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Grieving period


alxpete

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So let me start with my story. I am 21 years old and today I lost my mother. She was my world. Not only was she an amazing mother, she was my best friend. Rarely a day went by that we didn't talk on the phone even if it was about nonsense. She went to the hospital on monday night due to a heart attack. The heart attack triggered an aneurysm she had to rupture and the brain damage led to her death. I cried all day. I am still sad don't get me wrong but I was wondering if it's normal for me to be so calm right now. I think about what she would day to me and it brings a smile to my face. Maybe it's because I'm familiar with loss because we lost my older brother to drugs 2 years ago. Maybe it's because my dad is the strongest man I know and has be checking on me and thinking of me since the second my mother was admitted to the hospital. I don't know why I feel so calm when 7 hours ago I was sobbing uncontrollably. I guess my question is, can I be at peace with this death so quickly? I understand that her death could not have been foreseen in any way and that she loved me more than anything on this planet. I also know that more than anything she wouldn't want me to be sad. I'm am 100% certain that I'll miss her terribly when I walk across the stage in two weeks at my college graduation and when I get married or have my first child. I miss her even in this second. But right now I'm trying my hardest not to be sad and think about the trillions of happy memories we made in 21 years. Does it make me a bad person?

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noahsmommi

Hi alxpete...Im so sorry to hear of your moms passing. It sounds to me like you might still be in a state of shock. I thought the same thing when my mom passed. I seemed so calm and at peace with everything at first. I mean I cried and I missed her but for the most part it seemed I had accepted it the best I could and thought of the happy times too. I was like that for the first few weeks actually. Then once the adrenaline wore off I started to feel it a bit more. then more and more. Grief is like a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days are good, then others are bad. Support is def important and im glad to hear you have a supportive dad. I think given the fact that its been a only a few days its normal for your emotions to still be shocked and numb and NO that doesn't make you a bad person. Give yourself time. Cry when you have to and smile when you can. Your in my thoughts.

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sammihendo

Your relationship sounds amazing. Even though you may be wishing you weren't so close now, because it hurts so much, in a few years you will be so thankful. Your calmness is interesting... I wish I had a degree in psychology to tell you why you may be feeling like this. Your dad and familiarity are probably a big part of it, you're right. Don't think of yourself as a bad person, please. You are amazing for going through this and being so strong. I know that you will miss her on special occasions but you will know she is there. I am a dancer and my mom loved loved loved to watch me dance. When I am on stage... I feel her. I really do. I feel her in me. It is the hardest thing to explain or imagine and it seems unreal but trust me. Good luck with everything and please message if you need anything! xoxo god bless

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