I Believe in God...

[tinasdad]

Lord, we pray You will fill Kitty with peace. Give her heart Your mercy as she mourns the loss of her child, now the absence of her husband. We ask Your wisdom to be upon her for the many decisions she must make, that she will make them according to Your will. Fill her heart with a sense of the love she has from her friends, and let her be able to rely on her friends for her needs, and let them hurry to help her always. We will always be grateful for how You answer our petitions, Lord.

Kitty, you may have no idea what God will do as you turn the next corner, but He will provide for you. I don't presume to know how, but I've seen Him work in so many ways, all I can say my friend, is try to be very patient and wait upon the Lord. He has a very strong hand.

I'm praying for you, and I won't stop until we have no need for prayer. You're in my heart and prayers, Mark

[erinsmom]

THUS SAITH THE LORD GOD UNTO THESE BONES; BEHOLD I WILL CAUSE BREATH TO ENTER INTO YOU, AND YE SHALL LIVE;

AND I WILL LAY SINEWS UPON YOU, AND WILL BRING UP FLESH UPON YOU, AND COVER YOU WITH SKIN, AND YE SHALL KNOW THAT I AM THE LORD!

EZE 37:5-6

Bring it on me Abba Father!

[kagansmommy]

Kitty, I know you are hurting beyond belief right now and I am so sorry. But please be careful and choose your words carefully. I said exactly the same thing you did and got way more than I bargained for. I told God whatever he had for me bring it on. I had proven myself over, and over and their was nothing that would knock me down now....12 day's later my baby died~!! I know you also suffer the loss of a child and you know what I am talking about. I am worried about you and I am praying for you. I hope I haven't offended you in any way~!!

Christy

"I LOVE YOU KAGAN"

[erinsmom]

Thank you Christy. My last post was actually asking our Father to breath life back into my dead dry bones. That's what I was trying to ask.

I know exactly what your saying in your warning to me to watch my words. That is very wise counsel.

I opened my bible this morning quite by chance to Isaiah 61. Very encouraging.

HE HAS SENT ME TO TELL THOSE WHO MOURN THAT THE TIME OF THE LORD'S FAVOR HAS COME, AND WITH IT, THE DAY OF GOD'S ANGER AGAINST THEIR ENEMIES. verse 2.

INSTEAD OF SHAME AND DISHONOR, YOU WILL INHERIT A DOUBLE PORTION OF PROSERITY AND EVERLASING JOY. FOR I, THE LORD, LOVE JUSTICE. I HATE ROBBERY AND WRONGDOING. I WILL FAITHFULLY REWARD MY PEOPLE FOR THIER SUFFERING AND MAKE AN EVERLASTING COVENANT WITH THEM. verse 7-8.

Music to my ears.

I am the one who is continually telling everyone - "God's promises are real - hold on" . . . . I am going to take that in and rest in it today.

I am very low on weight and need to start eating. Today is the day the Lord has made and I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT.

Even if it kills me . . . . .

Love you guys,

Kitty

[tinasdad]

Kitty, when we face overwhelming sorrow, the first response is to forget ourselves while we mourn our loss. Take care of your physical needs too. To bring on damaging conditions because you neglect your health will add to your sorrow (and make your friends turn grey from worrying over you). Take care to maintain a reasonable diet, because you need to be healthy.

There are many things you have been through that have dragged you down emotionally, and have damaged your self image. The truth is, you are a treasure before the Almighty God. This is true, because He sent His only Son to give you eternal life. James wrote "humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you." God is waiting and wants to exalt you to a lofty position of high praise. Just rest in Him and see His mighty hand working in you.

Just as you said Kitty, YOU will receive a double portion of prosperity and everlasting joy. You have remained true to the Lord through all of this, and He will remain true to you. He won't leave you wanting any good thing. I'm in constant prayer for you, and our church will continue to uphold you throughout this time, expecting God to do a miracle.

Christy, saying something to God or anyone else had nothing to do with Kagan dying. As tragic and unbearable as it has been, it had nothing to do with your attitude or anything you said. God would not do that to you. He isn't the God of cruelty, but the God of love and mercy.

Everything has been beyond my wildest dreams so far. Last night, both of my girls were hurting, but it was sweet to spend time with them. The initial greeting at the airport was a little numb, but it was from us both being in shock that we actually were together. Dad's never been happier.

Talk to ya later, luv to all, Mark

[kagansmommy]

Kitty...I am sorry I didn't understand what you were asking. I saw "bring it on me" and freaked out. I know in my heart my word's had nothing to do with Kagan's death. I know God would never punish me through my child. But everytime i said "I can't take anymore~!!" or "what can go wrong now?" that something else would fall into my already running over plate. Please take care of yourself. I neglected my own health while Kagan was alive. I was sos worried about him and his medication that I would forget to take my heart med's for a week at a time...I would even forget to eat. It is only by the grace of God that I didn't die taking care of that baby.

