches of oats home with us. It is funny still after almost a year I still can not cry. As I wrote before about time I feel like I am about to cry it goes away. I still don't wanna believe he is gone and I will never hold him or hear his voice again. So much easier to think he is at his mom's visiting I know it sounds crazy but hey it helps me get through the days. I tried redoing some stuff just to see if that would help but still see him in every part of the house something he done or was going to do. I look outside his shed his old trucks his junk pile everywhere. I had a neighbor who lost her husband this week and wanted to talk to me on how I got through it, I told her I could be there to listen to her and help her in anyway I could, I just can not tell her how I got through loosing Kenny because I am not sure if I am at that point myself. Kenny brought me so much life and love to our lives that it is so hard not to have him here. I do Thank God he did not suffer a long illness that was a blessing and Kenny would not have wanted that. Thank you for letting me got some thoughts off my mind. My thoughts and prayers are with each and everyone that is suffering a loss of a loved one.

[ModKonnie]

_{Kendi,I am glad you came back to help others and to tell us what is going on. As the anniversary approaches, I am sure you are having some emotional upheavals. I know people who have never cried, including my mom, when their loved ones die. She just can't and that's just how she is. She doesn't mind when others cry, but she cant. We will be here for you as the anniversary looms. ModKonnie}

[widower2]

Hi there and welcome back - sorry about the rough times you're still having. I'm still struggling at times too. Thoughts and prayers to you -