How is he really gone??

[Knox723]

My dad died very unexpectedly a little over a week ago (5/2). He was outside with two neighbors who were cutting down some dead trees. From what I have been told, they had finished cutting down a tree and the three of them were standing right next to each other and a limb "snapped back" and hit my dad in the head, killing him. I can't believe I am saying those words together, my dad and "killing him" should not be together in the same sentence. I feel like I am living a nightmare right now and would give anything to wake up from it. I honestly wake up pretty much every morning and it takes me a minute or two to realize that this is actually happening. He was only 62, would have turned 63 on 6/9. I have a 2 1/2 year old son who recently started calling him Poppy and he is alll the time wondering and asking where he is. I have come to realize there is no way to explain death to a 2 year old so that he'll understand it. Heck, I am still struggling to understand what happened. My son and my dad were best buds. My son was always with my dad when we were visiting, watching tv/movies, playing, etc. They had such a special bond. As hard of a time I am having dealing with his death, it hurts that much more knowing my son will grow up without his Poppy. I didn't have a grandfather growing up and I was so glad my son was going to. I am pretty sure I am "still" in the shock/disbelief stage, not even to grief yet as I can't grasp that this is even happening. I talked to my dad on Skype the night before he died and then we got a call at about 11 the next morning that he was gone. How is that even possible?? As much as I love all the pictures we have of him, I have a hard time even looking at pictures and realizing I'll never see him again (in this life anyway). We had a small service at my parents' house last Sunday and will have a bigger Memorial/Celebration of Life service at the church next Sunday and as hard as I know it will be, I'm hoping that it will help to a degree to get me through the shock. Anyway, I could probably write 5 pages but I'll stop now since it's my first post.

[MissuDad]

Hello knox. I´m really sorry for your loss and I can really relate to what your going through. My dad passed away a month ago and for the first days all seemed a fuzzy dream... Even now, sometimes I forgot it happened and when I wake up and I have to almost remind me myself of that. Time is supposed to help us heal, so I think we must have faith in that. Coming here has also been very helpfull. Hang in there

[candee]

Knox I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel and its the fact that my little girl will never really know my mum that crucifies me most of all.

My mum was so well and so young for her age. In March she got a sore throat but the Strep A travelled to her lung and she was dead in three days. The hospital said she had severe diahorrea and on the morning she went in they said she would be better and home by the following lunch-time, instead she was dead. I keep saying to myself, how the hell can this have happened - it seems so medieval to die from a sore throat. All I keep thinking is "How can she just be gone?" It is nearly three months now but I still can't believe it. I feel angry that my brothers seem to be able to cope no problem. My dad and I are in bits. I lived with my parents and my mum was basically my daughter's other parent. My daughter was three last month - I can't believe my mum didn't make it to her third birthday. I also look at pictures and can't comprehend that all that love has just gone away. My mum and I were best friends and I adored her. My little girl keeps saying "Don't cry because Grandma is in heaven." I want so much to believe that she is still with us but most of the time I feel in total despair. When you wrote "How is that even possible??" You spoke exactly what I am thinking all the time... How can this really be happening. I am trying to go on and get on with things and go to work, but inside I feel like my guts have been ripped out. I just want her back. I miss her so much. People keep saying time will help, but I just think it will only mean I miss her more, because it is even longer since I last hugged her. Every morning I used to hug her before I went to work and say "Goodbye little mummy!" Now every morning it is like a knife in the heart, as my daughter and I go out of the door and mum isn't there to see us off. I don't know how I can get through this, I only know I have to.

This is also my first post so I had better stop too.

Candee

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