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Hello from Marksmomforever


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Hello To all,

Kristy's mom my heart goes out to you sincerely. Although I definately don't know alot about this out of desperation i keep going on. I can say though with confidence that a few things I did shortly after our son Mark passed away (Oh how I still hate saying that) has at least to this point kept me sane.

I to found this site within a few weeks of losing our son, and although I had a hard time talking to friends and family I could come to this site and send messages each day. I truly believe this was my life line....... and I believe it will give you some comfort I found I didn't have to say everything here as so many totally could understand my thoughts and feelings no matter how bazare they sounded. I also found it good to read all that I could about how other parents have survived this. And lastly I found continueing to work kept my head straight at least for the duration of my work day. If there is anything I can do please just ask?

To everyone I apologize for running away, I don't know why I think I thought I could take a break from grief. I have been working so hard to hold my family together that I didn't realize I was starting to lose myself. I don't even know maybe I have lost it. I have heard from many others that TIME will help, yet it has now been a little over three years since we lost our son and I swear my pain is intensifying. I find myself getting very angry at things in life, I feel a hate for the person who caused our sons death like nothing I have every felt before. YES, we are going the court route but as it approaches I fear that it will bring me no comfort. As you know no matter what happens I cannot have my son back. I have also discovered that although losing our son has been the worst watching my other two children slip away and my husband and I , well I don't even recognize us anymore.

PLEASE tell me does anyone out there get those unbelieveable urges to go to your child?? So many night when I am in that thinking zone, you know the time where you re run that day through your mind over and over and you think how could I have made this different...........Maybe I am weakening, maybe I can't do this anymore.....

Sometimes I even lose my breath, its like something just hits me in the stomach and takes my breath away. I have cried so much in the past three years that as soon as I start to cry my eyes sting and my heart aches. I am open to hearing any of the insight anyone can offer me, see I don't personally know anyone who has been through what we have except of course those I met on here.

I send you all my special wishes and thoughts, hope to hear from you maybe even some of you remember me? Take care love Marksmomforever (Roxy):(

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