I went through a divorce (after finding out the ex was cheating on me.) and the death of my baby in less than 2 years so I know the hell you are in right now.

Mark.....I am so glad it is going well with your daughter. I can just imagine what that big ol' smile on your face looks like right now. It does my heart good to hear the excitement in your post's.....you are a good Dad~!!

I will be praying for everyone today and always.

Christy

"I LOVE YOU KAGAN"

[erinsmom]

I wonder how Lauraa is doing? Are you out there? I am so caught up in my broken heart I am neglecting my precious friends here. I really don't like being in this state and am determined to snap out of it - and soon. Broken hearts are so self-centered . . I know from experience that helping others and focusing on how you can help others is the best medicine. I've forgotten that lately and this heavey heart is getting old. I want my joy back! If only it was as easy as waving a magic wand. . . I know it takes time and I also know that it's important the I (all of us here) go THROUGH the pain and process it rather than around it with distractions or displacement.

Oh Lord help us all here. Without You WE CAN DO NOTHING.

Loving Him,,

Kitty

[tinasdad]

Christy, I'm so happy. Last night, Tina was hurting quite a bit, so she sat with me on the sofa until she fell asleep. I just sat there watching her sleep, while totally amazed that I'm the Dad to such a precious child as this beautiful young lady. It didn't take long to realize I was crying in happiness, a pleasant switch from the usual madness of tears we've had lately.

Kitty, is a broken heart self-centered? Just think of Who died of one for you. He gave up His own life, relinquishing His own soul to the keeper of death. His heart was broken because He couldn't have the relationship with the Father He always had, and all because of sin. He did this for you, and He did it for me. Your broken heart is your love for your husband trying to do what it always has done, only now it can't. So, instead, it makes you feel this lonely aching pain, like the whole world is completely out of whack because you have lost what you should have. You'll go through the steps of grief all over again, and it will hurt. You will come to the last stage of grief, Acceptance, and start reassessing your reality in light of your circumstances. When you do, you'll emerge from you're grief shining brighter than the stars of the Heavens. Have faith, and go at your own pace. Let nobody tell you to hurry through it. It's your journey.

I'll check in tomorrow to see how you are all doing. I'm praying for you all. luv and prayrz, Mark

[erinsmom]

a praise report - of sorts -

i am feeling a measure of relief from the intense searing pain and starting to believe i will soon be over the worst of it. i am not quite over the hump, but i am teetering. i firmly believe my heart is lifting because of the constant prayer that i have been feeling so many are offering on my behalf. i can't thank you all enough.

i ate lunch. it stayed down for two days in a row. . . thank you God for your tender mercies and continued grace.

Thank you friends, I love you all-

kitty

[lauraa]

Hello Everyone,

My internet was down all week. I have been having a hell of a time...T.V. broke, dishwasher, car, my daughter's thyroid condition, wisdom teeth out for my oldest and the list goes on and on. I have really missed talking with you all this week but you have all been in my heart and thought/prayers. Mark, I am so happy your time with your daughter is going good. Kitty, thank you for wondering where I was...I cried when I read the scripture from Isaiah....I hope god is against wrongdoing cause if that is the case I will be sure to be patient. I needed to hear that. Thanks. I am at a point where sometimes I feel why bother to even try because no matter what we do it just doesn't matter because god has a whole different plan....I know my plan didn't work out....I will be patient. I will walk softly but I will carry a big stick! Christy....you sound like your doing good and I hope it continues. I know how we can all negect our own health while taking care of the ones we love. Thank god for love because no matter how you slice it...that is the only thing that keeps us alive and going. Nikki...think of you all the time and I'm prayer for strength for all of you.

Together We Can!

[erinsmom]

Wow Lauraa, that's a lot for one person to have on their plate. Isn't it just grande when someone tells you right in the middle of a trial like your having to "cast all your cares on God dear" . . . . what an impossiblity that can seem like when you are right in the middle of a storm! Believe me, I know how the flesh fights to stay "on top of things" . . . I am so guilty of that.

There is good news.

It's really all we can do Lauraa. . . give it to God. It's our only hope.

Once you get the hang of it, life gets A LOT easier and a lot more peaceful.

Surrender is sweet and very pleasing to God. OH LORD IS IT EVER HARD TO DO.

This is good stuff for me to camp on today.

Love you all,

Kitty

[tinasdad]

Laura, what a week! Now that you're through it, you can be thankful you made it and have that guardian angel to protect you. We can give Him all our cares, because he cares for us. The Savior's love led Him to the cross, and that's a lot of love.

