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stillfighting431

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Lately I´ve been having some issues with friends. As I said on previous posts, I´ve always been kind of anxious and suffered from panic crisis along the way, but lately adding to that, some of my closest friends, besides drifting apart, have been saying things that are really “don´ts” for someone grieving…

First my sister, since my dad passed thinks I should go to a psychiatrist instead of therapist, so I can sleep better, but she said this like a week after my dad passed (she wasn´t as close to him as I was), but at least she now barely mentions it.

Now some of my friends keep telling me I have to get over this or I might get depressed…. As an anxious individual I´ve always been afraid of “going crazy”, but having people telling me this every time I see them, gets frustrating and gets me angry and sad.

They envision the worst case scenario and share it with me. I know they might be worried, but those words only make me feel worse and are not helpful at all… So they barely ask how I´m doing and when they ask, they don´t like the answer…

Is 8 weeks that long enough? I feel so alone that the only way to talk about how I feel, is with one single friend and my therapist. The rest I do is reading and posting here and on my blog.

Did anyone here had the same problem with friends?

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Lostwithoutmum

MissuDad,

It's your loss, it's your grief and you lay the rules...

You should not bottle up your grief ..because that won't help you, it will just build up some inevitable storm of emotions.

You have been through a lot, actually through 'the worst scenario' already and you do need to get your head around it..

I don't mean for you to sink in sadness but it's only natural to feel the way you do..it's emotionally draining to lose a special person like your dad....

8 weeks is far from enough ...enough grieving time is the time you need to get through it, full stop.

It's been almost 4 months since I have lost mum and it hurts like yesterday...

In my case, it was me actually who needed a break from friends at first because I felt that since mum has passed, my life has had a different dimension that they were unable to see, recognise, understand, or tune in to as this would put them face to face with mortality. I would not have been able to understand how profound and confusing this experience is before what happened to us in Feb...

The blog is a great idea for venting, and we are here.

Take care of yourself

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stillfighting431

Hi MissuDad,

I’m so sorry for your loss & I know what you’re going thru. I too have suffered from anxiety & depression episodes all my life. My mom was the one person who could help me thru it. She was my rock, my best friend & without her I’ve had to try so much harder to keep myself together. Friends don’t get what we are going thru, because unless you lose someone so close to you, you can’t understand this pain. It’s coming up to 2 years now but I still feel like I lost her yesterday. The pain is still crippling when it hits me over & over again. So 8 weeks is no time at all to get over such a life altering loss. It’s going to take a whole lot more to come to grip with this hole left in our hearts. Try not to let the ignorant fools get to you. Let’s hope they never have to face this pain ever. I try to avoid such people at all costs but I can’t do that always & every now & then I get ambushed by one. These well wishers leave me feeling worse than before. Hang in there. I’ve been shocked by the appalling behavior of those I called friends & at the same time pleasantly surprised by those I didn’t. I’ve lost & made many friends thru this ordeal. Everything you’re feeling is quite normal & you’re NOT going crazy & you’re NOT a freak for feeling this way. We’re all going thru this. You’re not alone in your pain.

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