My Dad passed away unexpectedly and I am not coping

[Lost & Confused]

Hi to everyone out there, I am new to the forums and have come really looking for a place to express my feelings.

My Dad had a stroke 4 weeks ago and since then had been deteriorating mentally into depression. Despite this we all thought that he was ok health wise, until he was hospitalised last Thursday with low blood pressure. From this point on there were a few issues discovered with his heart, but it was thought that they had this under control (thinking this was actually what caused the stroke and that we were on the path to recovery.) My Dad lived in a different state and so my husband and I made the trip over the Easter weekend to see him (not knowing he was in hospital). When we were preparing to leave I said to Dad that we were leaving really early the next day and I wouldn't come in to see him as he would be asleep. We hugged and I told him I loved him, this turned out to be the last time I will ever see my Dad.

I left at that point thinking that they would be sending Dad home after an ultrasound on Tuesday. I got a phone call on Tuesday morning telling me that Dad had had a massive heart attack and they were unable to revive him. Over the past two days I have felt so unbelievably confused. The relationship that I had had with my Dad had been difficult for a very long time and over the past few years we had sorted through a lot of things and were doing really well. I also found out over the past week that my perception of my Dad was completely wrong throughout my life, and when I thought he was ignoring me he was actually doing what was best for me as fighting my mother would make my life worse for me. I feel like I have now lost the one person who has always put me first (without looking for recognition) and the one person who I thought was looking out for me was only looking out for myself. I am experiencing a lot of anger, sadness and guilt about this whole situation and I am fighting with a lot of denial as I haven't actually been in my Dad's home town while all of this has been happening and I keep waiting for someone to tell me it has all been a horrible dream.

Thankyou for reading and allowing me a safe place to express my feelings. If anyone has been through anything similar and has come out the other side I would love to speak with you.

[Lostwithoutmum]

I am very sorry for your loss.

My eyes welled up reading your post...I too lost mum and I just can't make sense of the whole experience.

Your loss is very recent, and there are no words that can possibly ease your pain but try to remember that you visited your dad and you told him you love him. I know you must be going through lots of questions and emotions, just hope you get through these extremely difficult times x

[Mastone]

So sorry about your Dad, I know exactly how you feel. My Dad died 7 weeks this Saturday unexpectedly, I still wake hoping it is a dream. To find out it isn't. I know you hear it will get easier. It does. I have my days, trust me. I was an only child and my dad was a part of my everyday life. This forum is a big help. Read others stories, talk in chat rooms. It will help. Take care,

[Lost & Confused]

Thanks for the thoughts. It helps to know I am not alone. I'm very up and down at the moment, am leaving tomorrow for the funeral and know that the next few days will be terrible. I hope to find slight closure and feel at least a tiny bit more at peace. I will read some more and see if I can find anyone in the chat rooms. Thanks again xx

[Mastone]

Just take it day by day, don't worry what others think. Deal with feelings as they come. I am the funny one, I can always make people laugh. So for me to be so torn down and weak ( as I thought) was so hard,but I had to go there to cope. It is still a struggle day to day. But I manage. I am hear to talk.. Will be thinking about you and praying for you and your family.