Kitty, you're getting there! Take each moment as it happens; it's sufficient. God's grace will bring you through. Please try to eat a little bit; just don't get carried away with it. I don't want you getting ill from this.

Christy, I'm praying for you, and so happy you are my friend. We're having more fun than I can even begin to say. I love being the dad to these three.

My wife has had some rough nights, but it's good to have a little extra help from my daughter to care for her so Dad can rest. I'm going to miss this girl when she goes back to Illinois.

Stay cool, everyone, and try to avoid the sunburns. luv & prayrz, Mark

[lauraa]

Good Morning Guys,

Thanks for all your thoughts...I will be off to my oldest son's graduation today. He actually graduated from HS last year but has gone thru a post graduate program. I am lonely to the core without my husband to physically be with us for this. He loved his kids passionately and his greatest suffering was leaving us. I have muster up strength every time I have to go to any of my childrens events without him with me but in my heart I know he is right there spiritually with us all. Sometimes, I feel I like I am just existing and going thru the motions.....I guess if I have survived at all it is a miracle. I hope you all are doing good today and I look forward to hearing from everyone. Have a good day!

[tinasdad]

Laura, may you feel your husband's presence while you attend this landmark for your son. You must be very proud of him, and have the right to be. You have done and are doing a beautiful job of completing the task in raising your children, and you should also be proud of yourself. May God fill you with peace and joy throughout the weekend. May He grant your spirit hope as you look at your accomplishments.

Last night, my daughter and I were listening to a song by a band called O2Worship, from British Columbia. The song has a line that's something like "I know now You've been with me all the time, even when I thought everything about me was mine. You changed me from water into wine, and in Your sacred heart I'll be fine." He will do a wonderful thing to you, and turn you into something that you will look at with such awe, you will only want to thank Him. It may be a sweet release from the pain and anguish of your husband's death, or it may be a change in the way you view the world now through the eyes of your new circumstances.

Keep hope alive in your heart, and enjoy your garden. You have friends here all the time. Talk to you later, Mark

[lauraa]

Mark,

Thanks for your support. Although when we are grieving if is difficult to see god's graces sometimes especially when we watch our most loved ones suffering so and loosing them. And, after the loss watching the ones left behind grieving and struggling (in their own way)to get thru each and everyday.....wondering why....wondering where they are....wondering how we will/can survive without them physically present in our daily lives? It is definitely a struggle on a daily basis and a process....a long one! My husband and always felt we were on the narrow road but we did it together (always)...now, I am faced to go on without him by my side (but I really can feel that he is with me). Yesterday, as everything else is in my life now is "bitter sweet". I am struggling on a daily basis to find my "zest" for life again....my energy level remains low but a low as it is everyday there is a centimeter gained on the uphill swing. I know one of the stages of grieving is anger and sometimes that anger is at god for taking the one I loved so deeply and passionately...the one that gave me a reason to live. It is a process and a long lonely one...Thanks Mark for your support. I hope everyone here is doing good and getting thru each and everyday gaining strength and courage.

[matthew2237smom]

My dear Kitty,

So good to hear your words of wisdom!!!! what a blessing for all to hear!!!1

I have just signed on for the first time in a long time!11

take care

michelle

[tinasdad]

Michelle, whether it's been a long time since you were here, or the first time like some others we've net recently, it's so good to hear from you. Hang out and visit. I hope you feel comfortable with us and are able to work through your steps of grief. Hope to talk with you more.

Laura, you never dance to whole song in one step, but in many steps. So it is with grief. He was always here to dance with you, but the music changed; now he can't dance with you on earth. You have said many times that we grieve as deeply as we love. You love him and he loves you: so deeply. You will journey a long way before you are truly free from this grief. But, my friend, you will get through this journey and arrive at your distination.

I feel these things, cuz Mary and I love each other very deeply. This grief will pass in time only after I come to terms with it. I just don't want to. She keeps trying to push me out the door, wanting me to get on with living and being happy. I AM happy and I AM living.

Today, we are enjoying the time with my daughter. If my headache will let up a little, we are hoping to attend a Gospel concert in MA. Not sure that will happen, cuz I'm feeling the blindness coming on. Guess tomorrow is another opportunity to accomplish something with my three children. My wife is feeling really bad with the pain. The heat makes it worse, I think.

