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loss of a wife (from a daughter's view)


sammihendo

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sammihendo

My dad lost his wife. They were married for at least 15 years.. I'm not sure exactly how long. They were so so so in love. They acted like newlyweds up until my mom's last day. They never fought (from what i could tell lol).

However, after my mom died (i was eight) I NEEDED my dad to get married (although i could never tell him that). I needed a mom and he needed a companion. He is forcing himself to be alone because he feels that he is still married to my mom and fully committed to her... Can any of you identify with him? I'm afraid I don't understand. Do any of you widowers feel the same way as my dad?

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Yadairaisabel

I know exacly how he feels. I'm still fully committed. I'm only 24 and my kids are 3 and 6 months old and eventhough I know they need a father I feel like I would be almost like cheating on my hubby. I know it makes no sense but that bond is still there and you just don't want to disturb that. Give him time hun he will be ok :)

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I feel that way, but as people point out I'm still new in the process. But I feel like if there is even the smallest chance that I can be with her again to pick up where we left off, I need to cover my bases to keep the best chance i can. Moving on to someone else feels like it'd hurt those chances.

I don't have kids or anything though, nor were we married.

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I do not feel that way but everyone deals with loss/grief differently. That said, I do know I never want to marry again. Not because I am "holding a place" for my wife but because I know that regardless of my partner the marriage could never be as good as the one I had with my wife. As they say, lightning never strikes twice in the same place.

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I totally get it Sammihendo. I was married to my husband for 32 yrs, he has been gone now for 5 months. That bond just doesn't disappear when the person does. I don't even think of myself as single. I am still very much married to him, he is just gone. I'm still fairly young and as time goes on, who knows what will happen but I totally understand your dad. Being Mrs SoandSO is my identity, it is who I am. I would be worried about your dad being afraid to experience another loss though. I don't think I could handle loosing 2 husbands. That is sad...

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Lostherwillawaysloveher

This Has really been one of my fears. Our children not having a mom! how does that work? How do they feel? I don't think I could ever get married again even the prospect of dating sounds awful to me. (staring at the screen for ten minutes) I hope my son's will talk to me and let me know how they feel good bad or indifferent. They are my world. My glue. If they told me I needed to find someone else I would tell them why I couldn't, didn't want to, or appreciate their support. Talk to him. That's all I want my son to do. I want to understand where he is in all of this I want him to understand where I am.

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He is forcing himself to be alone because he feels that he is still married to my mom and fully committed to her... Can any of you identify with him? I'm afraid I don't understand. Do any of you widowers feel the same way as my dad?

It probably depends on how long it's been since he lost his wife. I lost my husband at the end of April. I still feel married to Michael. I still wear my wedding ring. I still think of him as my husband, although he isn't here. That may change in the future- I have no idea as of yet.

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I'm confused. So the wife your dad just lost is not your mom, or it was and he never remarried or-? How long ago was this and how old are you now?

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My dad lost his wife. They were married for at least 15 years.. I'm not sure exactly how long. They were so so so in love. They acted like newlyweds up until my mom's last day. They never fought (from what i could tell lol).

However, after my mom died (i was eight) I NEEDED my dad to get married (although i could never tell him that). I needed a mom and he needed a companion. He is forcing himself to be alone because he feels that he is still married to my mom and fully committed to her... Can any of you identify with him? I'm afraid I don't understand. Do any of you widowers feel the same way as my dad?

Sammihend

I lost my husband over a year ago, even though I would someday hope to have a new person in my life to plan my future with – I still feel married to my husband. I have not, nor do I have plans to take off my wedding ring. If I had children I would not think it is their business if I did or not. I understand you feeling it important that you had a female presence in your life – I hope that your dad finds a new friend if HE wants to do so, if he is not ready or fortunate enough to do so it is really his business. I would not want to be in a relationship for someone else – for me it would have to be for me. I think your dad will make the correct decision when or if that time comes.

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