lost my big brother 3 months ago

[sweetd82]

hi everyone, i just joined this group but I lost my big brother on Jan 19, 2013. He was only 31 (and I am 30) and died from cardiac arrest/stroke caused by a blood clot. we have a family history of blood clots where I almost died from the same thing 11 years ago. i dont even know how i am supposed to survive the rest of my life without him. the worst part is that it seems like medical errors were involved and my anger has reached a level i never could have imagined - how someone could have been so careless with my brother's life. my heart aches for a chance to talk to him - i would do anything to talk to him once more. i never knew i could feel so alone with so many people around me. i didnt realize how much i really needed him in my life and i feel like i took him for granted. i walk around in a daze and feel so empty. he was the best brother and i was so excited for my son to have him as an uncle. it already feels like an eternity.

[dsmurph]

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. Yes, I think we all have felt the extreme loneliness, even with people around. I know for us nobody we knew had lost children. So, you are right, it is lonely. People don't know what to say so they don't even call. The only thing I can say is I understand, as do the other people on here. Also, talk to him, he is closer than you know. There is a good author named Elizabeth Kubler Ross. She has written several books. Her book- Life, Death, and Afterlife has helped me tremendously. My husband is reading it right now. It does not take the pain away but it helps me to understand where my daughter is. I needed that, otherwise I may not have been able to cope. Please Don't allow his passing to make you become bitter. Learn, in time, to live life for your brother. Hugs, dsmurph