Take care, and may God bless you as you continue your journeys. love and prayers, Mark

[lauraa]

Kitty and Mark,

I am sorry if my post sound down as I do try and comfort others inn their pain along the way. The lonliness gets me...especially surrounding major events in our lives but alot in just everyday living. Sometimes I feel like I was just shot down and kicked while I was there. I do have a real purpose in my life but it will take time and patience. And, I have 3 beautiful kids to finish raising. Yesterday as I sat and watched my son graduate I was so proud of him for finishing...he doesn't do anything the easy way and it's never pretty but he always seems to finish...I have faith that he is a late bloomer and the good news is that he is "blooming". I see so much of my husband in all of them and so that gives me reason to carry on. I just miss him so, so much. I do believe that "we grieve as deep as we loved" so therefore the grieving is profoundly deep and it will take time. I hope god has patience for me. I am very stubborn and hard headed/set in my ways!

Mark....stay cool as I am sure this heat adds to the H/A. Let your kids take care of you while you rest....relaxation. Mary's pushing you away is just her way of not dealing with the pain of letting go of you....hand in there as I know you are and don't give in cause she really wants you close.

Kitty, you always give me strength by reading your post and all your support...I hope I can give you just a fraction of what I receive.

Christy, Hope your o.k. and doing good...Remember, Kagan is well and happy...playing! He loves you!

Nikki, We all love you! I'm praying for you and you are in my thoughts alot!

Welcome Newcomers!

Stay cool Everyone!

[erinsmom]

Hi Michelle! So good to hear from you again, it's been a long time - since early last fall I believe.

I took a class at my church last night, it's called "The Art of Hearing God" . . .

One of the notes I took in class really impacted me when I went home last night and reviewed them. I wrote:

NO PERSON CAN KEEP ME FROM MY DESTINY WITH GOD.

ONLY MY REACTIONS AND ATTITUDES TOWARD THAT PERSON CAN KEEP ME FROM MY DESTINY WITH GOD.

This was very enlightening for me. . .ESPECIALLY when I saw my husband and his girlfriend together for the first time on Saturday morning. There went my stomach again for the rest of the weekend.

On top of my prayer list for the week of June 13th is my pleading to God for the release of any bitterness, anger, jealousy or unforgiveness in my heart. I know it's so incredibly important and totally imparative for me to stay in His will. This dying to self stuff is not for sissies!

love to all,

kitty

[lauraa]

Kitty,

I am so sorry you had to see your husband like that this weekend. I think that is probally one of the hardest things to ever have to experience. I have you in my heart today and am praying for your peace and for strength to get thru this. You will get thru this! Stay strong!

[erinsmom]

Thank you Lauraa. . . you know it's good to be able to come here and spew my guts. I was thinking a little while ago that I feel like I'm at that point that it's the darkest before the dawn. . . just have a sense that the horizon is about to show itself to me and joy will begin to be restored. The Lord is whispering to me in the past twenty four hours "SUBMIT"!!! I've heard it from three different people in different contexts and I just HAVE TO LET GO OF THIS SINKING SHIP!

Onward Christian Soldiers! I will bath myself in Ephesians tonight, put on my armor and . . . take it from there.

Soon you should all get the memo that my sanity is restored and my joy is returning. hopefully, very soon.

love to ALL,

kitty

[tinasdad]

Laura, thanks for saying that about my wife. I needed to hear it so much. We're so in love and enjoying each other's presence immensely. I am the most fortunate man in the world, because I have loved her and been loved by her. To spend so much time in love with her is joy beyond words.

It's okay to be down and sound it here. You're with friends. You are going to get through this time, and you will shine like the stars and have incredible strength. I have to pray a little more about how to word what I'm supposed to say, then I'll wirte.

Kitty, when you let go of the ship, God may just use that big fish to put you where He wants you to be. And when "Christ our royal Master leads against the foes" you'll be in with Him, I know. You have that preaching spirit. It's not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord. Now, I have to laugh a little, because I'm doing a study in Ephesians in our home group. It's been awesome!

Today is a day of typical pain from the heat, but my wife seems to be quite happy. I think having my daughter here did her a world of good. They're a constant chatter.

Talk to ya later, Mark

[erinsmom]

Heavenly Father, I ask for your hand to clearly touch and guide nikki, her mom, lauraa, christy, mark, mary, tina and steve today. I ask for your angels to surround each of them them and protect their every step today. Rain down your peace and joy on my friends and instill them with a calm knowing that you are in control and everything is going to be just fine.

I ask in Jesus name for any root of unforgiveness, anger, resentfulness or jealousy to be ripped completely from our spirits and replaced with your precious Holy Spirit only full of love and light.

We praise you Father and give you all the Glory,

Amen and Amen

[lauraa]

Kitty,

Boy, thank you for your prayers...that was perfect timing. I am feeling down and lonely today because at this time last year it was the let down time after the funeral and when everyone was gone and the lonliness set in...the finality of it all. I'll never forget the feeling that I had come over me when I walked in my front door for the first time and knowing my husband would never be physiscally there again....it was overwhelming and I have the same feeling now. Thank you for praying for me and know I am praying for you and all of our other dear friends here....I would have been lost this year without this forum and all of you guys.

Dear Heavenly Father....Even though at times we are feeling undeserving of your love and don't understand why these bad things have to happen we pray and ask you for your patience and love..to shed light on us and to bestoy the gift of understanding in that your will and way has a purpose. And for those of us who have lost loved ones to receive your signs that they have eternal life and love. We praise you and look for understanding.

Amen

[tinasdad]

Father, send Your Spirit to Laura with comfort for her heart. Send angels to minister to her spirit's needs. Fill her soul with the love of Jesus, who gave His all out of love for us all. Allow her a vision of grace to console her in this dark hour so she can feel her husband's love and comfort surrounding her with loving, tender arms.

Laura, thank you for such precious words that have touched the depths of my heart. As we take each step forward into an unknown void, I'm so thankful that I've been blessed with a few people who are willing to travel with me for awhile. These are friends. We are here by a bond few can understand. I sit here in eternal gratitude for the advice you shared with us, and I owe you a debt of that gratitude i can never repay. While she was suffering so much and in so much despair, your words helped her pull her thoughts back to her marriage instead of abandoning everything and taking the path of least resistance. Had she followed that path, I would have borne a sorrow in my heart greater than the weight of the universe. Without her, life would have no purpose, but with her, we have such love and happiness. I wish these little words could tell you the depth of my thanksgiving to God for what you have done, and my gratitude for your aid.

I need to say goodnight now. I need to finish these tears of joy. Love you all, Mark

[lauraa]

Mark,

Thank you for praying for me. I ask for his grace daily to console my broken heart and guide me in my purpose for the rest of my life. I am so glad that anything I could say or do would help you and Mary. Please let me know if I can do anymore....Until then, I will keep you all in my heart and prayers. Sincerely,

[erinsmom]

Lauraa & Mark and all . . . i want to tell you that i can feel you all praying for me and that i am experiencing moments of relief. this message board has been such a source of comfort to me, i can't thank you all enough. prayer is our most important weapon against the enemy and his cunning strategies fixed on taking us out.

I am getting so much comfort out of the book of Isaiah lately.

BECAUSE THE SOVEREIGN LORD HELPS ME, I WILL NOT BE DISMAYED. THEREFORE, I HAVE SET MY FACE LIKE A STONE, DETERMINED TO DO HIS WILL. AND I KNOW THAT I WILL TRIUMPH. HE WHO GIVES ME JUSTICE IS NEAR. isaiah 50:7

Here I am again Father! Asking for a supernatural covering over the hearts of lauraa, christy, nikki, mark, steve and all of us that visit this board. I ask in the precious name of Jesus for you to lather us in a knowing that your plan for our lives is perfect and is unfolding right this second. Lord, you have set the wheels in motion for our paths to align with your will for our lives and i thank you for your constant mercy and grace showered down brand new on us each glorious morning. Father, take our broken hearts and restore us by filling us with your Holy Spirit. Have us to walk, step bu step with our hand in yours.

In Jesus Name I pray,

amen & amen

[tinasdad]

Laura, thank you so much. It's a blessing to share a little time here with you. As I pray, I ask for healing for your spirit, that this sorrow and its pain can wash behind you.

Kitty, your prayer lifted my day. We are more than conquerors through Him. He wants us to be wise to the enemy's wiley ways, not so we can follow them a little bit, but so we can defeat him utterly. By understanding his enemy, Patton wailed through Europe, Alexander ruled a continent singlehandedly. We can do so much more than this for the Lord just by understanding the enemy we must defeat. He wants us to feel depressed, defeated, sad, lonely, and unforgiving. By overcoming step by step, we can gain victory and watch him face his ultimate defeat in his place of ruin. What a joy to be under the banner of the Savior!

Well, I have had my hands full caring for my wife, because the heat had her pretty well wiped out with pain. Then came this abrupt change to October temps and she's in agony. Hmmmmm, is there a way to bring this to stability? lol. I'm waiting for the next round of treatment for her, and feeling like I normally do. I always get this case of nerves about the treatment, because it's so risky. When too many risks are involved, I get edgy. Kitty, I'd never do well in the stock market.

The best of this saga is my daughter and I had the most beautiful time together. There are horror stories of what these first face to face parent / child reunions are like. There are also the fairy tale versions. Ours is one of the latter. She's the sweetest child a Dad could ever dream of having. Now, Grandpa is planning the next visit.

[triciasmom]

My precious daughter, Tricia, passed away and went to Heaven on May 20, 2005. I am in so much pain and I asked constantly for the Lord to give me strength to get through this. I am in so much pain. I can hardly breathe. Can you send some prayers my and my family's way please?

Carol

[tinasdad]

Carol, of course we will pray for you and your family. While you grieve, please visit and let us know how you are doing. We will be here to help you through this time.

Father, we ask for Tricia's family now that You would shower them with peace and comfort for their sorrow and broken hearts. Give them the strength and courage to grieve and heal, and rebuild their lives before You. May the steps they take be with patience and Your guidance. We will always be thankful to you for Your answers to our prayers, Lord.

[triciasmom]

Thank you for your prayers. I'm really having a difficult time. I need His strength. I ask Him for it all day. Does this get any better? I hear it does lessen, but I don't feel it at all.

[tinasdad]

Carol, it's a process, and it can be a long road. There are steps to the process of grief, and once you know them, you can better understand and ease yourself through the whole process. It may not make the grief easier, because that's a matter of the heart, but it helps you as a person deal with the process. Here are the steps.

1] Denial - our spirit is protecting our heart from the impact of the loss

2] Anger - we are ultimately angry at death, but anger is aimed at God, spouse, children [not good], government, whoever

3] Bargaining - we try to make a deal with God or Bob Barker or anyone to get that loved one back. Everything is wrong, and we'll do anything to make it right

4] Depression - this is the deepest point of the grieving. When you are here, watch for anything like suicidal thinking, especially in children. It comes out in different ways in children

5] Acceptance - here is where we start to rebuild our lives without the person we lost by the death. It's like building a boat with one plank missing, but we need to build it anyway. We don't like the results for the most part, but we can stil row it across the lake. I hope you can understand my little analogy.

As you face these steps, you will find they can come out of step, or happen with two or three at a time. I pray that you have the depression stage only by itself. It gets to be rough.

I hope this helps you, and like Laura said so well, we grieve as deeply as we loved. I'll be in prayer for you. Mark

[kagansmommy]

Carol,

Unfortunately the pain doesn't lessen for a long time. It has been nearly five month's since I lost my beautiful baby boy, Kagan. It still hurt's me as bad today as it did the day he passed away...sometimes even worse. You just have to learn how to live with that pain in your heart. The guilt will ease but the pain will remain. I will pray for you and your family to find peace and way to live with the pain. I am so sorry for your loss. No parent should outlive their children. This group here is wonderful and I have come to love them all. They have gotten me thru some pretty ugly days with their prayer's.

My thought's and prayer's to you all.

Christy

"MOMMY LOVES YOU KAGAN"

[tinasdad]

Christy, wow, long time no see in here! lol. Good to see ya! How's the dear head looking? Just teasing ya know.

It's a hard thing to lose your baby. We are so blessed to have not been there. My wife had eleven miscarries, but that's a lot different. We still wonder about those babies, what they'd be like, how tall, how many speeding tickets, etc. But the pain isn't there like you face. I pray for you throughout the day.

I was in one of the other slots talking about my brother, who died over thirty years ago. I still weep for him, because the same disease I have killed him.

The road is long, and many a winding turn . . . Awww you know it, He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother. Mark

[matthew2237smom]

Kitty?????

Reading your post??? We have a lot to catch up on!!! time got the best of us but I am always here for you.. I am so sorry for the absence... My dear what is the Husband..........girlfriend thing your wrote about... My heaRT sank instantly....email me..K????

and remember!!! Job .......was incredibly challenged in his faith and he remained VERY faithful to the Lord for:::

his LOVE FOR THE LORD WAS FAR GREATER THEN any SELFISH DESIRES HE had for himself!!! Your precious girl dont ever forget that...

Stay strong and remember who your fighting and who's holding you up to battle!!!

HI ALL!!!

hey, looks like their are alot of God loving and neat people here....Glad to be around others who love the Lord as do I!!!!!

My herat goes out to all of you as we are all here because we all have lost someone close to us. For me I have lost my 4 year old son in a terrible car accident Christmas nioght 2003, when My brother went to pick up my nephew with 5 of my 7 little boys( well now I have 8 kids, the newest one my first baby girl, born 3 weeks ago on May 17th) A girl driving the other car lost control after road rage with another car (going over 100mph) lost control and hit my brother head on. My Cole died, his brothers and uncle and cousin survived.

It has been a trying 1.5 years and boy can I relte to all the heartache you all speak about.

take Care all,

God Bless

Michelle

[lauraa]

Carol,

Stay here with all of us and we will all help lift you. Mark is so right when he talks about all the different stages we go thru. It has been 13 months since I lost my husband. It is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I say we, "grieve as deep as we loved"...and it is true. I am so sorry for your loss. I will help you in anyway I can. Especially, I will hold you in my heart and pray for you to gain strength day by day. Sometimes, I had to take minute by minute. I have cried so much this year that I can't believe I still have tears. I am so sad and lonely. In the beginning I did not listen to the radio or watch t.v. and I stayed home mostly...didn't want to be with others. Couldn't take seeing other couples and families going on with life when mine was devastated. So I stayed to myself. It was a chore just getting to and then thru the grocery store. But little by little in my own way and in my own time I am venturing out. Only on my terms though. I am selfish to take care of my needs in order to be able to make it thru the day and be avle to take care of my 3 teenagers and home. You are just in the beginning stage of your grieving. Be extra gentle with yourself. Everyday do just one thing for "YOU". Cry as much as you need to. IT IS "O.K."....it really is! I hope you have friends/family to talk with daily but only the ones that are supportive will we allow here. Otherwise it is better to stay with the supportive ones. You have a good place here with us as we will help you....you can be honest and real here and we will "always" understand. God comforts thoser who mouern. Keep writing to us!

Michelle,

I am so sorry for your loss...I am sure it has been a trying time for you and your entire family. Congratulations for you baby girl! How wonderful! I am the only girl(daddy's little girl) out of 10 kids (2nd oldest)...have also experienced a trauma when one of my brothers was killed at the age of 5. I have changed alot of diapers in my day. I have 2 boys of my own and then had my baby girl.....Praise the Lord! I lost my dad 6 months before I lost my husband and then my mom 3 weeks after that. I am lost without my best friends and searching for my way in this world. My children are the ones that keep me grounded. I am so happy to hear you had a girl.

Mark,

You also have a girl...Enjoy! I hope you and Mary and your entire family are having a wonderful day together.

Kitty,

Think of you often and hope you to are raising up...Keep reading!

Christy,

Kagan loves you and knows you were the best Mommy, ever!

Nikki,

We love you!

[tinasdad]

Michelle, my heartfelt sorrow for you in the pain of your loss. It's so horrible to think that this could have been handled so differently, and this precious life spared. I pray for these people who think that the highway is a place to drive at that speed, and yes, my friends, that comes from the guy who drove a race car, but never on a highway.

Laura, thank you for the thoughts. It's nice to be the only daughter, isn't it? You get so spoiled from Dad! As much as I love to spoil my wife, I think it's just as much fun to spoil my daughter. I guess I just love being a Dad.

If any of you haven't heard from Nikki today, her Mom is doing a lot of sleeping. She is having more difficulties trying to communicate. Nikki is really tired from caring for her Mom, and needs rest. She's feeling pretty low. Please continue to pray.

[lauraa]

Nikki,

You are in my thoughts and prayers daily along with your dear mom and brothers...I will continue to pray for all of you!

[tinasdad]

Congratulations, everyone! You made it to the weekend! I'm sitting here in my procrastination pretending to produce a concert, so I'm taking a break.

Lord, let this weekend with its special day of remembance not effect Laura deeply. She is a caring and wonderful friend, and we ask for You to give her spirit peace and comfort this weekend. For Carol, let her family feel the healing of Your Spirit as You work in their hearts. Give them strength to carry on and rebuild without Tricia, their dear child. Grant Kitty the grace and healing to hold her head high and glorify You even though her heart has been beaten down by so many forces. Give to her a spirit of forgiveness, so she can overcome in Jesus' name. For Nikki, we ask You let her precious heart weep to You while she cars for her Mom during this stressful time. Give her rest for her body and mind, fill her with Your love. Help Christy through the many decisions and issues before her. Give her spirit peace and wisdom to know and follow Your righteous path. Grant to Michelle peace through the pain of losing her child, and let her enjoy the blessing of her children who are with her still. They are truly Your gift to her. We will always thank You for how You deliver and care for us.

This has been a typical weekend for us, with a lot of pain for my wife. If she's strong enough to endure the torture, I want to treat her to a birthday dinner. According to her birthdate, we've been together over twenty years! I'm so in love with her!

Well, back to the music. I should try to get this done. My desk is such a mess of recording and instruments. lol! luv & prayrz Mark

[write365]

I'm not new to this site, but I'm new to this thread. I thought it might make the most sense for me to be here. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Ashley. I lost my uncle, who happened to be a Catholic priest, in January. HE had had nerve cell cancer since June of that year. The cancer ate his body. His last week was spent in a coma. And at his funeral, there were 23 priests, two bishops, and a deacon. We were very close to him, and losing him was hard.

Ashley

[tinasdad]

Ashley, what a touching memorial for your uncle. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for your loss. When we lose someone who has been such an asset to our world, it touches the family deeply.

Father, as Ashley and her family grieve and heal from the loss of such a great man of faith, we ask Your healing and grace upon them. May this be a time of spiritual uplifting for her as she reflects upon his life of serving You.

He devoted his life to serving and giving, which was to his greatest gain. Keep us posted on how you are doing, and as you journey through the grief, we'll be here to help you. Mark

[write365]

Oh, ya'll are going to make me cry. You should have seen me after John Paul II died. I hadn't cried at the THREE FUNERALS because I felt that I had to be strong for my family. I only cried at the larger Mass, because one of the priests who had "adopted" me as a surrogate granddaughter, since priests cannot marry, began crying as they blessed the host. Also, the oldest of the two Bishops, nearly fell going down the stairs to reach the casket, and then I cried. but for the most part I hadn't done my grieving yet. when the Pope died, it was just like losing Leo again. Even the caskets were nearly identical. I had a mild meltdown. then the same week that Leo died, my cousin's girlfriend, who is in the same unit with him in Iraq, was killed. My aunt's Father-in-law died that week, and a month after my third cousin was diagnosed with blood cancer. they don't think she'll make it. I'm starting to wonder how much more my family can take without falling apart more than we already are.

Asheley

[tinasdad]

Ashley, please don't cry. I'm all out of tissues. Seriously, I'm sorry to hear of all this happening in your life. I'll be in prayer. May God fill your heart with peace.

I'm not Catholic, but I was also deeply touched by the passing of the Pope. What a holy and good man! We can all learn from his righteous example.

Take care, and we'll be here. Mark

[erinsmom]

Greetings my Friends, I am up and running again after a bit of a backslide. Had a few bad days and decided the best place to be was in my bed under the covers - hiding. My sister finally caught up with me Saturday morning and came over and laid in bed with me for a few hours holding me while I cried. She formed an "intervention" of sorts with a few family and friends and I had to be confronted with some truths. That I either need to consciously make an effort to get back to the business of life or that they felt I needed hospitalization for a while until my thoughts toward suicide subsided. I feel compassion for my family because it is hurting them terribly to see me in such pain - and it's been for way too long. I understand that it's not only me that is being dragged down by the enemy here. My family has become greatly affected as a result of my depression.

Yesterday my boss said to me "I need Kitty back".

I need Kitty back too.

God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference. . . .

It is darkest now so the light is very close.

I love you all,

Kitty

[lauraa]

Kitty,

I pray for you everyday...I hope you know that! I am going to go now and pray specificly for you to gain strength...we already know you have courage....I hope you will feel the energy coming your way. Sincerely.....

[tinasdad]

Almighty God, we are before Your Throne with Kitty, who needs Your strength upon her mightily. Grant to her the victory over those who oppose her emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. Restore her health to its best, as only You can do. Surround her with angels to protect and lift her up if she falls. Give her healing in her mind, and in her body. We will glorify You in the Great Congregation for Your blessings in her life this day.

Kitty, you have a friend, and I'm worried about you. By faith we are here for you, and we will not stop praying until you receive healing. The prayer of faith, multiplied by the faithful, will be answered. Just believe. James 5.15, "the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well." This isn't for just the body, but the mind and spirit as well.

To everyone, please pray for Kitty. Together, our prayers will raise this saint back to health. She has been through a lot lately and needs our help. Mark

[write365]

thanks, everybody, for the support, and I pray for each and every one of you every day.

[lauraa]

To All My Dear Friends,

I truely want you all to know that I think of you all daily and have you all in my prayers. I pray for us all to have strength to get thru our days that we are so challenged with. Mark, Kitty, Nikki, Christy, Steve, and all our Newcomers I believe in the power of prayer so let's all be specific in our prayers and ask for strength, endurance, understanding and peace. To free us all from anxiety! I have you all in my heart tonight and thru out my days.

[erinsmom]

To My Dear Friends,

I want to worry no one so I need you all to know that in a couple of hours our entire office is shutting down, phones, internet . . all. we are doing a MAJOR move from New London, NH to Concord, NH and should be up and running (sort of) on Monday, June 27th. I will be back to report in as soon as I can. As for now, God is blessing me with the grace to sleep a little better and eat a little better. The divoce papers have been served on me. . . I am dealing. Thank you all for your continued prayers. Only by God's grace and mercy am I still standing. Praise Him.

Love you all,

kitty

[tinasdad]

Kitty, may the Lord give you a safe and pleasant move. Hope you're back chatting with us soon.

Laura, I pray God gives you the special gift you need and desire for your healing.

Christy, I'm always asking for His grace to be yours with the many trials in your life. Be strong in the power of His might. He will never let you down.

Ashley, it's my prayer that God will fill you and your family with peace and comfort, so you can all heal from such a loss. Lord, fill them all with Your kind benevolence.

Nikki, just take today. Lord, give Nikki rest, and let her heart rely on You and be comforted. May You give her spirit and body rest, as she needs it.

We will conquer through His power. For now, my friends, just rest in the Lord. Talk to you later, Mark